Reciprocative Feelings

[DerJack]

I've now asked out a couple of guys I've been interested in, both of which turned out to be straight... but I can never tell. How the hell can one determine if someone is even remotely interested in guys without making the giant leap of discussing your feelings/interest with them, I hate this crap!

-Der Jack
"Lately it occurs to me, what a long strange trip it's been"

[fredv3b]

The one advantage of gay bars is that, generally, the guys there are gay.


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[DerJack]

That's true, I guess I've just never lived in an area that had a gay bar.... though I still feel a bit odd about that, because I'm simply not a bar person, and for some reason the idea of going to a bar looking to pick someone up seems odd.

-Der Jack
"Lately it occurs to me, what a long strange trip it's been"

[zeon]

One thing that you could do is download grindr on your phone if able to and do a search for guys in your area... Furthermore try using gut feeling.... I know where i live there is a high gay population so ive never had to do this but inside u can tell like a little gaydar if someone is or isnt

[fredv3b]

I still feel a bit odd about that, because I'm simply not a bar person, and for some reason the idea of going to a bar looking to pick someone up seems odd.

I agree, which is why I said the one advantage.


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[pellaz]

I've now asked out a couple of guys ... both of which turned out to be straight
bet you develop the gaydar fast.

okcupid.com
outboard.org
volunteer at the glbt center front desk.

[DerJack]

Once upon a time I thought I already had my gaydar unit installed.... but I suppose that was before I actually wanted to use it...

-Der Jack
"Lately it occurs to me, what a long strange trip it's been"

[ardus]

In ten years or so of knowing I liked men, I've managed to find exactly 0 guys I liked that were actually gay. Guys I like that weren't, at least 20 or 30. That's life I guess.
Richard

[LateBloomer]

I'm surprised no one has mentioned eye contact (sort of assumed as part of "gay-dar" I suppose).

But if another guy tends to hold your gaze, chances are he's EITHER:

1) Interested
2) Trying to place your face (thinks he might know you)
3) Has poor eyesight and doesn't realize you're checking him out.

So, eye contact isn't 100% reliable, but it's a PRETTY GOOD indicator.

Example: The guy I've been seeing lately, I met online. I asked him once, "If I met you in public would you have flirted with me or tried to talk to me." (I'm very "straight" in my manners and speech). He said, "No, not unless you made eye contact with me."

Try it.
Good luck.
:)

[DerJack]

That's a very good point to bring up, although I feel like I may have encountered this in the past, I probably just shrugged it off as he's trying to figure out why the hell I'm looking at him so much, or if I truly am or not... Thanks for all the pointers though everyone.

Although even more difficult is that issue I know many here have talked about, that being good friends with a guy you're interested in. I've got a post in the relationships section about that, with a full story attached.

[dfiant]

You may have a Gaydar, but knowing the difference between your gaydar going off and being attracted to a guy is a learning curve.

As said above, eye contact is a good clue as is body language.

[ardus]

Eye contact, interesting, but here's the problem with that theory, I'm old fashioned, I look people in the eye as I was taught to by my dad. People I am not interested in and people I am interested in. Surely I'm not the only one.
Richard

[DerJack]

Eye contact, interesting, but here's the problem with that theory, I'm old fashioned, I look people in the eye as I was taught to by my dad. People I am not interested in and people I am interested in. Surely I'm not the only one.
Richard

Yes but simple eye contact is a bit different than the linger of interested eye contact... ya know?

[KJ1989]

In ten years or so of knowing I liked men, I've managed to find exactly 0 guys I liked that were actually gay. Guys I like that weren't, at least 20 or 30. That's life I guess.
Richard

Amen hahahah

With regards the eye contact, there's a difference if it is part of a conversation on something or if it's walking down the hall and your eyes meet and they stay looking ;-)

Edit: I just realized that while I say that, I've still not managed to find any guys who are actually gay that I like :-P