Alright, What does my future hold? - GaySpeak Gay Forums | Online Friends Community

29th April 2012

Ok, I will try to keep this brief guys. I am a guy in college and just need a little guidance/direction/i don't really know!

Anyway, I am pretty sure I am bi, probably even more so homosexual than hetero. But the problem is I just cannot see my life as a gay man. I really don't think I hate my self for having these feelings, I don't look in the mirror and hate myself or anything like that, its just that I genuinely do not want to live with a man and can not see myself doing so.

I have always wanted a girlfriend/future wife and feel like I'd be a great husband and father too. But, I just feel like this part of me will overshadow it. I mean, I am definitely attracted to guys more so than girls, but in terms of a relationship and actual commitment I don't think i would be able to give that to a guy. I also wouldn't ever want to do anything with a guy other than probably kissing and laying together.

I've never done anything with either sex, and I guess I would consider myself "sexually shy" at the very least!

This probably has more to do with my confusion as anything, as sometimes I wonder if I would ever be able to be intimate with anyone.

On an ending note, I would go ahead and guess that no one would ever think that I have these feelings, and I am not in a real good position where I could talk about this with anyone other than an internet forum like this. I'd just like some advice and what not, I just feel really confused and weird and just don't know what to do. Thanks

LateBloomer · 29th April 2012

I've told my story many times now on this site. Basically I understand where you're coming from.

I felt "ambiguous" for many years and ended up calling myself bi-sexual, although "ambi-sexual" might have been more accurate.

ALL I CAN TELL YOU IS THIS: You're young, you lack experience but over the years you're going to meet people and be in situations that will be very "enlightening".

(Sounds mysterious, doesn't it?)

It IS mysterious, try to enjoy the "reveal", stop trying to fast forward to the chase scene to find out how it ends.

Time will solve this.

You may not feel purely gay or straight today, but later you might have some clarity.

Bowyn Aerrow · 29th April 2012

In my 20's I never saw myself out of a collar (clergy). Things changed. I meet the right man who nearly swept me off my feet. My world view changed at/around age 24 and things I never considered became acceptable in my mind.

Eventually you will meet that person who you will want to spend the rest of your life with.

These doubts and worries you have, these questions will be answered in their eyes.

DoubleDiamond · 2nd May 2012

Internalized homophobia can be a sly devil. It can influence your perceptions of yourself (and your perceptions of yourself in a gay relationship) without you even knowing that it's happening. Keep in mind that by the time we're 18 we've heard *thousands* of "gay is bad" messages and very few, if any, "gay is good" messages. Hard to not have that affect your perception of yourself as a gay/bi man.

29th April 2012	#1
wildblue86 Self-deleted account... Posts: n/a	Alright, What does my future hold? Ok, I will try to keep this brief guys. I am a guy in college and just need a little guidance/direction/i don't really know! Anyway, I am pretty sure I am bi, probably even more so homosexual than hetero. But the problem is I just cannot see my life as a gay man. I really don't think I hate my self for having these feelings, I don't look in the mirror and hate myself or anything like that, its just that I genuinely do not want to live with a man and can not see myself doing so. I have always wanted a girlfriend/future wife and feel like I'd be a great husband and father too. But, I just feel like this part of me will overshadow it. I mean, I am definitely attracted to guys more so than girls, but in terms of a relationship and actual commitment I don't think i would be able to give that to a guy. I also wouldn't ever want to do anything with a guy other than probably kissing and laying together. I've never done anything with either sex, and I guess I would consider myself "sexually shy" at the very least! This probably has more to do with my confusion as anything, as sometimes I wonder if I would ever be able to be intimate with anyone. On an ending note, I would go ahead and guess that no one would ever think that I have these feelings, and I am not in a real good position where I could talk about this with anyone other than an internet forum like this. I'd just like some advice and what not, I just feel really confused and weird and just don't know what to do. Thanks

29th April 2012	#3
Bowyn Aerrow Cave canem Join Date: Oct 2010 Single Gay Man in Central CA (USA) Posts: 6,756 My Mood: View my Picture Album(s)	In my 20's I never saw myself out of a collar (clergy). Things changed. I meet the right man who nearly swept me off my feet. My world view changed at/around age 24 and things I never considered became acceptable in my mind. Eventually you will meet that person who you will want to spend the rest of your life with. These doubts and worries you have, these questions will be answered in their eyes. __________________ Goodnight, sweet prince: and flights of angels sing thee to thy rest.

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29th April 2012	#2
LateBloomer Changeable User Title Join Date: Sep 2011 Gay Man in a Monogamous Gay Relationship in Chicago (USA) Age: 45 (Starsign: Taurus) Posts: 1,162 View my Picture Album(s)	I've told my story many times now on this site. Basically I understand where you're coming from. I felt "ambiguous" for many years and ended up calling myself bi-sexual, although "ambi-sexual" might have been more accurate. ALL I CAN TELL YOU IS THIS: You're young, you lack experience but over the years you're going to meet people and be in situations that will be very "enlightening". (Sounds mysterious, doesn't it?) It IS mysterious, try to enjoy the "reveal", stop trying to fast forward to the chase scene to find out how it ends. Time will solve this. You may not feel purely gay or straight today, but later you might have some clarity.

2nd May 2012	#4
DoubleDiamond Veteran Join Date: May 2012 Single Gay Man in Asheville (USA) Age: 53 (Starsign: Aries) Posts: 45	Internalized homophobia can be a sly devil. It can influence your perceptions of yourself (and your perceptions of yourself in a gay relationship) without you even knowing that it's happening. Keep in mind that by the time we're 18 we've heard thousands of "gay is bad" messages and very few, if any, "gay is good" messages. Hard to not have that affect your perception of yourself as a gay/bi man.