So you're out ... but are you out in PUBLIC ??

[Shadow]

Hokay, something Drocko17 said in another thread made me think of this ... he mentioned about a day (which I knew nothing about I must say) where all gay people were to go out in public and hold their partners' hands as a demonstration of solidarity ...

... and so I started to think ...

... if you're out, and you're out in public with your partner, how physical are you with them ?

Compared with your average straight couple who will think absolutely nothing of holding each others' hands, exchanging pecks on the cheek etc., etc. ...

My boyfriend and I are more relaxed about it than I had originally thought we would be, which is EXCELLENT. When we see each other or say goodbye to each other at the airport, we give each other a quick kiss on the lips (nothing excessive - just an "I love you" kiss), and we'll hold hands if we're in some of the quieter areas of town ...

... I guess we've just learned to adopt the "if we don't make it a problem, why should it be a problem ?" mentality ...

What about you guys ??

Cheers,

!?!?! Shadow !?!?!

[drocko17]

good deal indeed
how gay couples 'behave' in public?

[Gay]

I love this topic. It's fascinated me for ages.

Personally, I assess the situation before I try anything. Look around and see how many people there are, how old they are, and are they likely to jump me if they see me hugging a guy..!

My boyfriend began our relationship terrified of being seen doing anything gay in public, and somehow he's become braver than me - initiating all sorts of things in car parks and on the beach.

And I gotta say - I love it. At that moment in time, I quite frankly couldn't care less if the Deep South of the USA descended on us with their torches, pitchforks and antiquated arguments.

It's just me. And him. And we're loving acting like a "normal" couple. To Hell with anyone else.

So yes. Thumbs-up from an increasingly-open affectionate gay guy!

x

[drocko17]

is there any serious risk? has anyone gone trough a really bad situation being out in public?

[Michael]

It's not anything I've really thought about not doing...

Perhaps because I started my relationship, and being gay really, in foreign countries where you to tend to feel "safe" because it's not our country, ie. real. So I always took a kind of fuck you mnetality and did as I (we) pleased.

It wasn't long before I realized that most people don't care, or at least not enough to make a big deal out of it. People tend to get bullied more for being timid than being out. People take advantage of our insecurities. Don't show any and it puts them in the position of being the aggressor.

We've been ourselves, (and that is very demonstrative), all over the world, and never had a problem. Sometiems we get the occassional odd look, but oh well. We'd get the same if we were a 100 pounds over wieght, handicapped, black, asian or a thousand other things people find not "the norm".

As long as we stay within the perameters of what is behavior that everyone finds acceptable (hand holding, hugging, light kissing, etc.) let them think what they want.

[Shadow]

Well said gentlemen - if we want to function normally in a normal society then we must act within what are deemed the norms ... is the logical assessment of the situation ...

... and so kissing, holding hands, etc., etc., are all acceptable ... people might get a bit icky about watching us eating each others faces off, but then that's the same as people walking past straight couples doing it and going "get a rooooom".

I'm glad these are the types of responses that are coming back - they're very encouraging :biggrin:.

Hokay I'm gonna hit the sack now ... à demain, mes amis !

xx

!?!?! Shadow !?!?!

[fjp999]

I am like Michael. Most of my relationships started in Japan or Asia and foreigners can get away with a lot there.

My first Japanese bf was really into turning heads in Japan (not that difficult) and I was really into Punk so we made a mess of ourselves in public.

My next and current bf (unfortunately, long distant now) is not very public about his affection (even in private) but everyone tells us that they can tell we are a long time couple. We have our own language.

So I think it depends on the people in the relationship. I cant imagine forcing one partner to be public.

frank

[Shadow]

That's another very good point ... I would never force myself upon anybody, in private or in public, as I'm waaaaaaaaaaay too observant of people's comfort-levels to make that mistake ... so it HAS to be a mutual thing ...

... otherwise you just embarrass them (or they you), which can lead to upset, resentment and who-knows-what-else ... :sad:.

!?!?! Shadow !?!?!

[Michael]

Yikes....

