problem

[joseph]

hello
i will tell you about my problem it is very very complicated so i am seeing if you can help. i am 23 years old. i am gay. but no one now i am gay. i live with my mum and 1 of my sister. i wont to tell them i am gay . i wont to meet gay people and maybe have a boyfreind. but i cant do that. it is becase i cant go to places were the is gay peple becase i dont know were it is and i can only go hard places when i am with my support worker. i cant go on my own. but the support worker not take me them places becase them not new i was gay. so i have to tell the worker or i cant go. but it is scary to tell them becaus incase they tell my family or say they cant take me to them places. my family is nice but they often not let me do things an i think they will say i cant be gay or they not belive me. i need them help me but i am scared of they migth not help or say i am wrong. i am sad becase i just want to be gay propely like going out and get boyfrind but i cant.

[princealbertofb]

hello
i will tell you about my problem it is very very complicated so i am seeing if you can help. i am 23 years old. i am gay. but no one now i am gay. i live with my mum and 1 of my sister. i wont to tell them i am gay . i wont to meet gay people and maybe have a boyfreind. but i cant do that. it is becase i cant go to places were the is gay peple becase i dont know were it is and i can only go hard places when i am with my support worker. i cant go on my own. but the support worker not take me them places becase them not new i was gay. so i have to tell the worker or i cant go. but it is scary to tell them becaus incase they tell my family or say they cant take me to them places. my family is nice but they often not let me do things an i think they will say i cant be gay or they not belive me. i need them help me but i am scared of they migth not help or say i am wrong. i am sad becase i just want to be gay propely like going out and get boyfrind but i cant.


You know, Joseph, a lot of us here have thought, like you, that we couldn't tell people about us being gay... So we have put things on hold for a long time before finding the courage to tell someone. Sometimes it is good to practise coming out with someone who is friendly. What people might ask is how you know you are gay, because they might not believe you. So I think you can practise those answers with us... What exactly makes you think you are gay? Is it something about the fantasies you have? Is it something about how you are repulsed by women but not by men? What makes you think you are gay? If you can tell us, then maybe you can also tell your family, or your support worker. Let's try to help you to come out first, and then, you will see if someone can take you to those places that you mentioned. Star Twister, I think, suggested finding a gay group, and I think there must be some in the Newcastle area (we could ask Hyde and Gay etc... if they know of any addresses or phone numbers that you can reach).

[Hyde]

There is a group for people under the age of 25 (youngest member is 14 I think) that meet at the old Doctor offices across the road from Gateshead bus station/near the taxi rank. The group is called PLus and everyone is extremely friendly. If you have difficulty leaving the house then perhaps you could contact them via MySpace and perhaps arrange for one of the leader members (a support woman, I forgot her name but she's really nice. She did a chat at my college a few months back). They meet every Tuesday at 6pm and they're a pretty cool bunch, I went a few times but got freaked out when one of the other members asked me if I fancied a blow job in the toilets the following tuesday o_O.

MySpace.com - Plus Group - 18 - Male - Gateshead, UK - [Only registered and activated users can see links]
([Only registered and activated users can see links]) is their MySpace link.

Also, your Support Worker, if you do decide to tell him/her that you're gay, they HAVE to keep it confidential ;)

[joseph]

hello yes i think i can practice saying it. i nown i am gay becase i didnt even now until not very long a go what gay means but i new i am it anyway!! becuas when i was thinking i wonted to have a husband not a wife when i am older. an somtimes i like thinking of men. one time ther is a man who work at summer school i gon to when it was 4 years a go there was a man i relly in love with an i fond out he got girlfrind and i was sad and wished he was my boyfrined so i nown. one time i done sex and relatonships at collage and them said about gay peopel so i heared about it an i new it what i was. everone else in my class lauhfed when they say about gay peple and think its funny an bad but i relised it was like me. thank you for telling me about the group also.

[Star Twister]

There is a group for people under the age of 25 (youngest member is 14 I think) that meet at the old Doctor offices across the road from Gateshead bus station/near the taxi rank. The group is called PLus and everyone is extremely friendly. If you have difficulty leaving the house then perhaps you could contact them via MySpace and perhaps arrange for one of the leader members (a support woman, I forgot her name but she's really nice. She did a chat at my college a few months back). They meet every Tuesday at 6pm and they're a pretty cool bunch, I went a few times but got freaked out when one of the other members asked me if I fancied a blow job in the toilets the following tuesday o_O.

MySpace.com - Plus Group - 18 - Male - Gateshead, UK - [Only registered and activated users can see links]
([Only registered and activated users can see links]) is their MySpace link.

Also, your Support Worker, if you do decide to tell him/her that you're gay, they HAVE to keep it confidential ;)



There you go Joseph, some excellent advice, (funny bit about the blow job though)


I thought that as well, but wasn't sure and didn't like to give wrong advice

[joseph]

thank you very much i am happy they cant tell anyone!! that group sound nice thank you but i hope that man dosent say about blow job again:redface: !! that is bad that happend to you:frown:

[joseph]

You know, Joseph, a lot of us here have thought, like you, that we couldn't tell people about us being gay... So we have put things on hold for a long time before finding the courage to tell someone. Sometimes it is good to practise coming out with someone who is friendly. What people might ask is how you know you are gay, because they might not believe you. So I think you can practise those answers with us... What exactly makes you think you are gay? Is it something about the fantasies you have? Is it something about how you are repulsed by women but not by men? What makes your think you are gay? If you can tell us, then maybe you can also tell your family, or your support worker. Let's try to help you to come out first, and then, you will see if someone can take you to those places that you mentioned. Star Twister, I think, suggested finding a gay group, and I think there must be some in the Newcastle area (we could ask Hyde and Gay etc... if they know of any addresses or phone numbers that you can reach).
how i now i am gay is becase i nown before i even heared of being gay. no one told me what is was until i was nealy a adult so i didnt now. but i relised i wont a husband not a wife an somtimes i like thinking about men. one time when there was a man who work at summer school i gone to i realy loved him and then he had a girlfreind and i was sad becaus i wanted him be my boyfrind. so i no.nin my class they told us about relatonships and gay peopel an everone in the class lauhg and thinkm it is funny and bad but i now when i heared it it was like me.

