It's just too much...

[Mr. Pancake]

Hello everyone! I'm hoping someone could possibly give me any advice on this issue I got myself into. So I'm in my very first relationship (over the internet) and it's been well over a month that we've been together. So during that time up to now my boyfriend will NOT stop talking about having sex with me. At first I refused to play along in his text sex plays, but like an ideot I caved in and played along in his "game". After about five times of "doing it" I got fed up and started refusing his "love". Now he's tring to act inteligent saying "Your not giving me enough 'attention'" and "It helps build a relationship". Although what he says is true he wants me to talk dirty with him all the time, and thats not who I am.

Only on rare occasions do we make actual conversations and thats the only time I enjoy talking to him. Ultimatly I'm not happy, but he definitly is. And I dont know whether to try to continue to talk him out of it, or cut the plug on this relationship.

Any comments will be greatly appreciated!

[Ultra]

Ah yes... I've been in a few Internet relationships. Most of them were pretty unsuccessful, except for the last one. In fact, I was extremely close to meeting up with him in person this year. However, circumstances beyond my control didn't allow that to happen.

It seems like you're not getting anywhere with this guy. Internet relationships are not exactly the best, it just depends on how you handle 'em. Apparently you both don't have meaningful conversations at all and it seems like a one-sided relationship. If you're not happy, you might as well just leave him. You know what, "cut the plug on this relationship." If he's continuing with the constant sex talk and all he wants out of the relationship is sex, I suggest you leave him.

Please do not go the same route my ex went. He went out the easy way by getting his mommy to write a message to me and then he throws temper tantrums on forums calling me an idiot and other garbage. I know you'll have sense and break up in a mature way if it comes to that. To me, it seems like you're bf is not the one for you and he's only using you and he may even take advantage of you. Good luck!

[eastofeden]

My advice...meet someone in person and have a 3-D date or two. I guess I don't fully understand having a relationship with someone you have never met so I am not sure I have any further advice on the subject.

May I ask...what is the appeal of having a relationship with someone you have never actually met? How can you determine if you really like him or not?...I need to see someone's eyes myself and when I talk to someone I look directly in their eyes almost nonstop...I would be at a complete loss wthout being able to do that...and I like to touch and be touched as well. Do you get a satisfaction from this relationship at all?

[Ultra]

My advice...meet someone in person and have a 3-D date or two. I guess I don't fully understand having a relationship with someone you have never met so I am not sure I have any further advice on the subject.

May I ask...what is the appeal of having a relationship with someone you have never actually met? How can you determine if you really like him or not?...I need to see someone's eyes myself and when I talk to someone I look directly in their eyes almost nonstop...I would be at a complete loss wthout being able to do that...and I like to touch and be touched as well. Do you get a satisfaction from this relationship at all?

Well there is webcamming and that's one way of finding out if you're compatible with the person over the Internet. It worked for myself and my partner (at the time). Before I even saw recent pics of him... my fear was that I wouldn't be attracted to him. Guess what... he was the guy of my dreams and it was amazing. :biggrina:

[princealbertofb]

My advice...meet someone in person and have a 3-D date or two. I guess I don't fully understand having a relationship with someone you have never met so I am not sure I have any further advice on the subject.

May I ask...what is the appeal of having a relationship with someone you have never actually met? How can you determine if you really like him or not?...I need to see someone's eyes myself and when I talk to someone I look directly in their eyes almost nonstop...I would be at a complete loss wthout being able to do that...and I like to touch and be touched as well. Do you get a satisfaction from this relationship at all?
We / You are old school, East of Eden, we have trouble comprehending a relationship that is only virtual. But since my relationship with Marsh started as a virtual relationship, I guess I know where it stems from. A lot of people who go onto the Internet to start relationships are probably quite shy, or not in a situation where they can be out and open about what they are looking for. Therefore, I'm sure our emotional side would like to believe that we have a boyfriend when we've been dating online through conversations.
I'm afraid, Mr Pancake, your Internet boyfriend may be less than what you think (may be an older man, may be a woman, may not be who he purports to be). If he doesn't get that you don't enjoy sex talk, he's just trying to use you as a sexcapade, someone he would probably never want to meet in real life.

