Really need help with coming out - Page 2 - GaySpeak Gay Forums | Online Friends Community

princealbertofb · 7th August 2012

Behrens, I would tackle the gay affirming bros first, maybe one by one, or in pairs. Start with the ones most likely to accept you as you are, and tell them it's something that you are ready to discuss with them if they are comfortable with it, and that you'll keep it quiet if it actually bothers them. I mean, you haven't been ''in their faces'' until now, why would that have to change?

The only thing is, now when they speak about their girlfriends and future wives, you'll get an equal opportunity to talk about who you are thinking of partnering... Deal?
Deal!!
Fair is fair.

princealbertofb · 7th August 2012

Quote:

Originally Posted by behrens2001

Buring, i feel really happy for you..and honestly a little bit jealous too...so many people are jealous of me because i have best grades at school, very good career future, lots of friends, good looking, good body, seems to have a perfect family, but nobody knows my pain, nobody knows how jealous im of all the other people, nobody knows that i will sacrifice all my other “halo" if i can make the whole world accept us gay people..i love my parents, i dont wanna hurt their hearts; i love my friends, i dont want them to ditch me; there are too many things that I cannot give up..i know it sounds contradictory to my past point, but im a contradictory person anyway..

This post shows that you are a very sensitive (and intelligent) person, and I wouldn't be surprised that those are the qualities people like about you, your family and friends and connections.

So, Chin Up!! You are worth anyone else on this earth. You have your own stone to bring to the edifice of society... where is it? Maybe it's a gay stone, but it'll build the fabric of tomorrow. Times are changing.

pellaz · 7th August 2012

Quote:

Originally Posted by pellaz

you need to accumulate some gay affirming friends. Make the bar experience work this way but also you might volunteer, join gay clubs etc. A girl friend hag works well for a gay man. ...

to quote myself
what i meant is create new friends and be out to them. provides a cushion to fall back on if things dont turn out as expected if when you come out.

princealbertofb · 7th August 2012

I agree with Pellaz, I think it has been easier to tell new friends that I was gay right from the start, and not have to dispell misconceptions about me. New friends are a good way to do it. They can bring you immediate support, or just not be your friends at all, if they disapprove.

17th August 2012

I know it is hard to come out, especially when you know your family and most of your friends will not be accepting of you being gay but, there comes a time for everyone when we simply have to do what is best for ourselves and let the chips fall where they may.

For some it's pre teen, some teens, some young adult, some senior citizen but it happens to all of us. No it isn't easy and yes rejection, loss and even being disowned hurts like hell, but as humans we can and do survive it, rebuild our lives and end up happier, more at peace with who and what we are and, stronger for it.

I understand that you are still dependent on your family for financial reasons. Unless you have friends you can stay with until you get on you feet, you need to get that sorted out first, don't want to end up homeless in a worst reaction possible scenario.

You know you have some supportive friends. Have you actually asked them what they would do if they found out a friend they thought was straight turned out to be gay? Maybe that would help you if you had some idea of how they would react.

From the sounds of it, you are making yourself miserable and, at or near your breaking point. Being gay is not a choice, it's simply how we are and, how we will be for our entire lives. As hard as it is to come out, the short term negativity it will bring is better than a lifetime hating yourself and hiding who you really are form the world.

Teox · 17th August 2012

You are not a coward, I can't give you advice cause I'm going through nearly the same experience as you. sometimes I think I should tell, but I've made my mind up, I'm not telling my family. I did tell my employers, now I've been promoted.

(weird)

It's harder for ethnic minorities (I hate those words) to come out to families.

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7th August 2012	#16
princealbertofb King of the Word??? Join Date: Jan 2008 Gay Man in a Monogamous Gay Relationship in Near Geneva (Switzerland) (France) Age: 53 (Starsign: Cancer) Posts: 11,859	Behrens, I would tackle the gay affirming bros first, maybe one by one, or in pairs. Start with the ones most likely to accept you as you are, and tell them it's something that you are ready to discuss with them if they are comfortable with it, and that you'll keep it quiet if it actually bothers them. I mean, you haven't been ''in their faces'' until now, why would that have to change? The only thing is, now when they speak about their girlfriends and future wives, you'll get an equal opportunity to talk about who you are thinking of partnering... Deal? Deal!! Fair is fair.

17th August 2012	#20
Blue Self-deleted account... Posts: n/a	I know it is hard to come out, especially when you know your family and most of your friends will not be accepting of you being gay but, there comes a time for everyone when we simply have to do what is best for ourselves and let the chips fall where they may. For some it's pre teen, some teens, some young adult, some senior citizen but it happens to all of us. No it isn't easy and yes rejection, loss and even being disowned hurts like hell, but as humans we can and do survive it, rebuild our lives and end up happier, more at peace with who and what we are and, stronger for it. I understand that you are still dependent on your family for financial reasons. Unless you have friends you can stay with until you get on you feet, you need to get that sorted out first, don't want to end up homeless in a worst reaction possible scenario. You know you have some supportive friends. Have you actually asked them what they would do if they found out a friend they thought was straight turned out to be gay? Maybe that would help you if you had some idea of how they would react. From the sounds of it, you are making yourself miserable and, at or near your breaking point. Being gay is not a choice, it's simply how we are and, how we will be for our entire lives. As hard as it is to come out, the short term negativity it will bring is better than a lifetime hating yourself and hiding who you really are form the world.

17th August 2012	#21
Teox Crazy Poster Join Date: Aug 2012 Single Gay Man in London (UK - England) Age: 20 (Starsign: Cancer) Posts: 78	You are not a coward, I can't give you advice cause I'm going through nearly the same experience as you. sometimes I think I should tell, but I've made my mind up, I'm not telling my family. I did tell my employers, now I've been promoted. (weird) It's harder for ethnic minorities (I hate those words) to come out to families.