Off For Second Surgery

[Nick9]

wow, Jay. Congratulation... Your story is very touching and inspirational and I can hardly imagine how hard your journey was.
My great respect...

Bump

How are you feeling today Jay?

[QueenOdi]

I don't know how I've been missing this thread all this time .

But Jay-Jay, what you have done is so much more than what most people achieve in a lifetime.

I can't even imagine what it must have been like, but my youngest sister is having her own little weight issues, even though she's now riding her bike and going for walks and doing jump rope and it makes me wonder what it's like...

I've barely gone over 180lbs, for my whole life, so I couldn't put myself in your shoes, though I've never judged anyone overweight and only really started to see when my sister started to put on weight.

It's so amazing that you did what you did and the way that you did it, because I'm not sure if I could. And for you to even share it publically, that's just so awesome.



You're an inspiration, even to me a person who has not gone/ is not going what your going through.

I wish you the best Jay , whoever the guy is that snags you, is got to be really lucky

[Jay]

Originally Posted by East

Bump

How are you feeling today Jay?

I'm doing well.

The first few days after I was discharged was difficult. Not physically. But mentally.

To accept the fact that I had to lose something big for something greater was heartbreaking. It also didn't help that I was annoyed by people's assumptions that I had a rapid loss. I wasn't comfortable to talk about excess skin too. It was embarrassing.

All these formed a conflict inside. Whilst I am a mentally strong person, I still can break apart. I am a human after all. I have to go through this journey and battle alone by myself. Seven years and ongoing. I went through a lot. I am slightly tired now. I am able to replenish and rejuvenate myself but sometimes I just wish someone can give me a hug and tell me that everything's will be okay.

Due to the conflict that I had, I decided to stay away from Gayspeak for a while. It was a good step as I almost deleted my account. I don't want to talk about this. I also kept myself low profile in real life. By all means, I kept my distant from guys.

First Week

My parents and I didn't go home after I was discharged from the hospital. I told them that I needed to go to a pharmacy to buy scar creams, vitamins and cocoa butter. So my father drove my mom and I to a nearby shopping mall that is located close to my parents' house. After I bought my stuff, I stormed to the shopping mall's food court to buy Sweet Potato. I burnt my tongue as I gobbled it up whilst it was still hot. But it was worth it.

My surgeons asked me not to do any cardio and weight lifting for 3 weeks. But I did 1 hour brisk walk - one day after I was discharged. I returned to stairs climbing on last Thursday - five days after I was discharged. The same thing happened after I had my first surgery. Yes, I can be stubborn when it comes to exercise. I don't like skipping exercise for a long time. Exercise is part of who I am now. Nonetheless I will not start running until my body is completely ready for it.

I returned to work on last Tuesday. Even though my boss asked me to take another week off to rest. Obviously my colleagues were surprised to see me. "You better go home or your boss will kick you out."

When my boss saw me, she gave me a hug. I assured her that I was ready to work again.

My colleagues know why I went for surgeries. But they didn't know about the nipples part. I told them about it few days ago. They were upset. I explained to them that I can accept it now.

I was informed by my colleagues that a lot of my friends from other companies (work in the same office building) been asking for me. They noticed my 2 week absent from work. I received a lot of Welcome Back last week. I didn't tell them why I was away from work.

A female friend asked me, "Jay, you've changed a lot. You are good looking now with wonderful traits. Don't you want to be straight? Give girls a chance for a change."

I answered no. I explained to her that I don't have sexual feeling toward girls.

"How do you know? Have you ever tried?" She went on.

"Yes."

"Okay, okay. Fine." She noticed that I wasn't keen with the topic.

Upcoming Surgeries

I plan to have my third surgery at the end of this year and the final surgery at the end of next year. But I still need to discuss further with my surgeons and also my boss.

My boss asked me why I want to complete my last two surgeries so soon.

"So I can enter a relationship."

"Can't you have a relationship now?" She asked.

"I'm not comfortable to have one until I have completed all surgeries." I answered.

"You are lacking with confidence."

And she's right. Whilst I am known as a very confident man, I am still vulnerable. With tiny holes here and there .It's hard to explain and to make people understand my view and fear.

Another thing that I would like to point is that I don't think I will update everyone with my third and fourth surgery. Whilst I appreciate everyone's support, I don't want people to think that I am baiting for attention and seeking sympathy whatsoever.

