|2nd November 2010||#16|
Join Date: Oct 2010Single Gay Man
in Mirkwood - Middle Earth (USA)
When I entered into this commited relationship nearly 20 years ago, I had three 'rules'.
1. Don't hit me.
2. Don't steal from me.
3. Don't cheat on me.
These three rules are the ones I leave on.
Anything else, we work it out.
Mind during nearly 20 years of being together we have had good years and we have had bad years. We have been bored and we have fallen in love all over again.
All of that is perfectly normal for any couple.
You are now what 41? yeah you are going to feel trapped and that you settled. This is not due to your relationship, its due to a little thing called 'Mid-Life Crises'.
If you can't remember the last time you were passionate, or intimate, chances are you failed to start the fire.
In all honestly 'leaving' may be an option, but I did not see the rest of your list of options.
Something you should consider is Couple's Counseling.
Most likely your partner feels trapped, misses intimacy but doesn't say anything... Of course if you two never talk about real stuff - communicate, you may never really know.
I suggest you two go to couple's counseling, and figure out if your feelings are really due to your relationship or if they are due to your being a gay male who is going over the hill.
|2nd November 2010||#17|
King of the Word???
Join Date: Jan 2008Gay Man in a Monogamous Gay Relationship
in Near Geneva (Switzerland) (France)
Age: 54 (Starsign: Cancer)
Good points made, Bowyn. I think you are right about the mid-life crisis thing... I think we get a second sort of wind thinking: " Is it always going to be this boring for the next 30-40 years of my life?" And it can get scary. Find your second wind, Virgo, and see what small life changes you can make to feel less trapped. I think the couple counselling is a good idea too, it may help you to find some options that you hadn't thought about before. One of you is probably too comfortable in your present situation to risk kicking it all away. Maybe you need to find a new project, redecorate the house / apartment, go and visit some new places? Start a new business? Join some new activity clubs? Have you talked to your friends about this? What do they say?
|1st December 2010||#18|
Join Date: Nov 2010Gay Man in a Monogamous Gay Relationship
in Little bit here n there (Poland)
Age: 24 (Starsign: Aquarius)
I know it's been long ago since the last post here but I'm new to this forum.
I think is what You need to do is to look back in the past to the days you first met Him. Can You find anything like pictures, letters anything that you shared on the begining of your relationship, could be a memory like first time you did something silly and He smiled at You. I know it can be hard, because it was so long ago, but you should try. You should talk to Him about that what is going wrong, but as You say he does not talk. Try to make him do so, remind him about what he's done something for the first time, something that He enjoyed and made you happy about, but don't ask questions you are should answer it, something like : "Do you remember Sweetie when made me that dinner (meal that he loved to cook) it was so good, seeing you cooking, doing something with passion, only for me was so wonderful. Would you try it again? I can help you with it so we both can have fun".
Of course it's just obvious example it can be anything. Look back to the past, to all the moments that made you cry from being so happy with Him. Every day try to do something that you stopped doing long ago it might be hard, but I'm sure as He could see you doing that might remind Him of the past days. Take day off from work do something special for Him, maybe He needs a "kick", something that can bring back his feelings. You can't force Him it takes time. Never give up I haven't so you can do it either way Love is all we need but sometimes it's hard to find among the dust of rut.
|2nd February 2011||#19|
if you're not happy anymore, and you feel like the relationship is streinous rather than motivating, then break up with him. you don't need to stay in a situation where you're no longer interested.
|leave, long, relationship, stay, term|
|Thread||Thread Starter||Forum||Replies||Last Post|
|Just found out partner has cheated on me, don't know what to do||Anonymous||Relationships - Guys||40||2nd February 2011 09:22 am|
|Leave of Absence||Udabar||Chit Chat||9||2nd February 2011 09:04 am|
|Do I Stay or Leave?||Adzz02||Relationships - Guys||8||21st March 2009 12:40 pm|