[fjp999]

Hi joseph,

I cant quite understand your disabilities and how strong you must be to come out with such issues. I just hope that all your dreams come true and you continue to be strong and live as full a life as possible.

I wasnt born with any disabilities. I dont know if your disabilities are from birth??? But I am currently suffering from a medically induced disability for the past five years. Some of my disabilities are physical and some are mental. I live in America but am guessing that many of the services I have may be available to you???

I have a patient advocate. She comes every month to make sure that I am being taken care of by my docs, state programs, etc. Her job is to know of programs that are available for me and make sure that applications are submitted etc. Do you have a patient advocate? Is this type of advocate available to you?

I also have a psychiatrist and a therapist. The therapist is the person who suggested and applied for the patient advocate. Sometimes people are nervous about psychiatry or therapy but there is a lot more than being prescribed medicine. Maybe there is a service of psychiatry/therapy for gay people in your community. That group Hyde linked you to may be able to help with such a service.

I too have transportation problems and my therapist told me about the medical transport program. One part is to take me to doctor appointments and then there is the other side that takes me to any location I need to go to. For the personal transport there is a very small charge - like $0.50 per ride. Maybe you have a program like that in your area. Then you wont need to rely on your assistant and may feel more at ease and more independent.

Hyde is right about your assistant. In USA they cant give information about your personal life to anyone. In the USA they would lose their job and maybe go to prison. Patient privacy is very serious here.

I see that you wrote about school. Do you go to uni? There may be some special groups for gays or even disabled people at uni... even if you arent a student at a uni some of those groups could be open to your age group.

let us know if there is anything we can do for you.

frank

[Dan1089]

Hey Joseph :wavey: I wish I could give you good advice but I'm useless at such things!What I noticed though was your strong desire to have a boyfriend.Why do you need one so badly,to validate your homosexuality perhaps?Or to provide good companionship.Do you have good friends?Sorry for the 21 questions buddy.

[Hyde]

There you go Joseph, some excellent advice, (funny bit about the blow job though)


I thought that as well, but wasn't sure and didn't like to give wrong advice



Aslong as what you tell them isn't a threaten to your/someone elses life or against the law, they have to keep it shush!

[Hyde]

FJP, the two universities in our local area are Newcastle and Northumbria (You could perhaps travel to teeside or Sunderland uni also), sadly the groups there and in most universities in the UK are exclusive to students.

[Star Twister]

Aslong as what you tell them isn't a threaten to your/someone elses life or against the law, they have to keep it shush!



That's fair enough


*thumbs up*


xxx

[joseph]

hello my disabiltys is just i was born with learning disabilitys. but i am not strong becase i never told anyone about i am gay. i have a socal worker who gets my services and its services like my support worker who visit me at home and my one at collage. i not go to therepy. i am trying to learn doing transport at collage like bus and metro on my own but it is relly hard:frown: i donot go to uni i go to collage. i dident now if they had them groups i hope so.
i wont a boyfriend because it would be very very nice to have a man who love me and i can do things. and when i get boyfrind everyone will relise i am propely grown up. i have some friends but if i have a boyfrind who will like the most becas them not always like me that much and it is lonley thank you:smile:

[marshlander]

hello my disabiltys is just i was born with learning disabilitys. but i am not strong becase i never told anyone about i am gay. i have a socal worker who gets my services and its services like my support worker who visit me at home and my one at collage. i not go to therepy. i am trying to learn doing transport at collage like bus and metro on my own but it is relly hard:frown: i donot go to uni i go to collage. i dident now if they had them groups i hope so.
i wont a boyfriend because it would be very very nice to have a man who love me and i can do things. and when i get boyfrind everyone will relise i am propely grown up. i have some friends but if i have a boyfrind who will like the most becas them not always like me that much and it is lonley thank you:smile:
Joseph, you sound like a lovely young man and I wish you the best in your search and in your journey towards enjoying what you want from being grown up.

I would agree with the others who say that your support worker should be on your side. Quite often I work with people who live with disabilities and their support workers as well. It's amazing how many support workers seem to be gay too :wink: I bet your s.w. will know a few ...

Having said that, may I offer a friendly word of warning. Your support worker will be there to do a job. He (I assume it will be a man?) will be able to be your advocate and even your friend (although I know this isn't always true). I imagine you have thought about trying keep the relationship "professional". When, in time, you find a boyfriend he may wish to take an active part in helping you as needed, but be careful you don't get hurt by falling for someone who can't (rather than won't) return your feelings.

Coming out can involve a lot of strange processes. When I came out my emotions developed a life of their own and I fell painfully hard for someone who couldn't return my affection. It was awful.

Now though, my life has turned out better than I ever dared hope. I hope you find the same.

I hope I haven't spoken out of turn. By all means tell me to mind my own business if I have strayed into an area for discussion that is too uncomfortable.

All the best

[fjp999]

but i am not strong becase i never told anyone about i am gay.:

I disagree with this. I believe that you are very strong. joseph, you must understand that even without any disabilities I didnt come out until around 21 years old. And then I only came out to a few close people. There are some people who NEVER come out of the closet and they dont have any disabilities.

i am trying to learn doing transport at collage like bus and metro on my own but it is relly hard:frown:

That must be really tough on you since it doesnt give you much independence. Keep trying and NEVER give up. Dont be shy to ask for help from others around you if you get lost or confused.

You are able to use a computer. Can you use & do you have a cell phone? Maybe there are other technologies out there that can help you to get your independence.

i wont a boyfriend because it would be very very nice to have a man who love me and i can do things. and when i get boyfrind everyone will relise i am propely grown up.

