Rage against bad individuals in the LBGT community

[ShinigamiLegend]

I am really in a seething rage at a specific individual who I would love to blast negative energy at on here in order to point out this bad apple in the bunch! Maybe someone out there can talk some sense in this person and his cohorts.Heres the story I called an escort one night for the first time and asked about hanging out and becoming friends as well as taking pictures and a video of his gorgeous body for some porn websites he said we can do all that he was down and it was cool because he didn't want to do escorting anymore! After that first meeting I didn't give it much thought until he kept calling me to pick him for beer and food and to hang out. One night I took him out to eat and we talked he told me a lot about himself and his past a lot of info I didn't need! One night he called me to hang out again and he took me to his friends apartment where I mingled with more of his friends. He then asked me to help him get job were I work he didn't have a resume then he told me to make it for him so I did then submitted for him he got the interview over two more qualified friends that I also submitted resumes for. I wanted to take those of him so the night before the interview he invited me over and had me buy him beer and cigarettes after I told him I could affrod it he said he would pay me back I bought the beer and cigs and went over there and took the sample pics of him for the websites.Early the next morning of the interview I picked him up and took him to the interview and after waiting to called he told me he didn't want this job! To me after all that effort I put in he could have at least did the interview even if he didn't get job or didn't want it which tells me he didn't appreciate the effort I put in I got mad and said a few words to him then he had me give him ten dollars for gas for his boyfreind and he said he would pay me back I trusted him and he screwed me because he never called me to give the money back or to follow up on the pics for websites which the webmasters wanted him for more pics he told me in exact words after he gave me my money back he wanted me to leave him alone. I told him to tell me the truth and stop leading me on he didn't pay me back the money! I found him another job more to his liking I apologized for any thing wrong I did and I said all I care about is the friendship if its real and he stops taking advantage of my kindness and using me! He then invited me over and asked me to buy him beer and cigs (sound familiar) I told him that I didn't want to cause I didn't trust him and all he wants is for me buy him stuffs he wants he got mad and tried to say that's how him and friends roll I invited my so-called friends to go with me and they all flaked out on me he then had one of friends tell me not call him again because I was obsessed with him and that because hes 20 and Iam 33 its weird for us to be friends and that he didn't owe me any money an argument broke out and things were said! I let things die down for a while then sent him a Christmas present of art work I did and a card an some liqueur to say happy holidays and show I cared and encouraged his relationship with his boyfreind he didn't say thank you or I appreciate it! How Ungrateful! I am so pissed to the point I don't care get all I want is my revenge a let the judge and lawyers sort it out from that point on. Maybe someone here can fix this before it gets to that point!

sorry... is it at all possible to break up this block of text into smaller segments?

It makes it really difficult to read without any paragraphs or breaks.

thanks

To be honest I think you would scare me half to death. Time to back off and put it down to experience, maybe?

No one here is going to be able to "fix" this for you. What exactly do you think a judge and lawyers are going to be able to do?

Better luck next time.

All due respect mate but you let him do all that to you. He cannot just take advantage of your kindness without you giving him the power to do so, by letting him. He can't "have you buy him stuff", unless you agree to go along with it. And so on. You barely knew this guy and out of no where you were letting him walk over you by doing everything he asked. People will ALWAYS treat you like crap whenever you give away all your power to them. You cannot go through life submitting to people like that and then get so angry that you want revenge when they don't show you respect.

Thing is people like you, and me because I used to do it, think that people will like us if we do things for them and try to please them. It doesn't work.

Only when you start to respect yourself with others start to respect you.

[ShinigamiLegend]

Originally Posted by rsconceptions

All due respect mate but you let him do all that to you. He cannot just take advantage of your kindness without you giving him the power to do so, by letting him. He can't "have you buy him stuff", unless you agree to go along with it. And so on. You barely knew this guy and out of no where you were letting him walk over you by doing everything he asked. People will ALWAYS treat you like crap whenever you give away all your power to them. You cannot go through life submitting to people like that and then get so angry that you want revenge when they don't show you respect.

Thing is people like you, and me because I used to do it, think that people will like us if we do things for them and try to please them. It doesn't work.

Only when you start to respect yourself with others start to respect you.

I see so this is a self confidence issue low self esteem which leads to idolizing someone that you don't know and that person doesn't know you. I have weakness for young very sexy charismatic guys this has happen to me three times already with attractive men and I still don't recognize the train is coming until after it hits me what is wrong with me i keep getting hypothesized by the same spell but this one hit me really hard because we were intimate! There is a pattern here that needs to be broken here with someone who I can devote myself to and be happy and not be totally D.T.A. (don't trust anybody) were I don't let anybody in at all!

Noooooooooooooooooo!! Devoting yourself to someone is DANGEROUS. The reason you are in this problem is BECAUSE you keep devoting yourself to people. Devote yourself to yourself. You can do that and still love others at the same time!

