Can gay sex be risk free?

[Nightowl86]

Something has been bothering me and I really need some advice. I want a boyfriend and a relationship but I'm afraid of contracting STDs. I've done extensive research on the subject and even when using condoms, all sex has some risk. I thought maybe if I met someone and we both were head over heels for each other, that we could get tested before we started having sex to be safe. I also thought since I'm more of a bottom, that if I dated a guy that only topped it would be safe. But how do I know if he's not cheating on me? Do I be alone the rest of my life or do I risk my life for intimacy and romance? It seems like a lose lose situation.

[fredv3b]

Life is risky. Relationships require trust. Certainty is a rare luxury.


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[DerJack]

And condoms do limit risk by serious magnification... just be wary of genital warts and crabs... these are things that cannot be blocked through use of condoms, but should instead not be a problem by assuring you are aware of your partner's body.

[pellaz]

your only partially in a relationship if you feel you cant trust your partner.
more risk for the bottom

straight sex has its issues too, pregnancy is a big issue along with the same hiv/ std stuff.

[James]

All relationships require trust and understanding, remember we all say things we don't mean at times, so we have to throw out the trash, and evaluate the from the heart information, do not use what you know against the other person, all sex comes with risk, hetro to gay, test more than once as some std's take a few month's to show up in testing, to be absolutly safe be a hermit, leading a solitary life, kinda boring I would think, James

[Rainbowmum]

All sexual orientations have safety issues with unprotected sex.
It all boils down to trust and keeping both of you safe.

If you trust him , perhaps you should both get a full medical test.

[Prometheus]

I agree whole heartedly with the testing sentiment. If you have been in the relationship for a short time and there isn't that kind of trust built up yet --- don't do it. I think you can have very safe gay sex without condoms by making sure you're with someone that wouldn't ever cheat on you (i could never be with someone that is slutty..yuck. I'm a one man kind of guy, always and forever.)

[azulai]

This was and will always be a real issue for me.

The first thing I worked on was figuring out what my comfort zone would be for this. For me personally, I'm not going to risk my life for a quick fuck. I don't apologize for that and I am very upfront about only being interested in monogamous relationships.

The second thing was I decided I cannot be shy about MY life or MY health. So, I promised myself to have no qualms about asking someone to get tested and showing me the results. And, never shying away from someone asking me.

When I met my bf, I was just blunt that this was a big issue for me. We DATED for quite a while, JUST dated. :tongue: We spent a lot of time on romancing each other.

I judge people, I read people and I watch people. I'm not going to be blind when it effects my life. I needed facts to make a decision on whether or not I wanted to be with him. I made sure he realized I didn't need a bf. I talked to him and listened to how he made decisions and what value he placed on life. Some people will think this is stupid but we did things together (volunteering at school events and stuff) that wasn't always romance and alone time. We both understand the concept of self-discipline. He could have walked away and said I was too much trouble, and I was ok with that because I only wanted to be with someone who was willing to invest, communicate and respect me. I'd rather a broken heart than an STI.

Also, I got this from a very special former GS member, marshlander. One day he posted about fidelity being a gift. And, that it's something you give to your partner, not demand. Also, East has spoken many times about the importance of honesty in a relationship and making unrealistic promises.

Well, I used these things as discussion builders with my bf. Our values and personal ethics mesh. We both believe that fidelity is a gift to each other, and the only thing we've promised each other is honesty and respect.

Is there any guarantee? No.

So, communicate, demand tests, build trust and respect yourself enough to speak up about what you need to be comfortable and safe.

[Nick9]

azulai, are you sure you are actually 21? ;)

[azulai]

azulai, are you sure you are actually 21? ;)

:roflmao:
Last time I checked. :tongue:

[gilhooly]

Sex can definitely be risk free. I am 65 and have never had AIDS or an STDs. Meanwhile, I have attended so many gay funerals I weep thinking about friends who died for stupid reasons.

I am very proud of the fact that I always liked to read and comprehend what I was reading. Before the end of the ninth grade in high school, I found out what were the most common sources of death for men were. I made certain I understood how my genitals worked, particularly the prostate and hormone production.

Pretend I am screaming a word at you. The word I am yelling is RESPONSIBILITY. You are the only person responsible for your sex life. Not me. Not the Pope. Not Congress or the assholes in the media.

Find out exactly how your body works. When you become interested in someone else, you must grit your teeth and ask questions. If they avoid answering, take a hike and find some guy who will answer.

My current health is I have the prostate and hormonal health of a teenager. I want to keep it that way. I make sure I am responsible for the things that I do.. My current gay best friend just found out at the age of 50 he is OUT OF BUSINESS. He turned his prostate into a piece of leather because he liked all cocks to be delivered hard and mean through his sphincter. My friend is very effeminate and he hates it when I call him a fucking asshole. He thinks I am not being nice to him. I wish my friend's father had given him the facts of life. But his father hated queers like his son. He never told his son anything. My friend is so stupid, he joined a gym. He thinks his prostate will recover if he does some exercise. IT WON"T. Prostates don't regenerate either for me or stupid people.

