very confused :( - GaySpeak Gay Forums | Online Friends Community

18th July 2010

hey im 21 and came out as gay the beginning of this year, i knew no gay people, but met this one guy who i have to say i developed a massively strong feeling for, i was a virgin and had never had a realtionship until i met him, he has taken me out to gay places, and introduced me to some nice people, he stated he wasnt ready for a relationship, but strong friendship, however we were like mad struck teenage lovers for ages, we'd text and see each other for days.
Ive never felt so strong about one person before, and he's the only person ive shared physical and emotional ties with. however about a month ago he just stopped talking to me, eventaully after a few weeks he did speak again, and when i asked why he had stopped, he had said he was worried people would be talking about us as a pair, but that we could still be good friends.
now im confused as he asked me the other day if i wanted for me and him to be involved with another guy, i wasnt sure but thought id see what it was like, it was a odd experience i couldnt get excited about being with another guy, and i still only had physical feelings for the guy id been good freinds with for a while.
I am now very confused and dont wheter im actually gay, because i cant asbosrb any other physical feelings for men apart from the guy who ive been good friends with for a while.
I seem to like the companionship and friendhsip with guys, but with regards to physical attarction im lost and dont whether ive jumped to conclusions of the fact im gay or not.
advice be good people thanks
x

18th July 2010

Hi Anon,

Congratulations on coming out; what a ride, eh?!

I don't think you have proven at all that you may not be gay. Coming out is often accompanied by a huge rush of emotions. Sometimes they ALL appear at once - that is very confusing and causes massive disruption to everyday life.

You feel very close to your new friend. Why should you want someone else? This exclusivity happens in most relationships at some stage. Remember how your mates gradually withdraw from normal social groups as they partner up? I think it's just part of the same thing.

Only you know if you are gay. I don't think this experience of not wanting other men proves you are not - sorry for all the negatives in that sentence!

You'll be okay.

SlipknotRlZZ · 18th July 2010

I think that if your friend wants you two to have a special friendship [which is not like a relationship the way I'm saying it], he should stick only to you.
Then, you shouldn't draw conclusions on whether you are gay or not only from having physical attraction to a guy or not.

Quote:

You feel very close to your new friend. Why should you want someone else? This exclusivity happens in most relationships at some stage. Remember how your mates gradually withdraw from normal social groups as they partner up? I think it's just part of the same thing.

Totally.
Good luck! :]

18th July 2010

It's a pity that you got so attached to this guy because he does not seem the right person for you. I don't blame you. When you have feelings for someone, you don't want to share them. To be frank he seems a bit of an arsehole. Have you made other friends on the scene? Why don't you just go out with them - as friends.
As Marsh says, only you know if you're gay. But straight men don't normally do all the stuff you've been doing of late. It sounds like you need a monogamous relationship however. I think you need to go out and enjoy yourself and learn from your experience. Don't commit to someone until you are fairly sure that they are right for you.
Good luck.

codis · 20th July 2010

When you first realize your gay it is a huge and confuzing mixture of feelings that can overwhelm you. This guy is obviously not prepared for a relationship if he wants to still be fooling around with 2nd parties. I dont think your not gay however. You are confused and in my opinion in lust. you had a romantic image (which i share) of men and dating and this guy was the right guy in the right place at the right time. i also believe you cant develop feelings for other men because you still have these feelings for this guy. I think you should explain how you feel to the guy and tell him you like him, and that mayb you want more than just a physical relationship. if he cant at least hear you out i think you'll relize that its not true love and that there are other fish in the sea. who knows, maybe he really is the one for you and when you tell him he'll be ready. anyways hope ive helped in some way, and remeber, if you never say anything to him nothing will come of it.

18th July 2010	#1
Anonymous Self-deleted account... Posts: n/a	very confused :( hey im 21 and came out as gay the beginning of this year, i knew no gay people, but met this one guy who i have to say i developed a massively strong feeling for, i was a virgin and had never had a realtionship until i met him, he has taken me out to gay places, and introduced me to some nice people, he stated he wasnt ready for a relationship, but strong friendship, however we were like mad struck teenage lovers for ages, we'd text and see each other for days. Ive never felt so strong about one person before, and he's the only person ive shared physical and emotional ties with. however about a month ago he just stopped talking to me, eventaully after a few weeks he did speak again, and when i asked why he had stopped, he had said he was worried people would be talking about us as a pair, but that we could still be good friends. now im confused as he asked me the other day if i wanted for me and him to be involved with another guy, i wasnt sure but thought id see what it was like, it was a odd experience i couldnt get excited about being with another guy, and i still only had physical feelings for the guy id been good freinds with for a while. I am now very confused and dont wheter im actually gay, because i cant asbosrb any other physical feelings for men apart from the guy who ive been good friends with for a while. I seem to like the companionship and friendhsip with guys, but with regards to physical attarction im lost and dont whether ive jumped to conclusions of the fact im gay or not. advice be good people thanks x

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18th July 2010	#2
marshlander Self-deleted account... Posts: n/a	Hi Anon, Congratulations on coming out; what a ride, eh?! I don't think you have proven at all that you may not be gay. Coming out is often accompanied by a huge rush of emotions. Sometimes they ALL appear at once - that is very confusing and causes massive disruption to everyday life. You feel very close to your new friend. Why should you want someone else? This exclusivity happens in most relationships at some stage. Remember how your mates gradually withdraw from normal social groups as they partner up? I think it's just part of the same thing. Only you know if you are gay. I don't think this experience of not wanting other men proves you are not - sorry for all the negatives in that sentence! You'll be okay.

18th July 2010	#4
peterinmalaga Self-deleted account... Posts: n/a	It's a pity that you got so attached to this guy because he does not seem the right person for you. I don't blame you. When you have feelings for someone, you don't want to share them. To be frank he seems a bit of an arsehole. Have you made other friends on the scene? Why don't you just go out with them - as friends. As Marsh says, only you know if you're gay. But straight men don't normally do all the stuff you've been doing of late. It sounds like you need a monogamous relationship however. I think you need to go out and enjoy yourself and learn from your experience. Don't commit to someone until you are fairly sure that they are right for you. Good luck.

20th July 2010	#5
codis Veteran Join Date: Jul 2010 Gay Man in a Monogamous Gay Relationship in Coos Bay (USA) Age: 20 (Starsign: Virgo) Posts: 46 My Mood:	When you first realize your gay it is a huge and confuzing mixture of feelings that can overwhelm you. This guy is obviously not prepared for a relationship if he wants to still be fooling around with 2nd parties. I dont think your not gay however. You are confused and in my opinion in lust. you had a romantic image (which i share) of men and dating and this guy was the right guy in the right place at the right time. i also believe you cant develop feelings for other men because you still have these feelings for this guy. I think you should explain how you feel to the guy and tell him you like him, and that mayb you want more than just a physical relationship. if he cant at least hear you out i think you'll relize that its not true love and that there are other fish in the sea. who knows, maybe he really is the one for you and when you tell him he'll be ready. anyways hope ive helped in some way, and remeber, if you never say anything to him nothing will come of it.