Hee hee, well not quite what I meant. I just happened to be in Japan, my first boyfriend was actually French (damn them all!). But being abroad does afford one the illusion that you can get away with more. Even to this day I would walk in dangerous neighborhoods in Germany, feeling myself to be safe...while I would never do that here, yet Fred would.

Funny thing that. How easily we can escape our upbringing by moving a couple of thousand miles. Comming out for me was a breeze as well, since I did that in Japan as well. Everyone I was with there was a stranger to me, so they just took it as the "norm". Seeing them all take it as normal let me feel good about it as well.

I went from breast stroke to backstroke without missing a beet. But oh was he beautiful.......Anyway.....

[Gay]

Funniest thing...

After all I said before, my day was ruined today by, of all people, a Charver.

We were on the opposite side of the street to him, doing nothing that would suggest being gay, and he shouts across: "Are you gonna hold his hand?"

Why? In the name of God, why!? He had a school uniform on for Pete's sake! Why would he think that!?

That has served only to shatter my confidence in being in public with my boyfriend. So many questions have surfaced now, that weren't there before.

Is it that obvious? Will it ALWAYS be that obvious? Will there be more trouble? Am I destined to suffer through Life because of this?

For God's sake. Why must it be like this...? :cry:

x

[Shadow]

A[Only registered and activated users can see links] babe !

:bighug:

I think it's got to be taken as a given that there are @rseholes everywhere these days ...

I'd like to think I'd have just French-kissed the FACE off Martyn had I been in your shoes, but truth be told ? I too would have been absolutely GUTTED, so you do have my sympathies :sad:

The best advice I can give is for you to just try your best to ignore them - they're just being w@nkers :mad:.

xx

!?!?! Shadow !?!?!

[GayComputerDude]

Though single now .. in relationships I've had - it never really at the time crossed my mind .. it was the person I was with and didn't care who was watching .. I act the same way with a gay friend in public .. it's only an issue if you make it an issue (or actually somewhere where it is dangerous to do so) .. and I've been with a couple guys that for them it was an issue and I didn't like that

I'm me .. I'm "normal" .. and I don't care what other people think

and I have had a few times where "we" have been screamed at .. and a bottle thrown from a car once .. but no real face to face confrontation .. and in those instances .. if they hadn't seen us and acted that way they would have found an interracial couple or a fat couple or an ugly couple or whatever kind of couple to yell at or throw something at .. because the real truth is they had a problem .. not me

[Michael]

I agree,

Although to be fare, Fred and I are big guys and more likely to have girls (and their boyfriends) check us out rather than insult us. Bullies (and idiots) tend to pick on those who appear weaker or are...ahem...across the street.

A few years ago in Sydney we were comming home from a club and we passed a car with four young-ish guys in it. One called us fags as we walked by (it was Mardi Gras so the chances were really good he was right) the car.

I stopped and looked in the car and told him if he wanted to step out I'm sure his friends would find it really funny to watch him get his ass kicked by a faggot. He did not get out by the way. Of course had he got out I would have shit my pants ;-) .....but it was a pretty good bluff.

[Shadow]

Individually, people are generally sound ... it's when they're in groups and feel they have to act tough to impress their mates that they become borderline intolerable ...

I've never understood that about humans ... mind you I suppose it's not so different from animals ... a pack of dogs would take on bigger prey than a solitary dog on its own ...

... mind you ... a pack of dogs has the spine to attack, rather than just throw jibes from the safety of a parked car as that GIMP did whilst you and Fred were walking by ...

... honestly, sometimes people f*cking annoy me :mad:. Why BOTHER interfering in other people's business ? If they're not doing you any harm, just let them pass !!

IDIOTS !! :mad: :mad: :mad:.

!?!?! Shadow !?!?!

[drocko17]

ouch

what happened shadow?? :S

[Shadow]

Nothing to me, no - I was empathising with Michael's previous post (but thanks for the concern babe xx).

!?!?! Shadow !?!?!

[drocko17]

hehehhe you seemed sort of annoyed, VERY emphatic indeed

xD

agree with you anyway

[Shadow]

:redface: thanks babe :smile:.

xx

!?!?! Shadow !?!?!

