Asking A Guy Out

[sonofthemanse]

Hello everyone, thanks for taking the time to read this. Basically I don't know if/when I should ask someone out. Do you get really close to them and then ask them out, or ask them out and then get really close to them? And how do I know if I'm ready for a relationship - is it just a gut feeling? There's an openly gay single guy I like whom I sit beside in school and I don't know whether I should make a move; I suppose I'm rushing things a bit as there are only about two weeks until we leave school to go to university. If we became an item, I suppose we could still meet up during the summer. I really like him (however, not sure if it's just infatuation or not!) but am not sure if he reciprocates that romantically. We're both going to read similar subjects at university. However, he's really fond of clubbing and getting drunk etc., which I've never really done. We are quite good friends but not in a normal close, confiding way. I'm scared to mention his homosexuality to him at all as I'm not sure how comfortable he is when other people mention it, even though he is not a gay virgin and his close friends do mention it occasionally. Plus he is horrible to me in a friendly way, if that makes sense. That might just be his personality but I quite like that, I think it's cute - although I'm not sure if he means it or not. I know I should just ask him as I might regret not doing so later, but I'm scared that his refusal will put a dampener on my last days at school. Also, my parents don't know I'm thinking this and they're perfectly clear that they will not allow any boyfriends home. So in a nutshell, am I ready/wise to ask him out, or should I wait and see if better guys are at university?

So bascially, u two are foil and that's good thing for a perfect match.

"get close to them" and "ask them out" is just the same as getting to know more about somebody, dont try to stress over it.

U have only 2 weeks left so what would u lose. besides, if he accept, u will have the best moment ever.

Best of luck -

I think if you like him and want to get to know him better...go ahead and ask him out. If he agrees...it can go a zillion different ways...you might like him alot more or maybe not at all...no guarantees...

The tough part can be the possibility of rejection which is something we all have to face and hopefully not fear too much. Rejection can make you stronger and wiser if you let it

Good Luck to you!

[sonofthemanse]

Thanks for you advice; I really appreciate it. Some more questions: we are always exchanging sexual innuendo with each other just as a joke (we're both a bit immature!); do you think this would make light of a serious proposition? And if he accepts, do I have to organise dates etc. or can I leave it to him as he's had a boyfriend before and knows the ropes? I don't want to appear too possessive towards him. Or is it meant to be a joint effort? As you can probably tell, I haven't the slightest clue about how relationships work!

u need to manage your life, dont let anyone take control it over u.

besides, for me, romantic is simply = childish + emotional + nature.

try to making these things happen at once and u will have ur answer.

good luck

[pellaz]

Originally Posted by sonofthemanse

... However, he's really fond of clubbing and getting drunk etc., which I've never really done. ...

you said he's straight? even if not pass this one by till you know what you want.

[sonofthemanse]

No, he's openly gay! I don't know what I want - in my opinion, relationships (especially the first one - I have never been in a relationship before) are all about cancelling things out rather than only finding Mr Right. I might like the clubbing; it's just that I've been brought up to be the epitome of innocence and have never tried it. But I've enjoyed the tame school discos! However, I have a hunch that there's a darker side to him - not a bad dark, just a side that he doesn't want anyone bar his closest friends to see ... should I see this as a challenge, or something to avoid? I mean, everyone has secrets!

[pellaz]

Originally Posted by sonofthemanse

... just that I've been brought up to be the epitome of innocence and have never tried it ...

there is a price for everything, stay the way you are, there is no turning back.

ok ask if he will show you.
who cares if he "has a darker side" you have an exit plan.

for a relationship BOTH boys have to want one and they are LOTS of work. Stay away from them innocent boy.

Originally Posted by sonofthemanse

No, he's openly gay! I don't know what I want - in my opinion, relationships (especially the first one - I have never been in a relationship before) are all about cancelling things out rather than only finding Mr Right. I might like the clubbing; it's just that I've been brought up to be the epitome of innocence and have never tried it. But I've enjoyed the tame school discos! However, I have a hunch that there's a darker side to him - not a bad dark, just a side that he doesn't want anyone bar his closest friends to see ... should I see this as a challenge, or something to avoid? I mean, everyone has secrets!

I know, right. Relationship suck. I never date before b/c of that and b'c i dont have opportunity like u. u r luckier than me, dude .

But relationship is more than that. When life give u a guy, just date him and make the moment unforgetable. U'll know who is Mr.Right just in time.

So just ask him out, dont hesitate or u'll lose your moment...

Originally Posted by minhthien94

I know, right. Relationship suck. I never date before b/c of that and b'c i dont have opportunity like u. u r luckier than me, dude .

But relationship is more than that. When life give u a guy, just date him and make the moment unforgetable. U'll know who is Mr.Right just in time.

So just ask him out, dont hesitate or u'll lose your moment...

There is a saying something like

Dont rush in where fools fear to tread or something like that basically dont rush thingsd

Originally Posted by zeon

There is a saying something like

Dont rush in where fools fear to tread or something like that basically dont rush thingsd

but there is something also say dont lose your moment.

Bsides, if it is Mr.Right, he'll find the way to go back to his love.

[sonofthemanse]

So are you suggesting that I should ask him out or not? You seem to imply at first that I should, then you tell me not to. Sorry, but I'm confused!

[pellaz]

Originally Posted by sonofthemanse

So are you suggesting that I should ask him out or not? ... Sorry, but I'm confused!

if you can accept
-its not a relationship
-dont accept being treated badly
-have a Prez Bush style exit plan if you dont like him or friends

do it.

[Dan1980]

Hi I would ask him out. He can only say yes or no. If he says yes you can both organize dates and places to go. You never know he could be the one.

Are you two guys planning to attend distant colleges / universities? I'd say "forget about it" if you're going to live hundreds of miles apart. But if there is some reasonable geographical closeness during your college / university time, go for it! I've found that long distance relationships are ... not so good.