I thank God for having two pagan parents who let me ask anything about sex since I was a child. They always told me the truth to the extent they knew the truth. They thought it was fine that I was sexually attracted to boys at 11. They told me the various things I needed to know about sex. What they didn't know they told me to do research in textbooks.

Young guys have to know exactly how their bodies work. I see gay porn where young guys are putting their fists in each other's asses. You can't believe that is a good idea. You cannot urinate all over each other. That is not a good idea. I saw one young man pull 6 balls the size of grapefruits from his ass. I couldn't even guess where they would fit inside my body.

Use common sense. Be responsible. Ask tough questions and don't be afraid to be called rude. I am often called rude because I am very blunt when I speak. But at least I still have my life and my sexual health after 65 years. I see some guys in gay porn who will be OUT OF BUSINESS by 30.

By the way, I had a great sex life that included over 50,000 orgasms. I loved a guy and constantly asked him if we could make love like to normal gay guys. I wanted to try sex in a bed. He refused my requests and said normal sex was for idiots and fat assed Republicans. Guys, I really liked having an orgasm in a car being driven at over 100 mph. It felt great. I liked having sex in public places. We never even got arrested. At 65, I have a beautiful empty FBI file with some nice notes about me as a marine. The marines offered me any embassy or the White House to reenlist. I chose a somewhat more outrageous lifestyle as a homosexual. I lived outside the box. I had a great life guys. I never got a disease or anything.

I would love to turn on TV and listen to an intelligent conversation among gay guys. They would describe how great it feels to have a soft penis achieve erection in their mouths. They would happily discuss the taste of semen ejaculating into their throats. They would be poetic about how glorious the male erection feels as it comes to orgasm inside another guy.

The media says that talk of sex is irresponsible. Only abstinence can be discussed in the United States of America. I disagree. We should talk openly about our feelings and let God decide who the real assholes are. I performed the acts that God intended of me. I did them openly and knew God approved. I am very glad I never knew guilt. Hooray for pagans. Eventually you will realize we are right. We operate in accordance with the laws of human nature, the confines of our planet, in agreement with our solar system, in harmony with our galaxy, in full view of the universe and with God's respect.

Bad news Nightowl86. Bottoms are far more like ly to get Aids and STD's. Be rude and ask the guy a lot of questions. Look at his erection and make sure it will fit. Ask him to slow down and stop periodically. Talk to the guy about how close to orgasm you are. Calm down awhile. Then grin at him and start over. Do that 20 times in a row, you just might faint when you explode. It is called anal reservatus. It feels great. My guy and I had great conversations about sex while we were performing sex. After sex we were to confused to remember. I used to like playing checkers with him. We were always competitive. We played cards having sex. Sometimes playing Hearts I cheated. On his back, I told him which suit would trump my suit. Chinese checkers didn't work out. The marbles ran all over the board. The pounding on the bed would make the marbles leave their hole. I never left my guy's hole. I loved using his body instead of dishes. I loved licking up leftovers. Leftovers where often white and sticky.

I was a good cook. One day I made Beef Wellington. The sauce was delicious. port wine, onions, mushrooms and a wonderful cognac.. Two days later. Tom's erection looked so beautiful I put a hot dog roll under it. I smeared the sauce all over his joint and ate it down to the last dry bite of the hot dog roll. Tom was nice. I washed the roll down with a big load of semen he generously gave me.

We did all sorts of things to keep the apartment looking nice. We also performed anal intercourse while we did everything. I taught him to cook pancakes and sausages. He enjoyed the feeling of me going in and out while he cooked. To make sure his penis didn't get hit by grease, I held onto it while he cooked. We cheated. I wanted dessert served on my pancakes and sausages. He came all over them. They were delicious.

Personally, I thought Tom's cock tasted best with a Hollandaise sauce. For dessert I would roll him over and drizzle Hershey's syrup in the crack. I loved eating Tom. It was a great meal and not fattening.

He asked me to do interesting things. John, fuck me and pretend you hate me while you do it. It never worked guys. I started to laugh so hard pretending to hate Tom, I would fall down laughing unable to achieve orgasm. We smiled eventually and knew we would try it again.

We barely spoke. I would look at Tom and he would shake his head No. My request was filed and under consideration. An hour later I would look at him. He leered and shook his head Yes. I went to work wothout making a sound. I knelt down in front of him and started to mouth everything until I got a reaction. It was tough to pull down his zipper with my teeth but I got the job done.

I am proud to say we never performed sex exactly the same way. We could always alter the game and invent some new rules. We made cerain we ended every game in a one to one tie. Lovers are like that.

For God sake, guys, use your imagination when having sex. I have thousands of memories to choose from. People wonder why that strange old man will burst out laughing for no reason. Other times, I get a wicked erection in a supermarket when I see some food I use to eat from Tom's body.

Hey, guys, pass the onion dip. I want to use your erection to clean out the container. People are horrified at a dirty old man like me leering at items in the dairy counter. The human body can be used in so many peculiar ways. I had fun with Tom. We were responsible and supportive of each other, always.

