Screaming at the fork in the road.

I am a 25 year old bisexual woman. I have been in relationships with both women and men alike. I have been in monogamous and open relationships. This is where the problem lies...

I have been with a 28 year old man for about one year and one month. In the beginning, my bisexuality wasn't a huuuuge deal and he was somewhat curious about it. He even said 70% of him wants to watch me with another woman. But then with more feelings comes more complications. And eventually, he didn't want to share me with anyone anymore. Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't want to share him either, but he also seems to have no desire to share or be shared.

I hate to come off as your stereotypical bisexual where I want my cake and eat it, too. I just can't help it. I barely look at guys, but I can't help myself from staring at girls. That desire to be with a woman is driving me crazy. And not just sexually but romantically; companionship. I feel so horrible. He's such a good man and loves me so much, but he's insecure about my bisexuality.

I'm so afraid if I stay in this relationship, I'll just end up hurting him. I am in love with him. I really am. Either I leave him to explore my options, have a polyamorous relationship (which I doubt he'd accept) or stay with him. I could be happy or regret any of these decisions. I just don't know what to do. My intentions are pure. I've never cheated. Help!

-Violetta

[dfiant]

Sorry to be blunt, but you are making it out that this is his problem. He is committed to a monogamous relationship, that is what love is about, commitment.

The choice is yours, you have to make yourself happy. If you are afraid of hurting him by cheating, then perhaps you should end the relationship, that's not fair on him.

It's certainly not his sole problem. I know this is mine and mine alone. I'm being selfish by not letting him go, but I'm just not ready to. I just wish he was ok with me being in a relationship with a woman, buuuuut that will never happen. Thanks for your input. I'll take about anything I can get right now.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

None of can tell you what to do.

You know your options. You have listed them already.

How you make the choice is also up to you. How I would make a choice may not be the healthiest for you.

Perhaps you should ask yourself why it is you barely look at guys, but stare at the women.... Maybe your answer lies there in.

Yea, that makes sense. I only dated women for a year a couple years back. I still enjoy sex with men, but I seem to get far more emotionally attached to beautiful, feminine women. I just feel bad for my boyfriend. I feel like a horrible person but I can't help how I feel.

I would honestly prefer to be in a polyamorous relationship, but certainly don't want to make him feel bad because I asked. He's very emotional and has cried at least 20 times because my bisexuality has made him feel insecure. It sucks.

[James]

Hi ViolettaAlexis, I have know Bi's both male and female, it is a tough position to be in as you are pulled differant directions at the same time. The answer isn't black and white, it lies in feelings which are difficult to express to someone who has never been there. I would try to lay it all out for him if you truly would like to stay with him, however, being true to yourself is the only option, James

[SleepTalker]

i wouldnt want to share my significant other with anyone else. i wouldnt want him/her to be seeing some one else at the same time they were dating me.

I know. It's just a hard decision. =\

[James]

Just wait and let all of GS have an input

[LateBloomer]

Sounds like you and your bf have two different expectations about what it means to be in a relationship.

Intellectually you know what it means, but it seems like your heart isn't in it.

I'm not criticizing. There's plenty of room in this world for all kinds of relationships but it's always going to be difficult if your full time partner has different expectations than you.

Good luck.

[azulai]

Hi, ViolettaAlexis. Welcome to GS!

When you think of a relationship, what do you ideally want? Is your current relationship there or have the potential to get there? You mention a polyamorous relationship, so I'm curious if this is just for now or is this what you feel like you ultimately need?

What has happened in your past relationships with women? Did you go through something similar and then desire to be with men? I guess, I'm wondering if there is a pattern of behavior after being in a relationship for a while that you need to be aware of?

How did you and your current bf meet? Are you living together? I understand that you love him, but maybe your love for him has evolved more into a friendship-love?

I think you have soul searched and you seem very aware of yourself. It's difficult when the answers may hurt someone we love. Hang in there, you need to give yourself time to work though this and as James has said, you have to be true to yourself.

[Rainbowmum]

Hi ViolettaAlexis,

First ,welcome to GS.
I have to agree with most of what has been said already, by other members.
Sweetie, no one here can or will tell you what to do , the same as no one here will set judgment upon you.
We are here to listen and help.
It sounds to me like you need to do a fair bit of soul searching, only you know what makes you happy and content.
You have to be true to yourself,but not only that, you also have to love the person you are ,when you are true to yourself.( the reason I mention this is because you can not live a lie that pleases someone else, it just wont work .)

If you are in a relationship that you are not 100% commited to , it is not fair to either one of you, and some one will inevitability get hurt.

You will never be able to get the femininity you crave from a woman , from a man.
We are built different and I say ,vive la différence.
A man is a man warts and all , the same goes for a woman.

I am pretty sure that gay men are attracted to men, because they are men.( not imitation women)

One bit of advice I would like you to consider if you please,
Being bisexual does not give anyone the right to cheat on someone, or to have their cake and eat it when in an exclusive committed relationship, and it sounds to me that your relationship with him has developed into just that.

Sweetie , if you want to play the field , then play it ,but play fair and not with the heart of someone that has given that heart to you.

[LateBloomer]

That was lovely RBmum.

Herlo there,
By sounds of it you got stuck in the middle... I would recommend maybe listening to your heart over your mind... Your heart is longing for a woman and its not exactly fair on both of you if you keep this up... Of course your going to love him that emotion wont ever die... Everyone we have ever loved we always feel the love for them as love is a seed it grows it welts but it never dies... lf i was you and longing for same sex attraction as his ruled out girls in your life i would kindly let him go.... Explain to him your doing this not because you have fallen out of love because you cant love is a seed and doesnt die... Your doing this because its not fair on both of you... You for the bi sexuality wanting to go with both sexes and him for having to endure this... Of course tell him you would love to be great friends and possibly in the future once ya both explored options then your be happy to go get back together....

This is the reason i said to my boyfriend

Your my partner not my possession.. I dont own you control you i only trust you, however if ya go out one night and something happens just be honest with me and ill respect that but if i see evidence or footage of events and you havent told me..... May god help you!

Kinbdest regards

zeonb x