"Mascing up"

[WheresTheLove]

It's obvious that there's a huge divide amongst masculine and feminine gay men. I'm not sure if it's the same for women as well, but a lot of the masculine guys find themselves superior to the feminine guys and won't touch them with a 10-foot pole. Hell, it's the same with straight guys too, in terms of hanging out/being friends with other guys.

Because of this, I've found myself wanting to masc up a bit for a while now. I know it seems like putting on an "act" or "mask" (more like "masc"), but I just really want to be liked and integrated into society. When I go out in public, I'll only wear clothes I deem masculine- plain jeans, a hoodie, sneakers, and maybe my hat. No bright colors or designs- only dull and plain, sometimes dirty or with holes. My hair is long but I usually leave it kinda messy or use gel. I can't grow good facial hair- which sucks because I really love it on other guys. =( So unless my body goes through a late pubery, I'm usually stuck at least shaving the part above my lip. But if I could grow a nice beard, I'd have one. I'll also deepen my voice a bit and try to avoid any eccentric mannerisms as much as possible.

There's a couple of obstacles I can't get past. I don't like sports. I never did. Being rough never interested me and I'm a delicate guy. This tends to set of a red flag (more like rainbow flag) for anyone who meets me. I can't let anyone look in my music folder- lest they see all the Britney songs I have. I try to avoid music discussions, but if it comes up I'll only mention any (masculine) rock bands or male singers I like. I need to be careful of the company I keep too.

Do you think what I'm doing is wrong? I mean when I go out in public, I hate being noticed and like to blend in, so I wouldn't really be wearing nice clothing to begin with. But sometimes I feel like I'm slightly repressing myself, but I know it's for the better. Whenever I did let any feminine side of me show, I kind of got insulted for it. And it's harder to make friends or find a boyfriend as a feminine guy.

Have you ever tried this? And if you're a girl, have you tried "femming up"?