Don't make sex a series of one night stands. you will definitely get very hurt. The fewer the lovers you have in your life, the better your memories will be. I saw a BelAmi orgy with 28 guys. The bastards were performing sex on an assembly line. Who needs to see 28 cum shots in 10 minutes. I don't.

[fredv3b]

Sex can definitely be risk free.

I am very proud of the fact that I always liked to read and comprehend what I was reading.

Alas whatever you read was wrong and you believed it.

For the benefit of the original poster, sex can't be risk free, it can be safe but not risk free.




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[fenris]

I think sex and health are the wrong place to be shy. It is very important to be open minded and talk about... and if you are not sure whats to do : Let it be... say no and go home... I know not really easy but the only way you have to protect yourself.
A second thing is.... not everyone is a vanilla-sex type. There are many different kinds of sex..... and Aids is not the only Problem you have to watch. There is by example a kind of Hepatitis you have to watch... and this kind of Hepatitis you can get by human urine. It´s not just blood and sperm what can be dangerous...
I always say...wait... Test... and after 3 month another Test...and if this both tests are OK you have the highest chance to stay healthy if both (..or more ;) ) are trustfully and honest. I´m not a friend of fast sex and one night stands ... I want sex in a way that I alwasy can say : It was secure... and I can do what I want without bad feelings. A second advantage of this kind of sex is : You have 3 month time to learn about your partner.... learn what you both want....and thats a good thing , too.
Another thing is: Protect your partner if you feel and / or see, that he has not enough knowledge about protection and dangers. Don´t let him do what he wants to do if you know that things he do are wrong. This can happen if you are the first partner of someone... Don´t think that it is not your problem if he whats to try something without protection.... be always a fair and honest partner.

[ardus]

As has been said before, nothing is risk free. You take a risk walking out your door and crossing the street. That being said, you can't live life in fear, you'll never live your life you'll just be existing. As far as sex, I'm a big proponent of three things in sexual relationships, be they comitted, or temporary. One: Education. You must understand about sex and not only the mechanics, that's the easy stuff the hard stuff is the risks and how to mitigate them.
Two: Protection. Let me say that again because it is worth saying again. PROTECTION. Condoms, first, last and always. The extra ten seconds it takes to put on that condom can mean living a full life and not dying of AIDS. Of course that's the extreme case, but there are a lot of other things out there. I'm an NCO in the Army, and I can't tell you how many young men have come to me saying, Sergeant, I have this burning, or, Sergeant, I have this strange colored stuff coming out of it, and I don't know what to do. When you ask them about their sexual behavior the answer is always the same, no I didn't wear a condom. The excuses I've heard are amazing. I'm embarrassed to buy them, I don't like how they feel, they don't fit right, I want to feel myself comming inside, all the things. The excuses are just that, excuses, and as we say in the US Army the effective range of an excuse is 0 meters.
Three: Before you even dream about thinking about considering taking the condom off, you must BOTH BE TESTED, and you must BOTH SEE THE RESULTS ON PAPER. I know guys that have been burned because they trusted someone who said they have been tested. It's a simple thing.

Well now that the lecture is over, here is the good part.

Sex is wonderful, relationships are wonderful. Don't let fear get in the way. Educate yourself, protect yourself, and go out there and live life to the fullest.

That's my advice
Richard

[dfiant]

The reason we hear 'safe sex' and not 'risk free sex' is that their is no such thing as risk free sex. Condoms are considered to offer the BEST protection but are prone to breakage.

Everything in life has its risks as well as benefits.

[GayDatingExpert]

If you are both tested and clean then sex can be risk free.

However if you are dating and not sure of his status, a condom is the safer option, but never risk free. When you are in a relationship you have to trust them (which sometimes is easier said than done)

[dfiant]

If you are both tested and clean then sex can be risk free.


Really? Care to explain why medical and health professionals are wrong and you are right?

[myapple]

The reason we hear 'safe sex' and not 'risk free sex' is that their is no such thing as risk free sex. Condoms are considered to offer the BEST protection but are prone to breakage.

Everything in life has its risks as well as benefits.

what dfiant said! The best things you can do are enema and use condoms. You also can't always expect the perfect relationship. Take a chance and do it.

[mrk2010]

I think with any type of sex there is some sort of risk, but you put things in place to minimise the risk to be carfeul. :-)

[BeautifulBlue]

My only advice is: Always wear a condom. Always make sure you're well-prepared (if you're bottoming.) Make sure your dominant partner isn't too rough with you (to avoid tears, which can increase chances of infections.) And also, big thing: make sure the condom is the right size. If the guy you're with pulls out a magnum and he isn't proportioned for it, you pull out your own condoms and tell him to use them. Same goes for the opposite thing. Don't let your guy try and squeeze into a condom if it's too small.

[Dean]

don't forget condoms are also risky.

[zeon]

the only pleasure that is risk free is masturbation you on yourself if u dabble with someone else expect the un expected could occur