If you two were to arrange a 3-D (real life) meeting, I'm sure you might eventually work things out, but in this case, I believe you are being taken advantage of, and your alledged boyfriend is not very considerate of your feelings in the matter... Not good in my book. I'd second East of Eden's idea of trying to make this a real relationship by meeting him, if he is not a troll. People say things behind a screen that they would never dare say in a regular conversation. It is that dimension of virtual relationships that you have to take into account. I'm not saying it will all be lies, but some things are just a little too far-fetched sometimes.

[eastofeden]

That helps explain it a bit PA...tell me though...when you met Marsh online did you both want to meet or have intentions to do so if/when you discovered you were attracted to each other? If so...I can understand that...the cyber only thing is specifically where I have a problem comprehending but it may be my generation...I need to see the eyes and body language..ect.

Cutie...webcaming can be recorded...eh? Is that right or do I have it wrong? That would totally freak me out.

[Ultra]

Yes and no. When I webcammed with my partner, I could not record it. One of his fears was that I was recording our webcam sessions without his knowledge, however I would not do that at all. I didn't have another program (like Hypercam or something) that was able to do it. We did it through a program that was able to record, however I was unable to do it for some reason. I was able to take still pictures of him and I on webcam.

[juk]

Sounds like a case of square peg, round hole - do you really want to sustain this relationship purely for those rare moments of conversation that you actually enjoy? Time to move on I think.

[colinmackay]

Hello everyone! I'm hoping someone could possibly give me any advice on this issue I got myself into. So I'm in my very first relationship (over the internet) and it's been well over a month that we've been together. So during that time up to now my boyfriend will NOT stop talking about having sex with me. At first I refused to play along in his text sex plays, but like an ideot I caved in and played along in his "game". After about five times of "doing it" I got fed up and started refusing his "love". Now he's tring to act inteligent saying "Your not giving me enough 'attention'" and "It helps build a relationship". Although what he says is true he wants me to talk dirty with him all the time, and thats not who I am.

Only on rare occasions do we make actual conversations and thats the only time I enjoy talking to him. Ultimatly I'm not happy, but he definitly is. And I dont know whether to try to continue to talk him out of it, or cut the plug on this relationship.

Any comments will be greatly appreciated!

I've done the sexting (sex text) thing twice. Once with a guy I met via Grindr (never met in real life) and that didn't really do it for me at all. I think he spent more time having a wank than actually texting so I didn't really get a good mental picture.

The other time was with my boyfriend when we were apart one evening and that was actually pretty good. Not as good as the real thing, but it was nice enough. I think in that case we already knew each other and that helped build the mental images up.

Anyway, on to the comments he made: "Your not giving me enough 'attention'" and "It helps build a relationship".

Reads like emotional black mail to me, so long as you've made perfectly clear to him that these do nothing for you. However, if you've just been trying to ignore this and not say anything then that's passive aggressive on your part.

There are moments where you you find things are great. I don't think you have live just for those moments. If, for the most part, things are not right for you then maybe it is time you moved on.

Final word of advice, I tried lots of internet "dating" services. Gaydar, Grindr, Gay-Parship, etc. None of that actually worked for me. Of the few dates it produced they went from so-so down to bloody awful. It can work for some people, but it didn't for me. They are a numbers game and that gets tiring after a while. Ultimately, a real world encounter might work so much better. (I got introduced to my boyfriend through a friend. We hit it off rather well and nature took its course from then.)

[Mr. Pancake]

@princealbertofb Well I talk to him through my Sony PS3 on text chat. Every once in a while we also talk through my bluetooth. I think it's safe to assume, judging from his voice I think it's safe to assume that he's a male. ^^; Anyway your probably correct saying he's trying to take advantage of me. Once he decided to...well, pleasure himself while we were talking on our bluetooths. He said "You make me so h***y, ohhhhh~" My reaction: ._. "Uhhhhhh..."

