could you be happy w/o coming out to your parents?

im kind of curious to hear if anyone here actually chose not to come out at home or if some of you waited a really long time? personally i dont mind right now that much and i have a friend i met online from near here who i am open with about it.

[XRIMO]

I waited until I was 24/25 to come out to my parents. It was something I wanted to do for a long time, but the time finally seemed right at that point. Could I be happy without coming out to them? No, I felt like they deserved to know since they should love me unconditionally, and I discovered that they did.

Hi,
I realised i was different at 12 but didnt know what I was until i was 16... I tried so long to hide it and be different and try to be with a girl but ended up growing depressed... At 17 over a game of monopoly as my brother kept dropping hints about my sexuality as i landed on his property and constantly saying RENT BOY I ended up throwing the board and saying so what if im gay!!!! Get over it and storming off thats how i came out and to be honest... Once i admitted it i felt as though a dam had opened its gates and everything began to make sense and to be honest... I have never been happier than to admit to myself that I am gay and if ya dont like it... Foxtrot oscar!

Of course everyone is different but personally... Once ya come out you then let people know where they stand and those that dont like it... You know to cut from your life...

[Glaedr]

I dont know, Im in your same boat. But I fell like im almost ready to myself, just going to wait until the right time. I also have some stuff to figure out myself so just waiting until everything is right. I believe I will know when that is.
Hope it goes well for you if/when you do!

[Beaux]

I waited for a long time to come out to my parents. The main reason for this was my dad, he is a "mans man" and I always thought he would really go nuts over it, so I waited. I lived in cities far far from my parents for many years but still the lies and deception involved in just communicating with them via telephone finally got to me more than I was willing to deal with and I told them (over the phone lolz) when I was 30.
Life is ironic lol my dad was pretty ok with the whole thing (not thrilled but ok) my mother on the other hand FLIPPED OUT. We didnt speak for 2 years because of it. Finally she called me and told me she loved me and that she wanted me in her life even if I choose to do this (she is CONVINCED that it is a choice). After that things smoothed out a bit but moms still not happy.

[colinmackay]

It took me until I was 35 to come out. But once I came out to the first person it was about 15 days to come out to all my close friends and my immediate family.

I am pretty much all or nothing. I had to come out in order to move on with my life. I am no good at lying (except, it seems, to myself) so I could never be out to some but not others.

I did have a couple of dates with a guy (he was 37) who was not out to some of his friends and he discovered I worked with one of them and obsessed about it from then on. I would never have outed him, but it would never have worked because of that either.

My fiancé is known to my work colleagues who all like him and get on with him. If there is a work night out where partners are permitted he comes along. I don't think I would have it any other way.

[jbrowder24]

I keep putting it off and sometimes wonder how long before things come to a head. What am I waiting for? To feel financially secure, or to be in love. I think if I was in love with someone, that I'd want to share that with my family - if I could. In the meantime, if I have major problems with my car or health or something as such, I know I can count on my dad to help me out with a temporary loan or something. It's not like my parents are rich or anything, but it's nice to know you'll have someone, and sort of meeting the right guy, right now it's my family.

Would my dad really be that bad? Maybe not, but all signs point to yes. When a cousin's girlfriend brought up Brokeback Mountain and said it was basically a love story, he coldly stated "There's no love in that." He used to like Ellen when she had her sitcom before the coming out, and doesn't now. In general, if anything is every seen on TV, there's just a lot of hateful comments.

I think my mom might cry and be a little upset at first, and be afraid I'd get HIV etc, but ultimately accept me. Perhaps she already knows, I'm not sure. I know my dad still asks about girls, so I still have him fooled. I have always been closer to my mom, but I do not want her to have to lie to my dad. I don't want him to make those comments at the TV, and she feels like she gets upset knowing he's unknowingly saying those things with a gay son. And if they both find out, I'm afraid they might fight a lot. I don't want them to fight. I'm a grown man and I'm worried about if my parents are going to fight.

Can I be happy? Besides the awkward questions about when will I get married, etc (hey it's not like I'm dating any guys either, stop rubbing me being single in my face!) and feeling a bit bad that I'm not honest with my mom, I feel like I can be. I'm out on my own, not living at home or anything. I live far away enough that I don't have to worry about being seen by someone I know on a date. And though I probably should be more careful, I've gotten to the point where I feel comfortable enough having my picture on profiles like this, even though I'm not completely out to everyone in my life. Of course, I won't be posting my real last name on here just in case

Anyway... I definitely hope things change soon for me. That I find a better paying job and begin to feel more secure. That I win the lottery (ha! but hey I try). That I meet a guy that'll be able to make me feel secure enough to take that leap, and have that emotional shoulder should I need it should things indeed get really rough. But for now... I find myself waiting.

Originally Posted by jbrowder24

I keep putting it off and sometimes wonder how long before things come to a head. What am I waiting for? To feel financially secure, or to be in love. I think if I was in love with someone, that I'd want to share that with my family - if I could. In the meantime, if I have major problems with my car or health or something as such, I know I can count on my dad to help me out with a temporary loan or something. It's not like my parents are rich or anything, but it's nice to know you'll have someone, and sort of meeting the right guy, right now it's my family.

Would my dad really be that bad? Maybe not, but all signs point to yes. When a cousin's girlfriend brought up Brokeback Mountain and said it was basically a love story, he coldly stated "There's no love in that." He used to like Ellen when she had her sitcom before the coming out, and doesn't now. In general, if anything is every seen on TV, there's just a lot of hateful comments.