Obviously, I cant make any promises but by the way you sound you must be a wonderful human being. Any man who becomes close to you will be a very lucky guy. I am sure you are full of love and care.

I hope it is not too forward to ask but it sounds like many people dont treat you as a "proper grown up". That is another horrible social ill you will have to struggle with. I feel that things are getting better and better for people with disabilities so lets just hope that you will be accepted for who you are - a super human being.

It would be nice to hear some things you like about yourself so we can get to know you better.

hugs,
frank

[princealbertofb]

...
It would be nice to hear some things you like about yourself so we can get to know you better.

hugs,
frank

If you've read his initial post, Frank, you'll know that Joseph enjoys dancing, and cooking and shopping, for starters. :wink: That's a great way to live, in my opinion... :smile:

[joseph]

thank you very much eveyrone.
i think i try and tell my support worker becase he cant tell and he help me:smile: i wont tell my mum also and then she can now but it is very very scary!! i am good at computers and phones so i am quite good at cominicating. i donot use the metro by myself yet but one day when i can and i can go were i wonted.them sometimes think i am not grown up but i am 23. somethings about me is i really like internet!! and i am good at cooking.

[marshlander]

thank you very much eveyrone.
i think i try and tell my support worker becase he cant tell and he help me:smile: i wont tell my mum also and then she can now but it is very very scary!! i am good at computers and phones so i am quite good at cominicating. i donot use the metro by myself yet but one day when i can and i can go were i wonted.them sometimes think i am not grown up but i am 23. somethings about me is i really like internet!! and i am good at cooking.
Joseph, at 23 you are grown up :wink: You are allowed to have ideas of your own. All you need now is the confidence to believe it and for everyone else to accept it!

Of course the thought of coming out to your mum is very scary :eek: When you have done it, though, you will probably wonder why you were so nervous :smile:

Try to remember that she might need some time to get used to the idea that you are gay. Be strong for yourself, but be kind for her.

If your support worker is any good he should be able to help you try out ways of saying the words.

Good luck.

[joseph]

thank you. my mum is very very nice so i not wont to make her upset. when i tell my support worker i can ask him how i say it that make her not sad. i miht do a letter maybe

[Star Twister]

thank you. my mum is very very nice so i not wont to make her upset. when i tell my support worker i can ask him how i say it that make her not sad. i miht do a letter maybe



Joseph,

You will be amazed at how many mums know before their son's tell them......


I'm sure you love your mum very much and visa versa

I wish you much love, sweet heart

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[princealbertofb]

Joseph,

You will be amazed at how many mums know before their son's tell them......


I'm sure you love your mum very much and visa versa

I wish you much love, sweet heart

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Yes it's true Joseph, many mums already know and all they need to do is hear it from our mouths, then maybe they are just more sure of how to treat us. But if your mother loves you as much as you love her, and I'm sure she does, then it should be ok to tell her. However, as Marshlander said, she may need a little time to adjust to the idea.

[fjp999]

If you've read his initial post, Frank, you'll know that Joseph enjoys dancing, and cooking and shopping, for starters. :wink: That's a great way to live, in my opinion... :smile:

Thanks for that PA. I did forget about the dancing part.

Hey joseph, wanna go dancing together? I love dancing too and have been to hundred of clubs all over the world. It is so liberating!

[joseph]

thank you maybe she nows it so she miht not mind. i decided i going to do a letter soon about it. an give her the letter. yes i woud like that becase i relly like dancing. i been to discos at a club it is very very very very fun!!!:smile:

[fjp999]

thank you maybe she nows it so she miht not mind. i decided i going to do a letter soon about it. an give her the letter. yes i woud like that becase i relly like dancing. i been to discos at a club it is very very very very fun!!!:smile:

joseph, I was curious if you wanted to read the letter to your mom or just give the letter to her and let her read it? Will you stay in the room when she reads it or do? How do you imagine giving your mom the letter?

Do you want to tell your sister too?

Well, if you need any help or suggestions on your letter you can always ask us or your care worker.

Good luck,
frank

[joseph]

i think i going to write the letter and give it to her and run away abit!! i wont to tell my sister or my mum can tell her if she wonted i didnt mind. when i wrote it i can show it to you maybe and you can tell me if its ok thank you very very much:smile:

[fjp999]

sounds like a good plan... good luck.

[princealbertofb]

i think i going to write the letter and give it to her and run away abit!! i wont to tell my sister or my mum can tell her if she wonted i didnt mind. when i wrote it i can show it to you maybe and you can tell me if its ok thank you very very much:smile:


Joseph, I have known for a long long time that I was gay, or probably gay. Then I met Marshlander and it became very obvious that I wanted to try a gay relationship. When things got a bit more intimate and loving, I decided I had to tell my mother, because she was asking me to go and see her and to bring Marshlander with me. I had not told her he was my boyfriend for reasons that are a bit long to explain now, but anyway, I wanted her to know he was my boyfriend so that she wouldn't treat him just like a male friend, you know. I was very very scared of telling her... I don't know why. But I was scared.

A day or two before going to see her (she lives 100 miles from my home) I plucked up the courage to write her a letter. I think letters are a good way of telling people important things that are difficult to say eye to eye, you know. I wrote the letter, explaining my circumstances and how I'd met this wonderful man who was giving me so much love and pleasure, and how I hoped this would not be a shock to her...

I read the letter to Marshlander before sending it. As I read it, I felt extremely moved and started crying all my soul (I have tears running down now, as I remember this moment) because as I was reading it out to him, I understood how much my mother loved me and that it was not important that I was gay or not, ALL SHE WANTED WAS MY HAPPINESS. I realised this. So the tears kept streaming and I finished reading the letter to my companion. Then I went to the computer, and put it in an e-mail. I sent it that very morning. Then I wanted to leave the flat and be out ALL DAY... just so she couldn't phone me immediately.