[Udabar]

I personally don't care what others think. I will go out in public dressed how I want and do what I want with whom ever I want. I always say, if they don't like it then don't look. I'm not doing it to show you anyways. I love when people used to tell me to get a room... I always looked at them and told them I will once you hand over the keys to your house. Anyways, off topic, I personally think we should all go out and do that at least once a month, if not more.

[futureRD]

My boyfriend and I are "out" in public in certain places, only because we don't feel like risking getting lynched. For the most part we will touch, hug, or give a quick kiss any where but in the religious hospitals and at the state fair.

[drocko17]

I personally think we should all go out and do that at least once a month, if not more.

yes!! that's part of the idea if my 'gay hand by hand day'

[princealbertofb]

...
but truth be told ? I too would have been absolutely GUTTED, so you do have my sympathies :sad:

The best advice I can give is for you to just try your best to ignore them - they're just being w@nkers :mad:.

xx

!?!?! Shadow !?!?!

HAHAHA Shadz, I've just found a repartee for our friend here:
to
"Are you going to hold his hand?"

he could have shouted back:

"And are you going to toss your midget widget off in public?"

but we never think of these things at the right moment, do we?

[Wilem]

Erm... I don't have a boyfriend to be publicly out with... the one time I could of held someones hand in public he didn't want to...
BUT i do talk about it openly in public.

Can that count? Coz if it does I totally deserve a rainbow badge.

[princealbertofb]

RAINBOW BADGE FOR WILEM

:biggrin: :biggrin: :biggrin: :biggrin: :biggrin: :biggrin: :biggrin: :biggrin: :biggrin: :biggrin: :biggrin: :biggrin: :biggrin: :biggrin: :biggrin: :biggrin:

[Wilem]

RAINBOW BADGE FOR WILEM

:biggrin: :biggrin: :biggrin: :biggrin: :biggrin: :biggrin: :biggrin: :biggrin: :biggrin: :biggrin: :biggrin: :biggrin: :biggrin: :biggrin: :biggrin: :biggrin:

ARGH! WOOOT!

:biggrin:

[princealbertofb]

Well you wondered whether you deserved a RAINBOW BADGE....

I motion that you do, especially after dealing with Martin's sh*t!!!
Kudos to you, young man.

[Wilem]

lol

yay

:smile:

[Hyde]

I'm out and out in public, I openly tell people of my sexuality (I dont like go up and be like 'OMGZ IM GAY') but if I see someone hot, I'm like "OMG, HES HOT XOXOXOXOX", haha. So yeah, I'm open in public and in the classroom.

and I would do anything in public (Within reason) that a heterosexual couple would. I'm not ashamed of being me, so yeah... :)

[princealbertofb]

Do you deserve a
RAINBOW BADGE....
too then, Hyde ????

[Wilem]

if I see someone hot, I'm like "OMG, HES HOT XOXOXOXOX"

So.. how do you pronounce that, Hyde?

[princealbertofb]

I'm out and out in public, I openly tell people of my sexuality (I dont like go up and be like 'OMGZ IM GAY') but if I see someone hot, I'm like "OMG, HES HOT XOXOXOXOX", haha. So yeah, I'm open in public and in the classroom.

and I would do anything in public (Within reason) that a heterosexual couple would. I'm not ashamed of being me, so yeah... :)
So.. how do you pronounce that, Hyde?

I believe
"OMG, HES HOT XOXOXOXOX"
reads as:
Oh my God, he's hot *kiss* *hug* *kiss* *hug* *kiss* *hug* *kiss* *hug* *kiss*
in other words =
SMOTHER!
:wink: :rolleyes: :wink: :rolleyes: lol:rolleyes: :wink: :rolleyes: :wink:
:eek:

[Sui]

if I had a boyfriend nearby (or a boyfriend period) then I'd do whatever any straight couple would in public. I tell people all the time my sexuality if they ask... or make a joke involving it. While I might not be a flaming gay guy, apparently I ring up on just about everybody's gaydar (yay...?)

[kinkyhungslim]

I think its nice to see to openly gay men in the street holding hands with each other, pecks on the lips and checks are fine as long as it doesnt go to far unless the place is secluded. I think people are more acustomed to gay people being "out" and being "out" with their partners.