I think my mom might cry and be a little upset at first, and be afraid I'd get HIV etc, but ultimately accept me. Perhaps she already knows, I'm not sure. I know my dad still asks about girls, so I still have him fooled. I have always been closer to my mom, but I do not want her to have to lie to my dad. I don't want him to make those comments at the TV, and she feels like she gets upset knowing he's unknowingly saying those things with a gay son. And if they both find out, I'm afraid they might fight a lot. I don't want them to fight. I'm a grown man and I'm worried about if my parents are going to fight.

Can I be happy? Besides the awkward questions about when will I get married, etc (hey it's not like I'm dating any guys either, stop rubbing me being single in my face!) and feeling a bit bad that I'm not honest with my mom, I feel like I can be. I'm out on my own, not living at home or anything. I live far away enough that I don't have to worry about being seen by someone I know on a date. And though I probably should be more careful, I've gotten to the point where I feel comfortable enough having my picture on profiles like this, even though I'm not completely out to everyone in my life. Of course, I won't be posting my real last name on here just in case

Anyway... I definitely hope things change soon for me. That I find a better paying job and begin to feel more secure. That I win the lottery (ha! but hey I try). That I meet a guy that'll be able to make me feel secure enough to take that leap, and have that emotional shoulder should I need it should things indeed get really rough. But for now... I find myself waiting.

wow,I feel for you,I can't quite understand one of the reasons for not coming out is for the odd family loan? but the rest of it is really sad,have you consitered that the reasons you give are never going to change apart from maybe the money situation,so really it's a argument for never comming out to your parents? also I can't understand posting a pic of yourself either? maybe you are hoping they get to know accidently,soory for the questions and comments,not expecting the answers because you seemed to have summed up your feeling but left me

[Beaux]

I gotta go with Simon (^) on this one. I can tell that you have a LOT of anxiety over this, think of the big exhale you would get it you didnt have all that to worry bout anymore. Not saying that things will necessarily work out the way you may dream of, but there is no chance of it working out well at all if you never take the chance. jmo.

[LiZaRD_PlaNET]

My parents have always known I'm gay. My father left 7 years ago while I was in college, and although I know where he is, I have not spoken to him in years. My mother is a 67 years old with high blood pressure and a bad heart. She is also very religious. In answer to the original post, yes, I would be happy even if they didn't know.

[Virgin]

i never came out to my parents and i'm still a happy person living with a happy family. sometimes, being silent is the option cause there's just too much complexities that can happen of me revealing my sexuality.

[jbrowder24]

I'm out to my friends, and my sisters know. I'm not living some total lie. It does get complicated at times. I have two facebook accounts, for example. But I was trying to relate to the Anonymous poster and give my own experiences, I wasn't looking for advice here. Perhaps when the time is right, I'd ask for support and advice. Right now, I just ask you respect that I have my reasons for doing or not doing what I do.

My friends are great, but they are all straight, married, having babies. I've had a lot of bad luck in my life - car problems, health issues, etc - that the savings I did have were depleted. I grew up listening to my parents fight over money issues, but things are better for them now. I'm not ready to risk losing my family; not without having a cushion of support through a better job (and yes I am looking) or someone's love (ditto). I'll still have my concerns once I do have one of those, but until then those concerns are put on the backburner while I focus instead on my searches.

I am NOT hoping to get accidentally outed, but I am not going to live my life in fear. I don't make up stories about girls; I don't try to act macho; I have dating profiles on gay sites. I am me, even around those who don't know the whole truth about me. I do have problems with anxiety in general, but I am not feeling all this anxiety over this. I do feel regret for not posting my own response anonymously, as I know a lot of gay people are judgmental if you are not out for some reason or other and I'd rather not deal with that here. Thanks.

Originally Posted by jbrowder24

I'm out to my friends, and my sisters know. I'm not living some total lie. It does get complicated at times. I have two facebook accounts, for example. But I was trying to relate to the Anonymous poster and give my own experiences, I wasn't looking for advice here. Perhaps when the time is right, I'd ask for support and advice. Right now, I just ask you respect that I have my reasons for doing or not doing what I do.

My friends are great, but they are all straight, married, having babies. I've had a lot of bad luck in my life - car problems, health issues, etc - that the savings I did have were depleted. I grew up listening to my parents fight over money issues, but things are better for them now. I'm not ready to risk losing my family.

I am NOT hoping to get accidentally outed, but I am not going to live my life in fear. I don't make up stories about girls; I don't try to act macho; I have dating profiles on gay sites. I am me, even around those who don't know the whole turth about me. I do have problems with anxiety in general, but I am not feeling all this anxiety over this. I do feel regret for not posting my own response anonymously, as I know a lot of gay people are judgmental if you are not out for some reason or other and I'd rather not deal with that here.

no problem,I don't need to be asked twice to back off.

I spent a very long time in hiding until I realized that it really doesn't matter much. We are who we are and things always end up working out as they are supposed to. I used to drown myself in tears nearly every day, but that was the past and the past really doesn't matter.

It's funny, once you reach that one big moment and it happens at different times for everyone, you realize that being gay is just a very small piece of the infinite puzzle that makes you, you. After that happens, it doesn't matter who knows.

[jbrowder24]

Originally Posted by cry0s

It's funny, once you reach that one big moment and it happens at different times for everyone, you realize that being gay is just a very small piece of the infinite puzzle that makes you, you. After that happens, it doesn't matter who knows.

Perhaps this is what was lost in what I posted above. I *have* reached this point in general; I just have one situation that is more complicated but it's not something I'm crying about at nights. And for what it's worth, my sisters agree with me on my dad.