When we got back from our day's outing around the lake, there was a message on the answerphone saying: "You must have thought I was born yesterday if you think I didn't already know". She knew, and she's expected it but she did not want to force me to say it before I was ready.

Now she thinks of Marshlander as her son-in-law even though we are not officially partnered yet. It is very nice and she's a really cool and top lady. I think she is very very grateful to Marshlander for making me happy.

I hope your mother will be as happy for you as mine was, Joseph. Good luck with writing that letter, and yes, you can show it to us so we can help you if necessary. Just tell her what's in your heart and also explain to her maybe why you were afraid of telling her.

[joseph]

hello thank you for telling me that. i nown i was gay along time aswell. even before i new what gay means i newn i was it!!. i dident now he was your boyfrind that is nice:smile: i doing the letter becase it is abit easier!!i hope my mum not be sad or worryid sometimes she worrys sometimes. i hope you are not sad. i am happy that you mum was not corss or sad. i hope my mum the same she wonts me be happy/. i dont now if my mum nown already or not. your mum sounds very nice and my mum is very nice as well!:smile: i will do the letter very soon and show you if i got the rihte things in. thank you very very very much for telling me about that.

[princealbertofb]

hello thank you for telling me that. i nown i was gay along time aswell. even before i new what gay means i newn i was it!!. i dident now he was your boyfrind that is nice:smile: i doing the letter becase it is abit easier!!i hope my mum not be sad or worryid sometimes she worrys sometimes. i hope you are not sad. i am happy that you mum was not corss or sad. i hope my mum the same she wonts me be happy/. i dont now if my mum nown already or not. your mum sounds very nice and my mum is very nice as well!:smile: i will do the letter very soon and show you if i got the rihte things in. thank you very very very much for telling me about that.


You're welcome, Joseph. I think mums worry about us because that's what mums do when they have children... they worry about them. That's a normal way to be, for most mums. In your case, because you need help, she might worry a little more than the average mum, but I am sure she wants you to be happy just as much as my mum did. The only difficult thing might be (it is possible but not necessarily true) if your mum thinks being gay is wrong. Do you think your mum thinks being gay is wrong? Do you know any gays among your acquaintances, family and friends? How does she treat them? Is your mum very religious?

[joseph]

we not now any gay peopel so i didnt now if she minds or not but she is not religose. but she didnt say she not like gay peple :smile: she seen gay peple on the telly and she dident say its bad. i had a queston but i dont now if it is stupid. i dont have a boyfrend so i didnt now if she miht say i am not being gay becase i only thouht it.and if i was wrong becuse i just thouht it.:frown:

[princealbertofb]

we not now any gay peopel so i didnt now if she minds or not but she is not religose. but she didnt say she not like gay peple :smile: she seen gay peple on the telly and she dident say its bad. i had a queston but i dont now if it is stupid. i dont have a boyfrend so i didnt now if she miht say i am not being gay becase i only thouht it.and if i was wrong becuse i just thouht it.:frown:


Well, you don't have to have a boyfriend to prove that you are gay. Being gay is a feeling, a state of mind, a state of desire also. It doesn't mean you have to have a boyfriend. Being gay means that you are more interested in forming a relationship with a man, sexually and emotionally, than with a woman, that's all.

I hope your mum will understand that you are gay if you tell her that's how you feel. She might have questions to ask to see how you know you are gay. If you can give her some straight answers, then maybe she will believe you. How old is your mum?

[joseph]

yes. becase i am gay even thouh i not had a boyfriend! my mum is i think about 50. it is hard becase i wont to tell her about it and how i nown but it is quite hard to explin but i realy realy now it but it is quite hard to say:frown: i wont her to belive me.

[princealbertofb]

yes. becase i am gay even thouh i not had a boyfriend! my mum is i think about 50. it is hard becase i wont to tell her about it and how i nown but it is quite hard to explin but i realy realy now it but it is quite hard to say:frown: i wont her to belive me.


Well, if I remember, Joseph, you fell in love with a man at a camp, wasn't that the story? So if you (a man) are in love with another man, that makes you gay, and she can understand that. She may be worried, though, that this man made you do things that you did not want to do. So you have to reassure her that nothing happened, or that if it does happen in the future you will be careful. Maybe she can help you find someone decent for a boyfriend when she finally knows?

[joseph]

yes.i can tell her about when that happened. so she can now what i mean. i will do that in the letter. i have to go to bed now i will write the letter soon and show it you. thank you very much for helping me :smile:

[fjp999]

Here is my story about how my mom found out...

It was by accident. I was at Uni. My sister had gone into my room and found some private letters. She had them in her room and my mom found those letters.

My mom is very religious and was very upset. In the end I asked one question "Do you love me?" She stopped crying and said "Yes" and everything was fine after.

[Star Twister]

Here is my story about how my mom found out...

It was by accident. I was at Uni. My sister had gone into my room and found some private letters. She had them in her room and my mom found those letters.

My mom is very religious and was very upset. In the end I asked one question "Do you love me?" She stopped crying and said "Yes" and everything was fine after.


OMG

That's Lovely

xxxx

[joseph]

hello i have wrote the letter on my computer today it took me very long to say eveything i mean propely but here is the letter is it ok.

Dear mum
I am writing a letter to you becase I wonted to tell you some thing but I was scared to tell you it.it was I am gay. I hope you not cross or sad becase I love you and I dident wont to make you be cross or sad.i relised it becuse when there was a man at holiday scame and I relly loved him and when he had a girlfriend I was very very sad becase I wonted him be my boyfriend and I cryed. Also I like seeing men and I rely woud like a boyfriend. I hope you say I am allowed to be gay and have a boyfriend. I told it to you becase I wonted you to now all them things about me because it is nice when I tell you things and I said my problems to you and when you help me. I hope it is ok and you not sad. I love you very very very very very much love from joseph xxx

[princealbertofb]

hello i have wrote the letter on my computer today it took me very long to say eveything i mean propely but here is the letter is it ok.

