Depression.... Time to talk - Page 2 - GaySpeak Gay Forums | Online Friends Community

hamsandwizh · 22nd December 2011

Depression is a serious issue. I had it from about 7th grade up until a couple months ago (so 15 years or so) and I still think I got it I'm just dealing with it a lot better now and have a lot of coping skills to help me deal with it.

But depression is serious. It's hard for people with it to open up, or at least it was for me, I was in so much pain and self hatred and got to the point where I was just completely over it. Didn't open up because I didn't see a point, didn't think anything could help me. I eventually hit bottom, hit it hard! The last couple years were horrible for me! I don't remember any of it actually, my doctors said they think it was such a tamatic time for me that my brain blocked out all memories from the last couple years as a way to protect myself.

They think as time passes and I continue to do better and get stronger that some of the memories will start to come back once my brain thinks I can handle them. If that's true or not I don't know but I'm really not very worried about it. If they don't come back they don't come back. I have a general idea of what triggered things to get worse and I don't need to know how bad I got, that wont do any good in my opinion.

22nd December 2011

Hi All,
Well i know when i was younger and i saw my councillor when i had depression due to homelife issues he told me that depression at times was like keeping a little you inside in a cage... I was told to imagen myself in a box that i cannot get out of and that once i had overcome lifes demons i would be free again... As an adult ive had my ups and dowhn moments but because i hate being down inside i beleive that positive attitude = positive results so when something goes wrong or happens I sort of prevent myself getting upset by analzying why it happenned and what the consiquences are, possible ways to avoid for future referance.... Example is tonight i was building my wardrobe when the wood split right down the side i was so angry that if i paid for it all id be taking it to the tip rather than back to the shop... I know after 15 minutes and a think i looked at the pieces and noticed the reason it split is because one screw is slightly longer than the rest even though its advertised as 20mm screws... I know if i was 15 years younger this would bug me things would go wrong and id get emotionally upset and in life if one thing goes wrong everything else does lol...

Kindest regards

zeon x

BinarySurfer · 23rd December 2011

Np, he's an awesome friend that everyone should have.

indianajones · 8th February 2012

I have been struggling with depression and anxiety disorder for as long as i can remember. Its an expremely difficult condition to live with. There are times when i feel so bad that i just wanna crwal up in bed and cry my heart out. It feels like darkness all around and you kind of go into this abyss. But, the episode ends and you feel little better, to fall back into it again. I have trouble keeping relationships and enjoy life like others do as i struggle with my mind and its thoughts all times. i get overly emotional and feel exteremely weak inside as my thoughts make me so much vulnerable all the times. A year back, i was on disability and out of work, homebound for a year. But then i pulled myself together, started working and socializing again. I still struggle with this condition day and day out, but somehow, i am managing it.

Gizzie · 8th February 2012

I have been depressed (and every other diagnose the doctors gave me ) for many years now, and not even sure when it started. I do recall having a counselor at the early age of four, because I just couldn't fit into kindergarten and the frustration of it all came out in hysterical fits.

I am much better now, but what frightens me is how very little I remember about anything.
My long term memory seems to have a auto deleting system that works to make me forget ASAP and because of this i can't remember any classmates, what I was doing a year ago etc.
A little bit like what Hamsandwizh described but occurring throughout the whole length of my life.

Do any of you know if this is related to my depression/ being AC/ traumatized etc?

And yes, I do hope that people who are in the midst of their depression can find someone to relate to and open up to.
I have my dog now, who is always happy, and always loving.
Having a bundle of joy to wake up to and come home to makes ell of a difference.

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22nd December 2011	#16
hamsandwizh Veteran Join Date: Nov 2011 Single Gay Man in San Diego (USA) Age: 29 (Starsign: Pisces) Posts: 44 My Mood:	Depression is a serious issue. I had it from about 7th grade up until a couple months ago (so 15 years or so) and I still think I got it I'm just dealing with it a lot better now and have a lot of coping skills to help me deal with it. But depression is serious. It's hard for people with it to open up, or at least it was for me, I was in so much pain and self hatred and got to the point where I was just completely over it. Didn't open up because I didn't see a point, didn't think anything could help me. I eventually hit bottom, hit it hard! The last couple years were horrible for me! I don't remember any of it actually, my doctors said they think it was such a tamatic time for me that my brain blocked out all memories from the last couple years as a way to protect myself. They think as time passes and I continue to do better and get stronger that some of the memories will start to come back once my brain thinks I can handle them. If that's true or not I don't know but I'm really not very worried about it. If they don't come back they don't come back. I have a general idea of what triggered things to get worse and I don't need to know how bad I got, that wont do any good in my opinion.

22nd December 2011	#17
zeon Self-deleted account... Posts: n/a	Hi All, Well i know when i was younger and i saw my councillor when i had depression due to homelife issues he told me that depression at times was like keeping a little you inside in a cage... I was told to imagen myself in a box that i cannot get out of and that once i had overcome lifes demons i would be free again... As an adult ive had my ups and dowhn moments but because i hate being down inside i beleive that positive attitude = positive results so when something goes wrong or happens I sort of prevent myself getting upset by analzying why it happenned and what the consiquences are, possible ways to avoid for future referance.... Example is tonight i was building my wardrobe when the wood split right down the side i was so angry that if i paid for it all id be taking it to the tip rather than back to the shop... I know after 15 minutes and a think i looked at the pieces and noticed the reason it split is because one screw is slightly longer than the rest even though its advertised as 20mm screws... I know if i was 15 years younger this would bug me things would go wrong and id get emotionally upset and in life if one thing goes wrong everything else does lol... Kindest regards zeon x

23rd December 2011	#18
BinarySurfer Veteran Join Date: Jun 2010 Single Gay Man in Kissimmee FL (USA) Posts: 53	Np, he's an awesome friend that everyone should have.

8th February 2012	#19
indianajones Crazy Poster Join Date: Feb 2012 Single Gay Man in Mumbai (India) Posts: 87 My Mood:	I have been struggling with depression and anxiety disorder for as long as i can remember. Its an expremely difficult condition to live with. There are times when i feel so bad that i just wanna crwal up in bed and cry my heart out. It feels like darkness all around and you kind of go into this abyss. But, the episode ends and you feel little better, to fall back into it again. I have trouble keeping relationships and enjoy life like others do as i struggle with my mind and its thoughts all times. i get overly emotional and feel exteremely weak inside as my thoughts make me so much vulnerable all the times. A year back, i was on disability and out of work, homebound for a year. But then i pulled myself together, started working and socializing again. I still struggle with this condition day and day out, but somehow, i am managing it.

8th February 2012	#20
Gizzie Insane Poster Join Date: Feb 2012 Gay Man in a Monogamous Gay Relationship in Tokyo (Japan) Age: 31 (Starsign: Aquarius) Posts: 225	I have been depressed (and every other diagnose the doctors gave me ) for many years now, and not even sure when it started. I do recall having a counselor at the early age of four, because I just couldn't fit into kindergarten and the frustration of it all came out in hysterical fits. I am much better now, but what frightens me is how very little I remember about anything. My long term memory seems to have a auto deleting system that works to make me forget ASAP and because of this i can't remember any classmates, what I was doing a year ago etc. A little bit like what Hamsandwizh described but occurring throughout the whole length of my life. Do any of you know if this is related to my depression/ being AC/ traumatized etc? And yes, I do hope that people who are in the midst of their depression can find someone to relate to and open up to. I have my dog now, who is always happy, and always loving. Having a bundle of joy to wake up to and come home to makes ell of a difference.