Originally Posted by ShinigamiLegend

I have weakness for young very sexy charismatic guys

Don't we all?? I'm pretty sure anyone would agree thery're nice to look at etc. but that doesn't mean that we devote ourselves to them and buy them stuff when they ask or offer them stuff. The whole situation sounds a bit odd to me.

You say he was an escort, no?? So you already know that the whole situation is based around monetary earnings, regardless of what is said to the contrary, surely??

Don't EVER for a second think that people accepting the stuff you give them or asking you for stuff means they like you (and i have to confess i'm very much guilty of both these things), it means 'Yay!! Free stuff!!' If someone offers me a drink i'll say yes irrespective of whether i like them, they didn't ask for anything other than to give me free stuff, from a legal point of view the contract is that they give me a drink and i get a drink and then i have a drink and naturally that makes me happy cos it's free stuff. If someone is being obvious about me (and usually i'll admit when i'm not that bothered cos they're like being pervy or whatever) i'll sometimes say 'You can start by buying me a drink.' Again the agreement is i get free stuff.

You can buy people's attention but never their affection. It's a lesson tough learned, but that, unfortunately, is life.

[ShinigamiLegend]

Originally Posted by sox-and-the-city

from a legal point of view the contract is that they give me a drink and i get a drink and then i have a drink and naturally that makes me happy cos it's free stuff. If someone is being obvious about me (and usually i'll admit when i'm not that bothered cos they're like being pervy or whatever) i'll sometimes say 'You can start by buying me a drink.

Woww you 19-20 year old boi's pretty much own that whole Escort/Model scene and can control the entire situation socially in the clubs while us 30-40 year old guys cruise you young boi's often and fall for the scam most of the time! He told me that every time he escorted it was always some guy over 40 and they didn't respect him at all because he was just a 19yr cute kid to be intimate with and talk to for a little while then throw away once they were done!
all his friends were under the age of 30 his boyfreind which is his very first real relationship is 23 and I was the only 33 old hanging around these kids he thought that was weird maybe even pervy he tired to end it once but my mature experience in socializing talked him back into conversing with me then when he found out he lost control of me for getting free stuff and I started defending myself then that's when he told me I was sick for wanted to be his friend he wanted to be left alone and never really could face me after that because of his guilt of using someone to get what he wanted which he could never really admit!
Age is just a number to me you should respect everyone no matter their age young or old! I hope this doesn't mean I cant make friends or start a relationship with a guy that is 19-20 and they start thinking that Iam a pervert for wanting to doing so!?

Originally Posted by ShinigamiLegend

Age is just a number to me you should respect everyone no matter their age young or old! I hope this doesn't mean I cant make friends or start a relationship with a guy that is 19-20 and they start thinking that Iam a pervert for wanting to doing so!?

I guess that what it really takes is that old phrase made real: It takes two to tango!

I have read about couples with great age differences... and am sure that it can happen but it is not as common as one would like - maturity level has a lot to do with it all... and maybe on both sides in some cases.

I dont know if it is all about past lives and retaining some of that but whatever it is I felt a bit closer to adults and teachers up to uni. I didnt have any issues with making friends my own age but always enjoyed learning/listening to a more mature human.

Now that I am (hopefully) that mature human I try to listen and keep it young or mature or in-between or whatever it takes to communicate with another. Sure, there are always games and "tricks" but that is what makes life the puzzle it is.

As for your question above ... it really doesnt matter what you hope or want if the other thinks the opposite. Good luck in trying to figure out the puzzle as early as possible as it really can be awful to have so much rage over it all.

the first two guys i dated were more than twice my age. i don't usually tell anyone because most people i know think that's sick.

the first guy was the nicest guy i've ever met, but the second just wanted sex.

i also think that age is just a number, but having a relationship with a much older person is difficult, one reason is it's socially awkward when you go out on a date, and someone asks if you're father and son...

dating a younger guy does bring up a small problem for me though. i can't take him with me on my first night out drinking when i turn 21, because he's a year younger than me...

Originally Posted by ShinigamiLegend

... There is a pattern here that needs to be broken here with someone who I can devote myself to and be happy and not be totally D.T.A. (don't trust anybody) were I don't let anybody in at all!

Originally Posted by rsconceptions

Noooooooooooooooooo!! Devoting yourself to someone is DANGEROUS. The reason you are in this problem is BECAUSE you keep devoting yourself to people. Devote yourself to yourself. You can do that and still love others at the same time!

Devotion can bring out the worst in all parties. By all means be loving, kind, generous even, but devoted ...? Be the best person you can be. I love my man because he is independent, clever, funny, loving, supportive, loyal, and many more things besides, but more than anything because he loves me without conditions and lets me be who I am. We are two different people with different lives, experiences, ideas and upbringings and the differences make life interesting for both of us. We always have so much to talk about.