Dear mum
I am writing a letter to you becase I wonted to tell you some thing but I was scared to tell you it.it was I am gay. I hope you not cross or sad becase I love you and I dident wont to make you be cross or sad.i relised it becuse when there was a man at holiday scame and I relly loved him and when he had a girlfriend I was very very sad becase I wonted him be my boyfriend and I cryed. Also I like seeing men and I rely woud like a boyfriend. I hope you say I am allowed to be gay and have a boyfriend. I told it to you becase I wonted you to now all them things about me because it is nice when I tell you things and I said my problems to you and when you help me. I hope it is ok and you not sad. I love you very very very very very much love from joseph xxx

That is a beautiful letter, Joseph... It says it all. I would suggest maybe one little change which I highlighted in purple, if you think it corresponds to what you'd like to say. I suggest "I didn't want you to be hurt or to make you sad", instead of "make you be cross or sad". I can see that you are very considerate of her feelings and don't want her to feel hurt by this truth. However, I think that it's much better to be truthful, especially with our parents. Of course, I hope she will realise that it's YOUR life after all, not hers, and YOU have to live it. I am sure she just wants you to be the happiest son she's ever seen. Bravo for writing this... it's very very brave of you. :smile: :smile: :smile: We are proud of you. :biggrin:

[fjp999]

Good job joseph :xyxthumbs:

It is a good, expressive letter. I think it is nice and short and has everything you want to express as discussed here.

Are you going to print out the letter and give it to her? Put it in a card?

I had an idea. I know that you like to cook and bake cakes. Maybe make it a special day. Make your mom dinner or just a cake and show her the cake and tell her you love her and you wrote a letter about something very important. Then give her the letter.

You can give her the letter in the dinner-room and go to make coffee and come in with coffee after she read the letter.

Just curious how the best way to do it? Anyone have other suggestions?

[princealbertofb]

Good job joseph :xyxthumbs:

It is a good, expressive letter. I think it is nice and short and has everything you want to express as discussed here.

Are you going to print out the letter and give it to her? Put it in a card?

I had an idea. I know that you like to cook and bake cakes. Maybe make it a special day. Make your mom dinner or just a cake and show her the cake and tell her you love her and you wrote a letter about something very important. Then give her the letter.

You can give her the letter in the dinner-room and go to make coffee and come in with coffee after she read the letter.

Just curious how the best way to do it? Anyone have other suggestions?

I like your suggestion, Frank... I don't know what Joseph thinks... What do you think, Joseph?:smile:

[joseph]

that is a realy good idea:smile: when it was her birthday i made a meal and she liked it lots so if i done it again. and i can say you can read this letter i am going for a little bit!!!i dident now if i will print that or write it which one is better .

[marshlander]

that is a realy good idea:smile: when it was her birthday i made a meal and she liked it lots so if i done it again. and i can say you can read this letter i am going for a little bit!!!i dident now if i will print that or write it which one is better .
Hi Joseph,

I really like your letter. Your mum is lucky to have a loving son like you. Personally, I prefer to receive handwritten messages from my children. I think there is something special about the personal touch. I suppose it depends what your writing is like ... :wink: As long as she can read it how do you feel about writing it out by hand?

[joseph]

i think handwriting is very nice for a letter:smile:

[fjp999]

before I pass out trying to make it upstairs to bed now that it is 4 am here...

I just wanted to say that joseph you should definitely write it out.

I dont know if you can do this but I like to find nice photos in magazines and cut them out. Like for my mom I cut out photos of flowers. I get card paper and paste the flowers on the cover. I practice writing out the letter on the same size of inside card so it looks nice and neat and I dont make any mistake.

Then I carefully write with a good pen - or pencil. I actually like the way pencil looks... I write the message on the inside of the card. If there is some room I might add some small flowers on the inside of the card and also the back.

You probably dont want to include a photo of a handsome guy in the card but if you did you can tell your mom that is your type of guy - JOKE...

good luck joseph...

[joseph]

oh yes:smile: that is very good i can make cards and i made them for my mum before and i can make one an the letter inside. i dident do it yet! i was not brave enuof! i am going to do it but i was still trying to get brave enof! i had another idea what i can say i wont to tell her i wont to go to a group an meet poepel. should i do it or not . secretly i get lonley an i think when i gone there i will make frinds there and i hope a boyfrind. then i would be very very very happy:biggrinflip: :smile:

[Star Twister]

oh yes:smile: that is very good i can make cards and i made them for my mum before and i can make one an the letter inside. i dident do it yet! i was not brave enuof! i am going to do it but i was still trying to get brave enof! i had another idea what i can say i wont to tell her i wont to go to a group an meet poepel. should i do it or not . secretly i get lonley an i think when i gone there i will make frinds there and i hope a boyfrind. then i would be very very very happy:biggrinflip: :smile:




My advice is....Try and find a group first and meet like minded people, see how that goes and then maybe tell your mum once you get settled in.

The main thing is to feel comfortable within yourself

I wouldn't worry about the boyfriend thing just yet, take it one step at a time and the boyfriend will come, once you join the group hopefully you will meet people like you and can share your experiences that will build your confidence

Much Love

Jamie


xxx

[joseph]

thank you. the only problem is got to tell my mum first becase i dont now how to go to the group on my own.:frown: i get very annoyed when i am stupid like that :frown: it would be better if i wasnt this time! at them groups do you make freinds and boyfrinds sometimes.:smile: i wont to tell in the letter about the groups

[marshlander]

thank you. the only problem is got to tell my mum first becase i dont now how to go to the group on my own.:frown: i get very annoyed when i am stupid like that :frown: it would be better if i wasnt this time! at them groups do you make freinds and boyfrinds sometimes.:smile: i wont to tell in the letter about the groups
Can your support worker help you find a group?