Thank You

I would like to say thank you for the supports. You are all wonderful people. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

[Jay]

I have been thinking hard the whole day.

Yes, the first few days was hard but I shouldn't have pushed myself deeper into gloom. It creates self pity. I didn't realize that I was feeling sorry for myself until I reread my previous post. Deleting my Gayspeak account? Kept myself away from guys? I could have slapped my own self. I hate self pity. I wasn't born to be that.

Indeed I had to sacrifice a lot but if I give up and quit now, all my hard work will go down the drain.

So I would like to clarify.

Nipples

It did bother me but I am fine now. It's a small matter.

Surgery Scars

I am fine to have those surgery scars. I can live with the scars. Nonetheless I'll do my best to fade them with cream scars.

Stretch Marks

Yes, I developed stretch marks when I was fat. I was ashamed to admit that I have stretch marks but not anymore. I have stretch marks and so be it.

Excess Skin

I was embarrassed to talk about my past - excess skin as it sounds disgusting. But my excess skin was my past. The worst has reached its end. Whilst I still do have another two surgeries to go, these surgeries are more of restructuring. I'm sure my surgeons will remove a bit of skin but nothing major as the previous two. I am fine to talk about excess skin now.

People's Mouths

I can't control with what people want to say about me. If one wants to assume that I had a rapid loss. Be my guest. If another wants to say something about my scars. Go ahead. All I have to say to these folks is I don't give a fuc*k with what you think. You are not important to me. Thank you.

I Can Accept Myself

Losing function of my nipples. Surgery scars. Stretch marks. These make me less than perfect but then again I was nowhere perfect to begin with. Being perfect has never been my goal. My ultimate goal is to give my best. I gave my best in the past and I will continue to give my best now and in the future.

My surgery scars and stretch marks are my tattoos. My victory tattoos. Each scar on my body tells a story about how badass I am.

I no longer have regrets. Yes, my life would be much easier if I didn't become morbid obese but what has happened has happened. There is no point to look back and have regrets.

Whilst I am nowhere perfect additionally due to the new package that I'm carrying (Functionless nipples and scars), I know that I am still hot and sexy. I don't need to elaborate. What matters is the fact that I can still appreciate myself after what I have went through.

My name is Jay and I was born to be a fighter.

[mrk2010]

Right this is going to be a somewhat controversial thing to say but being an ex fatty and honorary lard arse I'm allowed to say it. Firstly I don't think anyone assumed you had a "rapid weightloss", and that it was easy it is the fact it is a lot of weight to lose and I'm sorry in the grand scale of things 5 years is a relatively short period of time out of your life, Christ I've completed my degree in that time. Secondly I think you are still in a mindset of what I call "the fatty mindset", although you are writing I'm not a victim and I am stronger you don't need to keep clarifying this, you don't need to explain your self to anyone I just think its a bit much. I'm sorry but when I lost about 5 stone I didn't run around thinking "oh I'm gonna have stretch marks". I thought of all the positive aspects, like being able to go out and buy shit expensive clothes. Just enjoy yourself man! :-) there might be times where I do doubt myself like wearing some shorts at the swimming pool, but then my friends remind me that I look shit hot. I just find it quite curious that you have the same mentality I did all those years ago, although I got out of it relatively quick as I was more concerned with which ted baker or Armani t shirt I was going to buy next. Also mate there is nothing from stopping you from dating, just do it and don't isolate yourself, I never thought aid meet guys for a quick shag online but I did, there just comes a time where you think fuck it. Hope this helps.

[Jay]

Firstly I don't think anyone assumed you had a "rapid weightloss"

I was referring to people in the real world. People that you do not know.

I'm sorry in the grand scale of things 5 years is a relatively short period of time out of your life, Christ I've completed my degree in that time.

How can you compare your life completing a degree to my 5 year of life? You had no idea what I had to go through every day within 5 years. Just because we come from the same obese background, it doesn't mean you know how another former obese lad feels.

Secondly I think you are still in a mindset of what I call "the fatty mindset", although you are writing I'm not a victim and I am stronger you don't need to keep clarifying this, you don't need to explain your self to anyone I just think its a bit much.

