First time comming out Check... Failure?

Well... Today I went out the closed to 1 person, the guy that i Though would be least judgmental at that point. Started out like a normal day, i came to his house and played some X-box. We discussed something and i was spontaneously i just told him

''We are almost as close as brothers man, and i love you as a bro, but I do not want to hold any secrets any more... I do not want this to effect our friendship for a bit and if we are that close it should mater. I have always seen you as the accepting one. I can't hide it, anyways not from you. {Anonymous}... I... am actually Bi, or gay. I DO NOT want us to change, i need you as a friend, i just need to get it off my chest''

I wasn't sure what flew into me but it felt good getting it out for the moment. He stared at me sarcastically and started to laugh after a while. I was ratter confused at this point and he stopped laughing after a while and asked ''...W-w-wait... this wasn't a joke? your gay?''. After it he made an unidentified facial expression, I got very nervous after that so I just nodded.

I stepped asides from him and he turned his face to the TV and shut it down. He just stared at it. The silence lasted 30 minutes, maybe more but i left after that. The only thing said was easy questions and answers like Y:TV? X: No. Y:Beer? X:No.
It was kind of freaking me out so I left eventually. Can't stop thinking of it, i regret it tough . How should I take his response? He was clearly in denial first and was chocked.

[dfiant]

Yeah, I agree. He is just in shock so give him some space and let him come to you.

Hello,
When you first tell someone you are gay the shock does set in and to be honest give him time.... If this is a friendship that is ment to last he will come round or as he gets older he will realise his naive ways and remember you as someone who he brushed aside and judged when not meaning to.... l would recommend maybe now finding time to move one step further and telling other people to see the reaction.... You seem to want to just get it out off your chest and be free which is natural and understanding and my advice is.... Grab whatever happens grab it by the horns and go with the flow some will be good some will be bad it happens to us all no matter where you are in the world.... Even a gay city like mine with 55,000 gay residents ive experienced people go cold on me and to be honest i thought... Bothered?

Kindest regards

zeon x

Sorry to hear your first experience went like this. I hope he gets over himself soon and you can pick up your friendship again.

[princealbertofb]

No, Aester, I don't think you should think of it as a mistake... You did well. You said all the right things, and mentioned that you still needed his friendship. Obviously he will need to reassess what it is that you mean to him, and since it has taken you time to come to terms with the reality of your sexual orientation, then it will take him time to adjust too. I hope that you will be able to talk to him again soon and to maybe joke about it. Maybe he felt really foolish about laughing at you before realising that you were serious. Maybe he also knows how difficult it is to say something so intimate, so give him a little time. Text him, if you can, to ask if he's alright, and if he needs time to come to terms with this new reality. If he decides that he can no longer hang out with you, then it's his loss.... Hopefully, he'll realise that it doesn't change a thing between you and you can still get on like brothers.
Good luck.

[princealbertofb]

Oh, and one more thing, Aester.... I am PROUD of you!!!!

[pellaz]

mention he is the first friend you told.

I realized after this that I wasn't ready to come out after the closet yet... but i took the first step atleast. I shall give him sometime, Just hoping he will accept it. Thanks for the replies anyways

[red06sc]

i really dont understand why the words "im gay" is such a big deal. why cant people just say ok and move on.

Aester, there could have been many things going on in his mind at the time and probably were. He didn't kick you out, he offered you a beer and asked if you wanted to watch T.V.

As others have said, shock is likely the reason for his silence. He maty have even been waiting for you to say more. In either case it became uncomfortable to both of you.

That doesn't mean that your relationship with your friend has changed, it just means that it was a rather new experience for both of you.

Best of Luck

Originally Posted by Inchante

He didn't kick you out, he offered you a beer and asked if you wanted to watch T.V.

I asked him with beer and TV though

[princealbertofb]

To add to Inchante's idea, maybe he expected that you would come out with something like "and I'm in love with you", which you didn't, but maybe he felt uncomfortable about that because he wouldn't have known how to react to that, probably... You did say that you were like brothers which, normally, would set aside that possibility. There is another possibility that he is also gay and has not been able to formulate it yet ... (but that's only a frail possibility).
I just watched this short Brazilian film in which the young man announces to his best friend (a girl) who's got feelings for him that he's in love with his mate (another boy). Her reaction is to say that she doesn't know what to say. That's maybe all there is to it. The news made your friend speechless.

Originally Posted by Aester

I asked him with beer and TV though

It matters little. It is still probably shock and it may take him a while to get used to it.

As Princealbertofb stated, he may think that you are in love with him too. You may have to reassure him that, though you are gay, that does not mean that you are in love with him. A man coming out to another man can often be one of the more difficult scenarios. If the man is not necessarily comfortable with his own sexuality, he can take it the wrong way . . . as a threat to his own sexuality and masculinity. He will experience what the Philosopher Judith Butler calls a Vertigo, a feeling of "falling" from his privileged position as a heterosexual.

When I came out . . . come out (as you never really stop doing it) I try and tell a female friend first. You don't have to worry about them thinking you are in love with them and it wont challenge her feelings of femininity or her sexuality.

The first person I came out to was an exchange student I had befriended in High School from Munich. She was a very lovely girl, and though she was a bit disappointed (as she had a crush on me at the time) she was very supportive. Since I've gotten comfortable with my sexuality, I've learned that adopting a blasé attitude when coming out actually helps other people be comfortable with it. The added benefit or hindrance (depending on how secretive you want to be about it) of the blasé attitude is that, the people you tell wont think it a secret and will help you disseminate that information. So, if you are at a new job, you can tell one or two people, and then within the matter of a few days you wont have to come out to any of your colleagues.

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Wise words. Although i find it hard to imagine him gay. He even started dating a gal from my class he got to knew through me. Best would be if i got it cleared once more

I do not like using a phone, i think it can be pretty impersonal though, so i went to him for a quick visit. He greeted me nicely and we spoke a bit but never to that subject. He seemed very tense and stiff and completely ignored the fact that i came out the closet to him. He seem hard to accept the fact but he is neither mad at me, i guess some facts are just heavy to take in, and as we been friends a long time he might not want to look at me in another way.