[Star Twister]

thank you. the only problem is got to tell my mum first becase i dont now how to go to the group on my own.:frown: i get very annoyed when i am stupid like that :frown: it would be better if i wasnt this time! at them groups do you make freinds and boyfrinds sometimes.:smile: i wont to tell in the letter about the groups

Your not stupid and don't ever think yourself otherwise.



Like I said, make the friends first, please don't worry about the B/F......


It's better when it comes naturally, than forced


I'm finding it harder to understand your posts Joseph.....
Time for bed me thinks

xxxx


Good night

xxxxxx








*lay off the Red Wine me thinks*

[Star Twister]

Your not stupid and don't ever think yourself otherwise.



Like I said, make the friends first, please don't worry about the B/F......


It's better when it comes naturally, than forced


I'm finding it harder to understand your posts Joseph.....
Time for bed me thinks

xxxx


Good night

xxxxxx








*lay off the Red Wine me thinks*


Joseph may I publicly apologise if the writing in red upset you in any way....... I meant it as a bit of light hearted humour hence what I wrote in Purple

I am sorry hun

Hope you are well


xx

[princealbertofb]

Joseph may I publicly apologise if the writing in red upset you in any way....... I meant it as a bit of light hearted humour hence what I wrote in Purple

I am sorry hun

Hope you are well


xx

I wondered whether that humour would go down with Joseph, Star... I was a little worried. I hope he understands it was only a joke.... and the fault of the red wine.

[Star Twister]

I wondered whether that humour would go down with Joseph, Star... I was a little worried. I hope he understands it was only a joke.... and the fault of the red wine.

Like I said when I joined the board, sometimes I land myself in trouble with my humour.......

I guess I still have much to learn

Again my apologies if I have offended



*waits for the ban*

[joseph]

dont worry i wasnt cross:smile: hugs startwister:smile: and i hope you not corss at me as well. i hope that my writing is ok i try hard to make it good and so everone can now what i was saying so i hope it is ok thouh. i hope you dont feel bad.:bighug: sorry i dident answer before i had to go to hospitel so i couldnt.

[Dan1089]

Worry not Jo,everybody can read and understand your writing.What were you doing in hospital?

[joseph]

i had to go to hospitle becase i have epilpsey and they had to make me have a epilepiys fit and make a video of me having it! I dont now why they had to thouh. so i did that then i felt poorly and tired and i had to go to sleep for a very long time.but i am ok now:smile:

[Star Twister]

dont worry i wasnt cross:smile: hugs startwister:smile: and i hope you not corss at me as well. i hope that my writing is ok i try hard to make it good and so everone can now what i was saying so i hope it is ok thouh. i hope you dont feel bad.:bighug: sorry i dident answer before i had to go to hospitel so i couldnt.

Hi Joseph, Sorry you were in Hospital.

It wasn't your writting, it was the fact that I had too many glasses of wine that I couldn't understand, I was trying to make light of it.

Thank you darling for your PM and of course were still friends

There isn't an emoticon on this board big enough to express the HUGE hugs back at you

So here's a big wet sloppy kiss for you......


[Only registered and activated users can see links]

[Dan1089]

A[Only registered and activated users can see links] to both Jo and Jamie!I wonder why exactly they recorded your fit Jo,oh well,it must be because of some medical reason.Glad that you're feeling better my friend.

[joseph]

a relly big important thing happend today.i was at my summer holidays thing and my freind there was saying bad things and saying about gay. and i just got very very sad and worryed . becase my frined saying them things and incase everone all nown. so i got so worried and sad i just didnt do the afternoon and had a talk with the worker. and i said how i felt bad if pepol saying about gay peple. and i think they new i was gay. then i went home and them called my mum becase they call your mum if you had problems that day . and my mum said why you was sad today and i said i cant tell her yet but im going to tell her later and she said ok.so i will tell her when i tell her about when i was sad today.

[fjp999]

WoW, that is really BIG & IMPORTANT!!!

Do you want to say what your "friend" was saying about gays?

Maybe this is the chance to come out and tell your mom about everything but you shouldnt be forced to do that :biggrin:

Do you know what the workers said to your mom? Just that you had a bad day or something more?

anyways, I think it is great that you told your worker about your feeling about others saying bad things about gays. I am really proud of you. Congratulations


:bighug:

[joseph]

oh no i ment to tell my mum before my meeting . and my meeting is on friday oh no got to try and tell it quickly. i been bad i not toled her yet.

[marshlander]

oh no i ment to tell my mum before my meeting . and my meeting is on friday oh no got to try and tell it quickly. i been bad i not toled her yet.
Joseph, you have not been bad. We all forget things.

All the best.

[XRIMO]

First off, Hello Joseph! Glad to see another new face around here.

Second, I agree with what most of the people here have said. You are very fortunate that you have the ability to find people who live near you on these forums. I wish I lived in the UK to take advantage of that, because there are very few Canadians on these forums and only a couple of them ever post.

You are young and you have lots of time to find the things you need in life. Do things when you are ready and willing. Good luck to you.

[joseph]

hello thank you. it is nice to meet you. we are same age:smile:

[fjp999]

oh no i ment to tell my mum before my meeting . and my meeting is on friday oh no got to try and tell it quickly. i been bad i not toled her yet.

Sorry I was late in saying hello :xyxwave:

I know that this meeting is important to you and your family and staff but if you are not ready to tell your mom before the meeting that is OK. You have time to tell her and should be comfortable and not too nervous. So if you are not ready then just wait...