Did you have you to go through multiple surgeries and had to remove your nipples? I had to go back and forth for years to a hospital with tubes all over my body again and again. Every admittance to a hospital reset my strength and confidence.

If your surgeon tells you that you have to remove your nipples, how would you react?

It's easy to say and to simplify things through words because you are not in my position.

C'mon mate, do you remember your own thread about wanting to be perfect? That was a fatty mindset too. I thought yours was a bit much but I didn't dare to step into it much because I don't know how you felt as we are two different people.

I'm sorry but when I lost about 5 stone I didn't run around thinking "oh I'm gonna have stretch marks". I thought of all the positive aspects, like being able to go out and buy shit expensive clothes. Just enjoy yourself man! :-) There might be times where I do doubt myself like wearing some shorts at the swimming pool, but then my friends remind me that I look shit hot. I just find it quite curious that you have the same mentality I did all those years ago, although I got out of it relatively quick as I was more concerned with which ted baker or Armani t shirt I was going to buy next.

I find the bold part to be quite insulting. I'm glad that you managed to see the light relatively quick but please remember that we are two different individuals.

Anyway of course I think of the positive aspects. I wasn't thinking of stretch marks until I have completed my weight loss. Whilst I am not striving to be perfect, I would like to give my best in appearance. Hence why I was bothered by my stretch marks. But as I've said in my previous post, I no longer worry about my stretch marks.

Also mate there is nothing from stopping you from dating, just do it and don't isolate yourself, I never thought aid meet guys for a quick shag online but I did, there just comes a time where you think fuck it. Hope this helps.

I plan too. Hence why I'm in the process of getting to know few guys right now. But I'm not planning to rush into a relationship. I have to build my confidence in dating slowly as I have zero experience in relationship. Another thing is I got screwed by few guys last year, so go figure why I decided to be extra cautious this time around.

[mrk2010]

Firstly Jay, I did not claim to know how you feel nor did I claim to, all I had to go off was what you originally posted and it was the way it came across and secondly there is no need to have an attitude. And secondly if I was being insulting you would certainly know about it. As for me having a "fatty mindset", my previous thread entitled "life make over" was to do with changing my hair, having my teeth fixed and removing the negative people from my life, not once did I say I'm going to lose weight, and if you had read my post above correctly I said there may be times when I doubt myself And as for comparing 5 years of a degree, it was the time span I was talking about. To be quite honest you di t know what I've been through the past 5 years, but you know what shit happens, shit happens to everyone and its how you get over it which defines who you are. As for the surgery thing don't even go there and give me all the bollocks, because I had to have extensive dental surgery to correct my teeth and that is something which took years to correct. Atleast with your "condition" you could atleast cover it up, but your mouth and your teeth is something you can't hide from anyone. I'm not going into comparing and saying which is worse because I'm not like that. Most of the hardships I have endured during my life have not been self inflicted and I have destroyed each and every one of them, so maybe I am not as sympathetic because I have seen it, done it and bought the t shirt and not simplifying things through words.

From my experiences I have grown and I dint really give a shit because I've seen it all and I can afford to be a bit shallow and actually enjoy myself.

I too have been missing these posts. Jay, you are an inspiration. I'm facing another spine surgery and it pales in comparison to what you have achieved and been through. Thanks for the perspective and stay strong.

[dfiant]

Jay, everyone has their good days, and everyone has their bad days, it's normal and a basic human right. People often make the mistake of striving for 'perfect' and get down when they realise that perfect is unacheivable, but you can acheive what is 'perfect' for you.

Jay, you have been remarkably positive through out this whole process. You had some terrible news as part of your last round of surgery about your nipples, you can't bounce back from that in a day or 2, there is a grieing process and you are going through that right now. You are allowed to feel sorry for yourself mate, you have endured 2 surgeries that I would imagine are incredibly uncomfortable (Even though you bravely declare no morphine), and the thought of 2 more rounds of similar surgery over the next year would leave superman feeling sorry for himself.

Allow yourself to go through the process.

At the moment you don't seem to be the calm Jay we have come to know, and that's ok, you have a lot of pressure on you right now and you are dealing with it really well.

I'm not saying this to be mean, I am saying this because I think you have more questions than answers and you need answers, so perhaps you could organise a counselling session or 2 with a professional and try to get those answers for yourself

Love ya and proud of ya