Be an interesting person that others would be proud to know.

Originally Posted by ShinigamiLegend

Woww you 19-20 year old boi's pretty much own that whole Escort/Model scene and can control the entire situation socially in the clubs while us 30-40 year old guys cruise you young boi's often and fall for the scam most of the time! He told me that every time he escorted it was always some guy over 40 and they didn't respect him at all because he was just a 19yr cute kid to be intimate with and talk to for a little while then throw away once they were done!
all his friends were under the age of 30 his boyfreind which is his very first real relationship is 23 and I was the only 33 old hanging around these kids he thought that was weird maybe even pervy he tired to end it once but my mature experience in socializing talked him back into conversing with me then when he found out he lost control of me for getting free stuff and I started defending myself then that's when he told me I was sick for wanted to be his friend he wanted to be left alone and never really could face me after that because of his guilt of using someone to get what he wanted which he could never really admit!
Age is just a number to me you should respect everyone no matter their age young or old! I hope this doesn't mean I cant make friends or start a relationship with a guy that is 19-20 and they start thinking that Iam a pervert for wanting to doing so!?

Love you need to get the FUCK over yourself right now. Escort scene?? Just WHAT are you likening me to?? How fucking DARE you presume to comment on what boys note the lack of an apostrophe 'like me' do.

Furthermore, you presume that your 'cruising' young men is based on any of them being interested in you rather than your effectively HUNTING people WAY out of your age-range. Why not try getting to know people instead of preying on those who don't have the self-respect to know better than to effectively sell themselves??

You didn't have any respect for him or yourself. I wasn't calling you pervert but was pointing out something for you to consider. Given your remarks now i will however inform you that presumptuous and rude men like you disgust me and i wash my hands of this matter.

shinigami - do you think that buying people stuff and doing loads of stuff for them to get them to like you could be classed as "mature experience in socialising". To be honest, the fact you are looking for close friendships in the cruise/escort scene is like... completely backwards. The escort scene is sex, and nothing else.

The fact is, whether you are in the escort scene or just your typical club... buying people drinks does not get them to like you. It gets them free drinks... which is what they want. It is sad but true. Not all people are like that obviously, but many are.

Especially in a place like the escort scene.... do you really think you are going to develop a deep and meaningful friendship with someone who is part of a scene that is about nothing other than sex? It would be like going to an art gallery and moaning because you wanted to meet people to play football with...

Plus I do not think it is fair to paint all the young guys as the bad guys and the older guys as the innocent victims. Everyone is equally responsible for their own actions.

And Sox was actually just pointing out a fact to you. You suck up to people, they will abuse you. This is what happens with many people in many walks of life. Not just the escort scene. I think you might need to take some more responsibility Shinigami - playing the victim wont help you.

Anyone who chooses to enter the escort scene is immediately placing themselves in a very fragile, vulnerable, unstable and unhealthy environment. And someone who has no respect for themselves cannot respect another person, especially if that other person has no respect for themselves either.

I am sorry you have had such a bad experience, but I don't know what else you expect? You go cruising young guys... presumably meaning you just want them for sex and nothing else which instantly means you have no respect for them... they can't have much respect for themselves if they are in such a place in the first place... then you get upset when you do everything for them and they piss you around.

If you want to meet people for genuine friendships and relationships, go elsewhere. There are plenty of ways to meet people. You will find many young guys who are intellectual, mature, fun loving, good to talk to, respectful, decent and honest. I hope you do! The LGBT community is much wider than just the escort scene.

[Kiid]

Hey dude it sounds pretty bad I think you should just leave that guy away and not talk to him. He will just try to use you again if you stay friends with him. You don't need friends like that. I use to have a friend that I just did what he said. But now that I'm not friends with him anymore I'm happy and free and am never going to let my self get used again.

Boys who make themselves available as escorts are in it for the money, the gifts, food and drink, maybe going out somewhere, but almost exclusively for the MONEY.
Now, I respect this. A fair and equal exchange is something to be prized, not criticized.
With this said, you admit you called an Escort, then really wanted to change the deal and make it a friendship. Yep, you gave gifts, and tried to give him opportunities.
But the only opportunity he wanted was what more he could get from you. Any sex you received from him was an investment on his part.
My best friend in high school became a rent boy in Hollywood, California. I never lost respect for him for it, and when I got older, I have used the services of Escorts myself. I offered a fair exchange, and took what was my share of the arrangement. Some were really special guys. I was amused and amazed by several, and they became very close, but not friends. You cannot buy friends, and I never tried to change the terms of the deal.
If you are looking for intimacy, it is not a wrong way to find it. Just don't be stupid and make it out to be more than it ever can be.