Maybe you already told her today in a rush


:mexicanwave:

and if you did I hope it went well and congratulations my friend..

cant wait to hear how it all went - good luck

[joseph]

i still not toled mum becase i just got scared again. but i will tell her soon becase i been thinking about what cook when i tell her.chicken and wine and potatos and vegetbles. then give the card saying in it i am gay!:smile: so i am going to tell her:smile:

[princealbertofb]

i still not toled mum becase i just got scared again. but i will tell her soon becase i been thinking about what cook when i tell her.chicken and wine and potatos and vegetbles. then give the card saying in it i am gay!:smile: so i am going to tell her:smile:


GOOD FOR YOU, JOSEPH!!! GO, GO, GO!!!
We hope your mum is as proud of you for being honest as we are proud of you. :smile: :smile: :smile:
Anyway, a :bighug: for support when you tell her. Can you arrange for your sister to be there too when you give her the card?

Btw, nice menu!

[fjp999]

GOOD FOR YOU, JOSEPH!!! GO, GO, GO!!!
We hope your mum is as proud of you for being honest as we are proud of you. :smile: :smile: :smile:
Anyway, a :bighug: for support when you tell her. Can you arrange for your sister to be there too when you give her the card?

Btw, nice menu!

I agree with PA. I am sure that everything will go very well especially after your sisters knows and she did not freak out. I am sure that your mom will love you with no difference!

It would be a great idea to have Hannah there at dinner unless you just want it to be the two of you... or have Hannah close by in case you need support.

Good luck, you know that all of GS is cheering for you!!! :elefant::tuut::partysmiley::tuut::elefant:

P.S. If there are any left overs can I get some of your delicious cooking?




:bighug:

[joseph]

yes my sister mith come to. and i can cook for everyone then tell. i am going to do it soon.:smile:

[fjp999]

We got another one to keep in our mind for the positive vibes!

our joseph is planning the event to tell his mom about his being gay at tea time... I have no idea what hour that is there, and maybe he has already cooked a nice dinner, and presented his coming out card.

I told him there was going to be a tiny frank on his shoulder giving him good words of advice. Anyone else wanna join me on josephs shoulder?

[marshlander]

We got another one to keep in our mind ... our joseph is planning the event to tell his mom about his being gay at tea time... Anyone else wanna join me on josephs shoulder?
This is a rite of passage, Frank. I'll be around afterward, but Joseph's going to handle this bit himself and be a bigger man for it.

[BiPenny]

Hope it goes well Joseph - we're all here for you to talk afterwards if you need to!!

[Phil]

[Only registered and activated users can see links] Joseph!

[joseph]

hello. thank you. i give mum the card. i was scared to go back int the room when i give it!she said it is ok and she still love me and not cross! she said she gesed it .and give me a hug! so i was very very very happy how it was ok. the bit bad thing was i said in the letter i wonted to go to gay place like club and get a boyfrind.but mum said she dident wont me to go to them and get a boyfrind. so i was abit sad becase i rely relym wonted to and be proply gay but not aloued.but i am very very happy she still loves me.:smile: when she said you are not alloued i just said ok so it wasent a argument. so i can be gay but not going to them places.

[CardShark]

I'm glad to hear it went well joseph :biggrina:.

Congratulations :bighug:

[BiPenny]

:dance: :biggthumpup: Well done Joseph!!! :biggthumpup: :dance:

I'm glad it has gone well for you - well done for being so brave!!!

Maybe as your mum knows now she will start to think about letting you go out to different places - you don't have to go to a gay bar to meet men.

Just because you don't go to gay bars doesn't stop you being a proper gay!!!!!

Maybe think about other places you can go - like social groups - where you might meet someone, maybe your mum will think this is ok? Lots of mums worry about their kids going to bars and clubs - mine does and she doesn't even know I'm bi!!!!

Congratulations Joseph, I hope you are happy tonight :bighug:

[marshlander]

Brilliant news, Joseph.

We've been waiting all evening to hear how it went.

Sooooooooo proud of you. :xyxwave:

:respect: :cheerleader2: :dance: :wow: :whew:


BiPenny is right about going out to meet people. There are other places. You did really well not to get cross with Mum when she said she was worried about going to gay clubs.

You made me so happy I was crying when I was telling alberto, when he came in!

Love from

marshlander and princealbertofb

[joseph]

thankyou everyone. why did you cry marshlander happy crying. i wasent cross with her becase she still love me eventhouh she said not club.but hopefully i can still get a boyfrind soon! i hope she says i can one day! :smile:

[yar]

"WOW" Joseph
:remybussi:So happy for you, you must be very proud of your self. Now you too are free.:biggrin: You were very brave to over come your fears. See it was not as bad as you thought.

[Star Twister]

Joseph Joseph JOSEPH !!!!

WOOP WOOP


YOU DID IT !!!!

I'm so pleased for you matey, I really am........
So your mum guessed eh? Mums are brilliant like that......:biggrin:
What's more is that she still loves you, you have a great mum there Joseph

Like Penny said you don't have to be proper gay just cause you don't go to gay places Joseph......

Give it time hun, and see what happens. It's best not rush things anyway.



You would not believe the overly sized grin i have on my face right now





[Only registered and activated users can see links]

[Star Twister]

Oh God that is Big !!!!!

[Only registered and activated users can see links]




.

[fjp999]

hello. thank you. i give mum the card. i was scared to go back int the room when i give it!she said it is ok and she still love me and not cross! she said she gesed it .and give me a hug! so i was very very very happy how it was ok. the bit bad thing was i said in the letter i wonted to go to gay place like club and get a boyfrind.but mum said she dident wont me to go to them and get a boyfrind. so i was abit sad becase i rely relym wonted to and be proply gay but not aloued.but i am very very happy she still loves me.:smile: when she said you are not alloued i just said ok so it wasent a argument. so i can be gay but not going to them places.

Oh, My Best Friend. I am so happy to read how well you did.

It is just amazing how you have enabled yourself since first writing/joining this site. You really can do anything you want to! You have great power. Even if you are sometimes scared or nervous remember everyone gets scared or nervous about something... It is natural.

