Has this happened to anyone else? - GaySpeak Gay Forums | Online Friends Community

19th February 2012

So, I'm starting to think I missed the boat. I've been out since I was 18 but I've never been in a "real" relationship. I dated someone when I was 23 for only about two months. I'm now 28. A while back, I decided to quit the dating scene altogether, mainly because the same scenario happened over and over and over again, 7 times in a 5 year period to be exact.

That scenario is this:

Let's say you meet "Guy #1," you like him, you go on a date or two. You're very interested in this guy for a number of reasons. However, he decides that he just wants to be friends. Ok, move on to the next one.

Now you meet "Guy #2," and you also like him and also go on a date or two with him. You're, again, very interested in him. However, he also decides that he just wants to be friends. Somewhere, somehow, a short time later, Guy #1 meets Guy #2 and they hit it off and date it up and and up in a relationship together.

So, like I said, that happened to me 7 times in a 5 year period. I don't understand how I can be that unlucky. How 14 different people can find a connection with one another but none with me. I don't have the good looks of a model but I'm told by a lot of people that I'm a good looking guy. I'm personable, outgoing in the right setting, intelligent, I have a good, well-paying job, people seem to think I'm funny, but apparently I'm not relationship worthy.

I did remain friends with a few of these people, but I don't really have a lot of contact with them anymore. I'd be out with them and they'd all get hit on or be out with their boyfriend or whatever and they couldn't understand why I felt awkward all the time. They'd make new friends and I'd try to get into the conversation but I was always just the guy standing behind someone else, unnoticed.

This must be tiring to read so if you've made it this far, thanks. I'm rambling, I know, but I just don't know what to do anymore. I gave it a rest for a while, but I'm sick of being alone. What would you do? Do you think I'm doomed? Crazy? An asshole? What would you do?

End rant... help...

Nick9 · 19th February 2012

Hi, I am sorry I don't have an advice for you. I just don't know

Maybe talk to some of the guy? Ask them what they missed in your relationship, what their current partner has and you hadn't? Maybe if you show them you don't hold it against them and you just want to know? I wish I knew what to do...

Rainbowmum · 20th February 2012

You have every reason to rant , and I have no idea why this is happening to you.
I could understand it if you were coming on too strong , but you have giving no indication of that.
There is no way you are doomed , perish the thought sweetie , your perfect man is out there.
Usually when you least expect it.

trywait · 20th February 2012

dating is one thing; sustaining a relationship is another. admittedly, the hardest part is getting the first date; afterwards, jus go with the flow. if theres a 2nd date in the horizon, take it one thing at a time.

monk · 20th February 2012

I met the love of my life when I was thirty-five.

Never give up!

Nick9 · 20th February 2012

electricmonk is right

I met mine when he was 33. Have faith

20th February 2012

hello,
I would suggest maybe showing the world your true colours and being yourself. I tend to find that love happensd when you dont look for it.. It did in my case as i didnt want to see what was what and wanted to enjoy my single life and then one night met a guy after six weeks of freedom had a one night stand and now that guy i had a one night stand with i share a mortgage with and a loving family home...

Relationshipos can happen in any circumstance yoiu never know whats around the hill

Kindest regards

zeon x

Gizzie · 23rd February 2012

You are only 28, its too early to give up!
Better to be alone than stuck with the wrong person…right?

pellaz · 23rd February 2012

I like your sig pic:

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nick9

... Maybe talk to some of the guys? Ask them what they missed in your relationship, what their current partner has and you hadn't? Maybe if you show them you don't hold it against them and you just want to know? ...

i noticed this self improvement idea, if you have the guts to do it. Talk to both of them as a couple.

BobInTampa · 23rd February 2012

After the end of a 10-year LTR, i was thrust into the gay dating pool - and i was a lot older than you (also with a great job, house, car, good looks for my age, no drugs, no drama) and experienced the same thing. But you know what, i fully expected to "kiss alot of frogs" before i found my real prince...and i DID!

I was very active on gay dating, hookup and social media sites and had a VERY CLEAR and direct profile where i listed all my requirements to meet (yes, requirements). Bascially my profile said: I'm an inshape, masculine, versitle guy with a job (career), home, car... i don't do drugs or drama and i'm looking to meet similar guys for dating - yes, dating not tricking.

I got alot of grief about the "list" but you know what, i met my partner on A4A and we've been together for 2 years now! So, set the bar high. Hold to your values, have fun, go on dates and you know what? One of these times YOU will meet and fall in love with a guy who turned someone else down!

