View Full Version : I am such a loser
30th December 2011, 05:35 pm
I moved to New York City recently.
Like all others, I use the Grindr to find guys nearby.
I found one who's interested in me yesterday, and he seemed pretty hot and nice.
We chatted and traded pictures.
We almost met last night if not an small incident.
Then this morning I woke up and felt so horny as usual (haven't had sex for months).
So I left messages to him, saying how much I need a guy like him and want to meet him.
Maybe I am trying too hard, or he feels being used, or he thinks I must not be someone good because I want it so much.
I find that he blocks me just now.
I feel so disappointed and frustrated.
I feel like such a loser.
I blowed another chance to meet good guys again.
The more I want it, the less possibility I can get it.
And the longer I can't get it, the more I want it.
I hate that when sperms occupy my brain, I am not capable of thinking.
Guys, please help me!
I am an attractive person in real.
All the guys would like to meet me again, after first meet.
May be I should try some sex parties.
No such dramas.
30th December 2011, 05:46 pm
Do you want to meet guys for sex or for a relationship? I found that grindr really isn't good for finding a relationship, not to mention a lot of people on it lie about themselves, as with any other dating site/app. Plus, people on grindr are so picky. I wouldnt take offense if this guy blocked you.
I'm a bit old fashioned, but unless you're looking for just sex, I wouldn't try the sex party thing. Even with today's medicines and preventive measures, there are still a lot of std's out there, and risking your health for a few hours of fun isn't worth it.
And...you aren't a loser :tongue: You are just another guy with a very active sex drive. It is nothing to be ashamed of.
30th December 2011, 05:57 pm
I am longing for a monogamous relationship.
But that's much harder than hooking up, which is already a problem for me.
You are right.
I have a very strong sex drive, especially after such a long time not having it.
Who knows how to alleviate this? Please tell me ...
30th December 2011, 06:46 pm
Maybe a advice I gave to people in their coming out and wich try to meet a gay man for the first time can help for the next time : Never let you become yourself so horny that it take control about your life. I think from guy to guy I must not tell you what to do if you are horny.... calmed and with more blood in a brain its easier to think ;)
30th December 2011, 06:54 pm
yeah. act cool
30th December 2011, 07:32 pm
Just be really careful about the online thing, it can work but I think with anything else you have to take time and build up a relationship so it isn't rushed. Just think rationally, take things in their step and most of all calm yourself down think with your brain and not with what is in your trousers. Have patience and things may or might not happen, but that's life. :-)
30th December 2011, 07:43 pm
I personally never used Grindr - such apps didn't exist when I was back on the market - free, single and not in hell...
... No I mean not doomed to an eternity of same sex with the same person for ever and ever and ever and ever...
... No I mean "marital bliss" - yeah - marital bliss.....;)
The grass is always greener....
We had to meet people at places - we had to go out and network with people. These ancient customs included getting hobbies and joining physical groups to meet like minded individuals. We had to get in our horseless carriages and go. Mind this was back in the day when only doctors and drug dealers had 'bricks' (cell phones) so most of us had to rely on beepers or answering machines with our land lines. Primitive, I know.
Long distance relationships only happened when one of the people had to go away for their job. People didn't meet long distance and have to try to make a relationship work over an electronic medium. Back then it would have been a crazy notion to even try to meet that way and have a meaningful relationship. Now days you say 'That's idiotic' people frown at you like you are the village moron....
If you wanted to get laid you went to the bar, or the park (at night) or other local places which were really creepy and scary. There was no app for that. Actually there was no app for anything...
As for dealing with sexual frustration, there was the hand, Cold Showers and of course getting into the horseless carriage going and sitting in a bathroom stall in some place like an airport tapping your toe.... [Only registered and activated users can see links]
You are most likely too pushy, too needy, too _______________ (fill in the blank).
Stop looking for a sex partner. Instead start looking for a friend. Don't talk about having sex with a potential date. Instead discuss friendship building and do things that you would do, act like you would act, if you were interested in a person for merely a friendship type relationship. How can you expect to have a lover relationship with a person you can't be a friend with/to?
I suspect that you are a young Asian "boy" in search of a white man. Fine and well, but understand you are in the White World and you will need to tone down a few things and present other things more.
You are also dealing with a huge stereotyping issue, where Western culture has made some seriously difficult to break stereotypes about Asians: [Only registered and activated users can see links] should help you there.
While there are white guys into Asians (even exclusively) a lot of white guys stick with the culture they are used to - its a safety thing.
If you speak 'Engrish' [Only registered and activated users can see links] You are going to be setting yourself up for lots of disappointment. 'Engrish' tends to immediately bring stereotypical images to the mind of the hearer. A lot of those stereotypes are 'bad'
Forget meeting men on the internet. It is idiotic.:tongue:
Do it the old fashion way, go out, meet people, make friends - lots of friends. Every man you meet does not have to be a sexual conquest, they can be your buddy, your pal, you fishing partner, your hunting partner, your go out and drink buddy.
It is called networking, were you meet people who will introduce you to other people who will, eventually introduce you to that 'Mr. Right'.
DO NOT be exclusive in the people you cultivate friendships with. There are lots of interesting people in the world - gay, straight, bi/black, white, Asian, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. They will have lots of other interesting people in their lives who they will introduce to you. Trust me, the more interesting people in life tend to be far better lovers ;).
Have a hobby or two or three? Find a social meeting group where people who share the same interest as you meet, discuss or even do that hobby. Physically meet - face to face, you know without the internet to hide behind.
Lets say you like to do French Cooking - take a class, learn more French Cooking - at the very least you will learn a few new things, at the most you might find another man there who is into French Cooking and who may actually be interested in you too.
Grindr is a meet up and fuck sort of App. However most people who are into that are pretty shallow, they are looking for a specific type to have sex with and are using the app to weed through lots of potential fuckees.
Grindr an interesting read: [Only registered and activated users can see links]
30th December 2011, 07:48 pm
your in New York now my friend! you will find someone, most likely sooner than you think.
don't try too hard, just put yourself out there and be patient. and as mrk2010 said,
exercise caution. also, masturbate constantly, it will help keep your mind clear. ;)
30th December 2011, 08:25 pm
thanks for your long informative reply, Bowyn.
you are like wikipedia, only better. :)
i am too needy, and shallow.
i am going to take your suggestions, and make more friends.
i am going to join the local sport groups.
30th December 2011, 08:53 pm
... and felt so horny as usual. I find that he blocks me just now. I feel so disappointed and frustrated, a loser.
he is probably with someone else for the evening.
use grinder and something like okcupid.com, take two angles
sounds like your driven.
31st December 2011, 06:05 am
without friendship first it seems a waste of time
risky styles are bad i think
31st December 2011, 09:05 am
just back from the sex party,
without having sex, or even being touched.
it didn't work for me.
i could not even get hard watching people having sex.
31st December 2011, 09:09 am
at least i now know i don't belong there.
and i am still hiv-