Adoption or the Whole Shebang ?

[Shadow]

Hokay so ... OF those of you that would ultimately like to have children, how would you be thinking of going about doing it ?

Adoption ?

(I forget the proper name for it but) donation of your sperm for fertilisation of a woman's eggs ? Surrogacy ? Is that it ?? - it's late and I can't think .

xx

!?!?! Shadow !?!?!

[princealbertofb]

Surrogacy is the correct word... also surrogateship...
[17c: from Latin subrogare, subrogatum, to substitute.]

[Shadow]

Thanks babe x

!?!?! Shadow !?!?!

[wouldlikemuscle]

IF I was to completely go mental and decide I actually wanted kids... it would have to be surrogacy coz I would have to bring up my own kid. I could not deal with anyone else's even if it was adopted so technically my own.
This would then bring about the problem of what if my partner wanted to the same thing... I guess then I would consider having 2 kids (I would really have to have flipped a lid to decide that!), one his, one mine.

[Shadow]

Bless you ...

As you know I'd looooove children - two boys - at some point ... but I totally respect your views my love .

It's an interesting concept having two boys that are unrelated but both through surrogacy - that's not something I'd ever contemplated to be honest ...

Hmmmmmmmm ... *scratches his long scratchy beard* ...

.

.

xx

!?!?! Shadow !?!?!

One of my life's goals if to have a someone call me "Dad".Until very recently I thought I had my heart set on marrying someone and then have little Dans and Danielles with my DNA.But I guess my priorities have changed.There are so many children and babies in South Africa tgbt are in need of homes and it would be extremely selfish of me to just want my own kids.And again,the world is such is such a fucked up place so I don't want to bring an innocent soul here.

[Shadow]

See that's actually another question in and of itself ...

The world DOES have its ups and downs, granted ... but ... is it better to give the gift of life (or an improved life if we're talking about adoption) to a child, or to deny them that in the belief that it's better they don't have to experience it ?

I think that even though life can deal you some SHITTY hands sometimes, it's better to have the opportunity to experience it ??

But perhaps that's just me ...

I'm grateful for even the sad and bad times (deep, DEEP down), because they have taught me some of the most important lessons in my life thusfar ...

.

xx

!?!?! Shadow !?!?!

Totally different contexts here Shadow.You live in a first world country and have literally nothing to worry about (as so do your future children).I live in a developing country and there are various negative socio-economic factors at play here.I'm sorry to say this but orphans there don't have it hard as orphans here.Extreme poverty,HIV/AIDS,dire living conditions,crime,no access to basic facilities etc.

[Shadow]

You are, of course, quite right, and I had not meant to appear indifferent towards, nor unaware of, the plight of people in the third world, or developing countries such as South Africa ...

... my office works in over 160 countries around the world, so I do know (again, albeit only from a first-world perspective) what it's like for people in many third world countries - there was one time our agent in one of the former USSR countries (I *think* it was the Ukraine but I'm not 100% on that) had to take the battery out of his car and use it to power his fax machine to confirm he'd met a deadline for a pushy American client), but I'll take it on the chin and admit that perhaps I did sound quite insensitive AND ill-advised with my last comment ...

Having said that, living conditions are one part of the greater whole that is life, obviously ... there are many people that live in shitball situations and are still happy, just knowing the love of their mother and father ...

My apologies if I upset you though x

!?!?! Shadow !?!?!

I think we got our wires crossed somewhere,somehow!You didn't offend/anger me Shads but if you want me to accept your apology,you're going to have to flex your muscles for me!I was just trying to highlight how selfish of me it would be if I wanted my very own kid when literally millions of children in South Africa need a home and love.Intrigued by adopting outside the racial border though.

[Shadow]

.

I've been working on those actually .

But yeah - you're absolutely right ... it does conjure up all sorts of questions actually ... like whether it's selfish to want a child of your own rather than to adopt another I guess ...

... but then again I view the desire to prolong your own bloodline to be a VERY, very longstanding one among our kind - probably almost as old as we are as a species I guess ...

!?!?! Shadow !?!?!

[princealbertofb]

Originally Posted by Dan1089

One of my life's goals if to have a someone call me "Dad".Until very recently I thought I had my heart set on marrying someone and then have little Dans and Danielles with my DNA.But I guess my priorities have changed.There are so many children and babies in South Africa tgbt are in need of homes and it would be extremely selfish of me to just want my own kids.And again,the world is such is such a fucked up place so I don't want to bring an innocent soul here.

I don't really see what's selfish about wanting your own children. That's just a human (animal?) feeling, and it's perfectly natural. Why should YOU, Dan, adopt, while plenty of others just go ahead and produce babies, whether they want them or not?

Originally Posted by Dan1089

One of my life's goals if to have a someone call me "Dad".Until very recently I thought I had my heart set on marrying someone and then have little Dans and Danielles with my DNA.But I guess my priorities have changed.There are so many children and babies in South Africa tgbt are in need of homes and it would be extremely selfish of me to just want my own kids.And again,the world is such is such a fucked up place so I don't want to bring an innocent soul here.

Wow, what an amazing conversion, my mate. I totally agree.

I doubt that I would ever go so mental as to want children but I might be persuaded. The little ones really love me which is cool and all but ONE HOUR and I just wanna get out the large pot for some children stew, lol...

My sister & her hubby had the most difficult time getting preggies. He did all these tests, she took all these chemicals and still coundnt get knocked up. I kept telling them, why are you putting yourself thru hell when there are millions of children needing a good home. Sis finally saw the light. Going after a baby was very expensive and full of possible cheats. They did foster care for a couple years and finally found three children. Drugged out mother and two different fathers. Now my sis & hubby are the proud parents of one boy = 9, one girl = 7 and another girl = 11. Amazing how quickly they all became a family.

one other thing I always thought about was what if your child grew up to be an ax murderer. If it was your DNA then youre responsible but what a great excuse - He/She aint mine just adopted

[Shadow]

Originally Posted by princealbertofb

I don't really see what's selfish about wanting your own children. That's just a human (animal?) feeling, and it's perfectly natural. Why should YOU, Dan, adopt, while plenty of others just go ahead and produce babies, whether they want them or not?

Another very good point ... how can one contrast the selfishness of wanting to rear one's own young against the selfishness of people that HAVE children and then DON'T care for them ...

... but then again that raises the age-old question (for women) "if you were raped, would you abort the child ?", becuase obviously it's not the child's fault that it stemmed from an act of violence and violation ...

Obviously that happens in a distinct minority of cases, but it's another question to throw into the mix I guess ...

... this is rapidly becoming a bit of a MONSTER topic !! FINALLY I have something insightful to say .

!?!?! Shadow !?!?!

Originally Posted by Shadow

... but then again that raises the age-old question (for women) "if you were raped, would you abort the child ?", becuase obviously it's not the child's fault that it stemmed from an act of violence and violation ...

A monster topic, as you say. How could anyone really answer that question until or unless they experienced it? There would be all kinds of factors to consider depending on so many possible circumstances.