View Full Version : Should I?
13th November 2011, 10:11 am
I'm not totally out yet. I told a couple of my friends and none of them took them badly. My parents still do not know that I am gay. Anyway, I was thinking the next person I should come out to is my current crush, who I think we have do have a good friendship. All my previous confession were through online chatting because I was not entirely confident. This time around I have come to fully accept that I am indeed gay and there is nothing wrong with it, so I would love to tell him in person. Should I tell him? Or just leave it like that? He flirts around with me rather often but I do know he watches straight porn. Then again, he could be confused... or he might be just joking when he is flirting with me. Whatever the case is, I do hope to tell him so I can get over him if he isn't interested. This has been going on for almost a year and sometimes it hurts... I am not exactly the bravest person either, I think I might chicken out if I am too afraid of the outcome. I doubt he'll hate me if I tell him I'm gay but to tell him I like him is really a whole new thing. I can assure that he isn't homophobic. Even if that's the case, am I risking my friendship if I tell him?
PS. I am living in some country where the law actually bans homosexual activities and jails them up. So... even if he is interested I have no idea where this is going to go for us.
13th November 2011, 10:28 am
Sometimes riding the wave of success gives us a false sense of security. If he is confused I can guarantee that your coming out to him will not make him any less confused, infact it could result in the complete opposite.
My advice would be don't come out to him, and in a country that isn't accepting of homosexuality, think twice and be extremely cautious.
13th November 2011, 03:32 pm
He flirts around with me rather often ... he could be confused... .. he might be just joking when he is flirting with me.... am I risking my friendship if I tell him?
PS. I am living in some country where the law actually bans homosexual activities
first off be careful; gay is not a religion and you dont need to out your self to spread the knowledge for the greater good.
so that being said, next time he is flirting:
maybe dont tell him anything but flirt back at him. if he responds negative just say "well you do it to me, just see how it feels"
next time he is flirting with you tell him it is not appreciated because your gay.
13th November 2011, 07:36 pm
That law is a place to start a conversation. Next time he flirts, pull him aside (take him someplace private) and ask him if he is even aware of that law and the consequences that could come if an outsider saw him being flirty with you. A lot could be revealed by his answers, especially if you make it clear that your concern for his well being, not to enforce that law, gives him a 'safe person' to talk about potential stuff that may (or mayn't) be on his mind.
I do not know the full extent of your laws, is expressing an opinion against this law also illegal? If not you may want to tell him you are in full opposition to that law. Easing him to be more open about his take and even how he feels about the subject of homosexuality in general.
No it will not be easy, and you are ultimately going to have to work the words of your culture that are 'safe' yet have potential double meanings, thus revealing a little at a time instead of just saying flat out, "I'm gay."
He may not be confused. The fact that you know he watches straight porn is telling. Why is there a need for others to know that he watches straight porn? Unless he is trying to defray any question about his sexuality, thus reducing his chances of running afoul of the law.
Ultimately I can't see into his heart and tell you what he is really thinking.
What you are going to do is ultimately up to you. That choice is yours, you are more aware of all of the risks here than anyone else.