[marshlander]

@ Mr Pancake - he doesn't sound like a boyfriend, more like a stalker :frown:

That helps explain it a bit PA...tell me though...when you met Marsh online did you both want to meet or have intentions to do so if/when you discovered you were attracted to each other? ...
I hope you don't mind me butting in, before PA answers your question, E. He will undoubtedly have a different perspective on how it worked out for him.

I really had no intention of meeting anyone in particular. To be honest, I was a bit screwed up (okay, a lot screwed up) at the time and would not have been an attractive proposition for anyone. I spent hours in my office/studio in the garden, just to avoid the inevitable conflicts in the house and used the discussions on uk.gay.com as a means of getting into debates with other gay men, so I could have some sort of contact with others who may be like me. I had seen the name princealbertofb on some of the messages, but I did not think much beyond the fact that he wrote well until I received a direct e-mail from him continuing one of the topics in private. He had a sense that I was in trouble and wanted to offer some support. Many of you will have encountered this very compassionate side to his nature. I had already registered his contributions to discussions as thoughtful, carefully argued and written in good English and I found that not only unusual, but also interesting and maybe not entirely unattractive, so I answered his message and before long we were sending regular e-mails to each other. In that sense we became pen-pals and were soon writing to each other about other aspects of our lives too. After a few months I guess it is true to say that we knew quite a lot about each other, but I could not envisage any other kind of relationship at all.

During an illness in which I was immobile and bedridden for a fortnight we communicated by text and telephone and when I was able to move again he invited me for a short visit for a change of scenery. We had little more than twenty-four hours together that first time in December 2002, but we went into Geneva for the Fête de l'Escalade and danced in the street to a steel pan band from Zurich and ate a chocolate cauldron (une marmite, a symbol of the Genevois resistance to the invading Duke of Savoy commemorating the contribution of Mère Royaume to the resistance). I then had to fly back to my situation in England after these few short hours of respite. The inevitable happened and a few months further on I had to leave my home or I knew I was going to have to leave this life. PA had kept in touch all this time and again invited me over to get me away from the bad stuff.

He seemed to know early on that he wanted a relationship, but as I have mentioned before, I was not in any state to make that kind of a decision. The last thing I thought I wanted was to get out of one relationship and straight into another one. I suppose the long-distance nature of our relationship so far has allowed what we have to brew quite nicely. He has been my rock and my anchor when I have needed him most and I have learned to love him more and more as the years have gone by to the point that I cannot now imagine a future without PA in it. I guess he enjoys the relationship too :rolleyes:

[princealbertofb]

I cannot now imagine a future without PA in it. I guess he enjoys the relationship too[/COLOR] :rolleyes:

It's nice to be a rock even though not minty flavoured ;), oh well, I can't imagine a future without Marshlander in it either ... so I guess we are fitted.
The situation wasn't quite the same for me, because, not being in a relationship, and not having had one for 18 years, it made me quite available for one. However, I didn't think I would make Marshlander my boyfriend so quickly and so readily. I knew he didn't feel available an it was not my plan at all. I thought: "This man needs some solace and to get away from a terribly debilitating situation, in which he can't grow and can't breathe... He needs a bit of respite". That was initially my intention, just to get him out of that house.

The fact that we managed to get on well straight away was a bonus, just a bonus. I knew then that I wished to have something a bit more lasting and was hopeful, seeing how thing had gone so far.

We kept at the regular writing and messaging and texting (with my old phone at the time - a mobile I'd been given but didn't want to have -- it did come in handy, I must admit -- but nonetheless a technology that I didn't really want to become a slave to). We were pretty good keeping up with phone calls, and mainly messaging. Our next encounter was some 5 months later for Easter... and I was thrilled to be better (no longer with that December cold) and that we had a little more time to spend together. We enjoyed each other's company a lot, and had lots of things to share while being totally different people. The rest is practically history. :biggrin:

[eastofeden]

Damn! I just had a long post and for some reason the "Internet" decided to delete my response...so I will tell you both the essence of what my post was about...that was a very sweet love story from both of you and I am happy to know that Internet meetings can turn out so well....and happy for both of you as well. Thanks for sharing your story!

[princealbertofb]

You are welcome, East....:remybussi:

[Sil]

Danger, Will Robinson...

I don't get a lot of good vibes from the description, it sounds a little manipulative to be honest but men got our bad reputation for a reason. He does make the effort to talk to you and it seems like you enjoy that, but at the moment you might be moving at different speeds. *sighs* it's the old cliche - I should get it on a rubber stamp - but talk to him and see if he's happy with taking it easy, that you enjoy the sex but not ALL the time.

I've had one or two online relationships and met a couple of nice guys, so it's a mixed bag... I've found it's no better or worse than meeting someone in real-life, in fact in some cases you can find out more about people on a personal level then they would divulge face to face on a first date.

[codis]

my opinion.... if he cant respect you enough to understand that talking dirty just isnt you, then he's not worth your time. i'd have to agree with a few of the earlier replies as well when they say have a few face to face dates.... more often then not people wanting relationships over the internet are just trying to (virtually) get into your pants.

[marshlander]

.... more often then not people wanting relationships over the internet are just trying to (virtually) get into your pants.
If that's the photograph you show, maybe it's not entirely surprising :rolleyes: Men are notorious for responding to visual stimulation. It is odd though that many people find it so difficult to discriminate between a relationship and a shag.

[Mr. Pancake]

So many suggestions, I was'nt expecting this! First off let me say thanks so much princealbertofb for sharing that story with us! Also sorry, I was going to make a reply to your first post, but the Moderators had different plans... ^^; SO! Thank you thank you thank you for all for your posts you wonderful wonderful people! I got a good idea on what I need to do! Thank you all sooooooooo much!!! <:D

[matty7]

i tend to agree with sil, plus he uses Danger, Will Robinson wich i love,,,,,,he sounds like he just loves the thrill of someone talkin dirty to him just as a quick buzz, your not that type so i dont see u changing anytime soon to fit what he just wants - let him know this and if he cant have a fun simple conversation without it all leading to sex talk then maybe move on m8, u can always stay as friends and maybe something will come later - just my thoughts

[JtheYoungBear]

Hello everyone! I'm hoping someone could possibly give me any advice on this issue I got myself into. So I'm in my very first relationship (over the internet) and it's been well over a month that we've been together. So during that time up to now my boyfriend will NOT stop talking about having sex with me. At first I refused to play along in his text sex plays, but like an ideot I caved in and played along in his "game". After about five times of "doing it" I got fed up and started refusing his "love". Now he's tring to act inteligent saying "Your not giving me enough 'attention'" and "It helps build a relationship". Although what he says is true he wants me to talk dirty with him all the time, and thats not who I am.

Only on rare occasions do we make actual conversations and thats the only time I enjoy talking to him. Ultimatly I'm not happy, but he definitly is. And I dont know whether to try to continue to talk him out of it, or cut the plug on this relationship.

Any comments will be greatly appreciated!

Time to cut the cord, really. I don't see how 'internet relationships' could be considered relationships to begin with. I would much rather consider a 'relationship' moreso with a physical presence.

To boot, he sounds like someone who is infatuated with sex. There should be a balance, IMO.

But its your call. Just offering my .02.

[marshlander]

So many suggestions, I was'nt expecting this! First off let me say thanks so much princealbertofb for sharing that story with us! Also sorry, I was going to make a reply to your first post, but the Moderators had different plans... ^^; SO! Thank you thank you thank you for all for your posts you wonderful wonderful people! I got a good idea on what I need to do! Thank you all sooooooooo much!!! <:D
Moderators? I don't think there are any since the site was redesigned. These days it's just Andy, who designed and owns the site although I think he has automated a lot of the mod functions.