I too had happy tears when I read of how nice everything went and my matey also says the same... We are both very proud of you.

It might take some time before your mom understands how important it is for you to have a boyfriend... give her some time and I am sure that she will understand that if it is important to you then it is important to her also.

Best of luck being a proud gay member of your family!

If you can please tell us more details about the whole event... what you did first and how you felt as the event unfolded.

big love hugs,
frank

[joseph]

yes! i am very happy and proud i did it.for a joke i said mum i am still gay today and she said i now:smile: what it was happend i made the dinner and it was very nice then i said making some coffey and i give my mum the card and gone to do coffey. and i was to scared to go again but mum said come back.and her hugged me and said it was ok and her still love me:smile: and i said i love you aswelll mum!

[XRIMO]

Thats excellent Joseph. We are all extremely proud of you and happy that it went well.

Congratulations.

[marshlander]

... did you cry marshlander happy crying. ...
Yes it was happy crying, because I was very happy for you. I get a bit emotional in my old age :rolleyes:

[joseph]

thank you everone!:biggrin: :cool: marshlander isent old! love from joseph xxx

[Shadow]

Babe that's excellent news !! I'm so glad to hear that it went well ... don't worry too much about the going out to clubs and things stage at this point - you've achieved a GREAT thing in coming out to your mum, so WELL DONE :xyxthumbs:.

xx

!?!?! Shadow !?!?!

[princealbertofb]

Well done, Joseph, our friend....

You're right,Joseph! No, Marshlander is NOT old, but just a bit older than you and yes, he gets emotional about good news. I must say I wiped a happy tear too when I read through all these posts.

I remember how I cried after writing my letter to my mother and how it was all alright too. Because our mothers love us, come what may.

Coming out means a lot to us because our situation is so different, and because people just assume that anyone born a boy is naturally attracted to the fair sex (women). So it's not obvious for everybody else that boys can also be naturally attracted to other boys.

The good thing that comes from having told your mum, Joseph, is that now she can use that information, even if she secretly knew it before, to help you in your daily life. Hopefully she can joke with you too about you being 'still' gay today. lol... (I loved that joke, Joseph, haha, except that it's not a joke, it's the truth. Anyway, I understand what you meant by saying it was a joke; it's the way you said it :wink::biggrin:).

Now that your mum knows, she will consider, possibly, how necessary it would be for you to find someone to love and who loves you back, and how that other person will have to be male. There is no rush, though, and remember that your mum loves you so much that she does not want you to be hurt by nasty people; that comes first, then I'm sure she wants you to be happy, so she will probably hope that you find the right partner, just like she wants Hannah to have the right partner. You don't need to have a partner, however, to be properly gay, as all of us have told you here. Now that you have come out, and even before you came out, you were and are properly gay, and none of us doubted that at all :elefant:.

You would probably benefit from joining a gay group, and maybe your mum could consider joining a group for parents of gay children. You might tell her that. Maybe, that way, she could express her concerns about having a gay son, and about what to do to make sure you have a responsible and nice life partner.

I hope she realises that you are getting lots of support from your friends on GS. She may not know this site, and may think that most gay sites are not very nice.

Does your mum use the Internet much? Does she monitor what sites you visit? Do your workers help you with your Internet surfing or monitor where you surf?

Lots of hugs, PA :smile:

[BiPenny]

the fair sex (women). :smile:


I OBJECT!!!

[sparky71]

Hope everything goes ok with youre mum i know how important a mans relationship with his mother really is and you obviously value her approval. I was really scared about telling my mum about my sexuality but it worked out in the end. I think mothers want to protect their sons from everything bad in the world and youres is probably worried about the dissaproval and predjudice that gay men encounter. Hope it goes well

[marshlander]

I OBJECT!!!
...said busty, raven-haired, blue-eyed beauty, BiPenny, the slim, 22 year old siren from just outside Londinium town. :wink:

Report by marshlander, a member of the unfair sex :eek:

x

[joseph]

hello.princealberto i hope my mum wonts me to get a nice boyfrend ! it was a funny joke becuse it was true but it was to make you luah and mum lauffed! i mithe go to a gayclub thing if i am alloed to and mum can go to parents one if she wonted to. she didnt relise about this web site she dosent now relly about computers. my sister seen it thoh when her helped me and she liked it. my workers dont rely help but help a bit showing me how to do and my sister helps.

[marshlander]

hello.princealberto i hope my mum wonts me to get a nice boyfrend ! it was a funny joke becuse it was true but it was to make you luah and mum lauffed! i mithe go to a gayclub thing if i am alloed to and mum can go to parents one if she wonted to. she didnt relise about this web site she dosent now relly about computers. my sister seen it thoh when her helped me and she liked it. my workers dont rely help but help a bit showing me how to do and my sister helps.
Well, Joseph, that's great.

And a
:bighug:and :respect: to Hannah, for helping the charming Joseph :wink:

[BiPenny]

...said busty, raven-haired, blue-eyed beauty, BiPenny, the slim, 22 year old siren from just outside Londinium town. :wink:

Report by marshlander, a member of the unfair sex :eek:

x

Ya got the blue eyes but right!! And the 22 just outside london bit!!

But busty I most definately am not - nor raven haired - natural blonde (please speak slowly!! :wink: )

As for slim, I wouldn't say I am hugely fat, but deffo not slim!! Soon I hope - see my new thread coming shortly!!

[marshlander]

... natural blonde (please speak slowly!! :wink: )

Hmmmmmmmmmmm ... I object and I'm not, nor ever have been, blond :wink:

[yar]

Joseph You make me so proud of you . You have no idea just how happy I am for you.

Congratulation

[tapalapadapa]

Congratulations Joseph! That's fantastic news :smile:
Very happy for you! :biggrin:

[joseph]

thank you evryone very kind.:smile: