Stereotyping the 'MAN' In the gay realtionship

[RockerBlocks]

So i was talking to a friend through via text and he said he's the 'MAN' in the realtionship with he's lover, now i really don't believe in that stuff i believe if your in a gay realtionship you are both men, nothing more, and those kinda sterotypes pinch nerves in me alot, so what do you think? should there be one 'MAN' in the realtionship or are they both the man

P.S i'm not saying you can't be fem, by all means go nuts guys hah,

[XRIMO]

Well if he means he's the top is one thing, but saying he's the 'MAN' is another. I know if I were in a relationship there wouldn't be a designation of one of us as MAN and the other is the WOMAN because that isn't what I want, I'm a MAN and I want a MAN.

[marshlander]

PA and I are are definitely both men (I've checked). If one of us were something else we wouldn't be gay, would we?

[colinmackay]

I prefer a relationship of equals.

Paul and I are both men as far as I can see.



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[Virgin]

blame it on the society mr. XoXMistahJayXoX. i think it may have all started with the yin-yang sh*t the chinese invented to differentiate a man and a woman aside from their sexual organs. and perhaps gay couples tend to emulate that by putting unnecessary roles on their relationship.

personally, i don't mind stereotypes in gay relationships. if being a 'man' in a gay relationship means paying all the house bills, being the one to give flowers and chocolates and presents, the one who'll set up for dates and pay for it and do all the pluming stuff inside the house, then please, by all means, be the man in our relationship. i'd be more than glad to be the woman.

[LiZaRD_PlaNET]

If a gay man says he's the "man" in the gay relationship, then there's something wrong with his masculinity. He feels the need to justify that.

[simon]

that term means many different things to different people,it could mean,hes the top or more butch than his partner,to me it really isn't meant in a bad way.

[fredv3b]

To me it's not that he considers himself to be 'the man' in the relationship, it's that therefore he must consider his partner to be 'the woman' in the relationship. Maybe it's me being masculinist* but I find that a very demeaning attitude.

*Apologies for the neologism.

[Genersis]

A gay relationship is a relationship between a Man and a MAN.:tongue:

[RockerBlocks]

A gay relationship is a relationship between a Man and a MAN.:tongue:

100 % Percent spot on mate :)

[simon]

A gay relationship is a relationship between a Man and a MAN.:tongue:


Dale Winton and Graham Norton :biggrin:

[invis85]

I agree with Virgin. It's not about the sex organs when a person refers himself as the 'man' of the relationship. MistahJay's friend must be referring to his being a man in traditional role in the relationship. Paying the bills, opening the door for his date, fix the plumbing, making big decisions, etc... When you hear someone refers himself as being "man of the house" in a straight marriage, I think the same thing is associated with what MistahJay's friend referring to.

Being Asian, Chinese is still very strong in gender role. I admit I somewhat stereotyped myself into a "girl". Generally I am more passive, letting my man make the decisions, relying my man to help me with the heavy duty stuff, letting my man drive...etc...

[AtomicBaum]

I definitely agree with the gay relationship between a man and a man thing. But there certainly are gender roles prevalent in society today. The person who cooks, cleans, even better if he prefers to bottom, will typically be considered to be the "woman." Even if he is very much so a male. To me, it's just another label in a society in which we are obsessed with labels. Kinda like when people say they're "talking." Which really means "we're kinda dating and I like him, but I don't wanna say we're SERIOUS."

Personally, I think a relationship has a better chance of success if they're AREN'T gender roles and labels. At least one's applied by the couple themselves.

[invis85]

I just remember I've a few years ago read a book about gay relationships called "Dynamic Duos: The Alpha/Beta Key to Unlocking Success in Gay Relationships".

So the book says a relationship with an alpha male and a beta male works best among all other pairings (ie: alpha/alpha, beta/beta). Alpha male in general case is the more dominant one in the relationship and it resembles the stronger partner of the relationship. Words to describe alpha males resemble those of "man" in terms of traditional gender role. Whereas beta males are more passive and nurturing, the softer partner of the relationship. Words to describe beta males resemble those of "woman" in terms of traditional gender role.

Of course not everything a partner does in a relationship resembles gender role. It's just a general idea, or as many of you said, a label. I guess people should not just label, and instead should use more proper term to describe their role. Such as "i am the DOMINANT one in the relationship" instead of "i am the MAN". Or better yet, MisterJay's friend should describe himself as "i am the ALPHA of the the relationship"...or whatever lol

[JamieMadrox]

In a way, one could argue that in a relationship there is always one who is more "manly" that the other, seeing as we are all different. That is different, however, that being "the man" and "the woman", which is a little bit too easy.

[DOMITIAN]

I agree with U, LatinoAmor:
U R both men. Perhaps he means he wants to B the "Boss" in the relationship? Or does he mean he wants only 2B the "Top". Does he expect U to act like some kind of girl ? ? ? I simply reject the idea of one of the partners being the "man".

Now, having said that, I have experienced secretive relationships with married/bi men who insisted that the relationship stay strictly sexual, and never emotional, in nature. These were satisfying relationships in their own way, but neither completely healthy nor "equal" in nature.

[puma199115]

In my relationship, we both have qualities what would mean that we are the "man" in the relationship. I think its just a bunch of crap so that straight people can make sense of a gay relationship. It's like their version of who has the pants in the relationship.