20th February 2012	#3
Rainbowmum Spiritually blessed Join Date: May 2011 Gay Friendly Straight Woman in a Monogamous Straight Relationship in Goulburn (Australia) Posts: 16,842 My Mood: View my Picture Album(s)	You have every reason to rant , and I have no idea why this is happening to you. I could understand it if you were coming on too strong , but you have giving no indication of that. There is no way you are doomed , perish the thought sweetie , your perfect man is out there. Usually when you least expect it. __________________ __________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 1 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

20th February 2012	#5
monk carpe diem Join Date: Jan 2012 Gay Man in a Monogamous Gay Relationship in London (UK - England) Age: 60 (Starsign: Leo) Posts: 12,942 My Mood:	I met the love of my life when I was thirty-five. Never give up! __________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 1 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Here is the test to find whether your mission on Earth is finished: if you're alive, it isn't.

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19th February 2012	#1
Jeep Self-deleted account... Posts: n/a	Has this happened to anyone else? So, I'm starting to think I missed the boat. I've been out since I was 18 but I've never been in a "real" relationship. I dated someone when I was 23 for only about two months. I'm now 28. A while back, I decided to quit the dating scene altogether, mainly because the same scenario happened over and over and over again, 7 times in a 5 year period to be exact. That scenario is this: Let's say you meet "Guy #1," you like him, you go on a date or two. You're very interested in this guy for a number of reasons. However, he decides that he just wants to be friends. Ok, move on to the next one. Now you meet "Guy #2," and you also like him and also go on a date or two with him. You're, again, very interested in him. However, he also decides that he just wants to be friends. Somewhere, somehow, a short time later, Guy #1 meets Guy #2 and they hit it off and date it up and and up in a relationship together. So, like I said, that happened to me 7 times in a 5 year period. I don't understand how I can be that unlucky. How 14 different people can find a connection with one another but none with me. I don't have the good looks of a model but I'm told by a lot of people that I'm a good looking guy. I'm personable, outgoing in the right setting, intelligent, I have a good, well-paying job, people seem to think I'm funny, but apparently I'm not relationship worthy. I did remain friends with a few of these people, but I don't really have a lot of contact with them anymore. I'd be out with them and they'd all get hit on or be out with their boyfriend or whatever and they couldn't understand why I felt awkward all the time. They'd make new friends and I'd try to get into the conversation but I was always just the guy standing behind someone else, unnoticed. This must be tiring to read so if you've made it this far, thanks. I'm rambling, I know, but I just don't know what to do anymore. I gave it a rest for a while, but I'm sick of being alone. What would you do? Do you think I'm doomed? Crazy? An asshole? What would you do? End rant... help...

19th February 2012	#2
Nick9 ... Join Date: Nov 2011 Mixed Group in Prague (Czech Republic) Posts: 2,985	Hi, I am sorry I don't have an advice for you. I just don't know Maybe talk to some of the guy? Ask them what they missed in your relationship, what their current partner has and you hadn't? Maybe if you show them you don't hold it against them and you just want to know? I wish I knew what to do...

20th February 2012	#4
trywait all pau Join Date: Aug 2011 Single Bi Man in la county california (USA) Posts: 3,625 My Mood: View my Picture Album(s)	dating is one thing; sustaining a relationship is another. admittedly, the hardest part is getting the first date; afterwards, jus go with the flow. if theres a 2nd date in the horizon, take it one thing at a time.

20th February 2012	#6
Nick9 ... Join Date: Nov 2011 Mixed Group in Prague (Czech Republic) Posts: 2,985	electricmonk is right I met mine when he was 33. Have faith

20th February 2012	#7
zeon Self-deleted account... Posts: n/a	hello, I would suggest maybe showing the world your true colours and being yourself. I tend to find that love happensd when you dont look for it.. It did in my case as i didnt want to see what was what and wanted to enjoy my single life and then one night met a guy after six weeks of freedom had a one night stand and now that guy i had a one night stand with i share a mortgage with and a loving family home... Relationshipos can happen in any circumstance yoiu never know whats around the hill Kindest regards zeon x

23rd February 2012	#8
Gizzie Insane Poster Join Date: Feb 2012 Gay Man in a Monogamous Gay Relationship in Tokyo (Japan) Age: 31 (Starsign: Aquarius) Posts: 225	You are only 28, its too early to give up! Better to be alone than stuck with the wrong person…right?

23rd February 2012	#10
BobInTampa Insane Poster Join Date: Feb 2011 Gay Man in a Monogamous Gay Relationship in Tamp (USA) Posts: 187 My Mood:	After the end of a 10-year LTR, i was thrust into the gay dating pool - and i was a lot older than you (also with a great job, house, car, good looks for my age, no drugs, no drama) and experienced the same thing. But you know what, i fully expected to "kiss alot of frogs" before i found my real prince...and i DID! I was very active on gay dating, hookup and social media sites and had a VERY CLEAR and direct profile where i listed all my requirements to meet (yes, requirements). Bascially my profile said: I'm an inshape, masculine, versitle guy with a job (career), home, car... i don't do drugs or drama and i'm looking to meet similar guys for dating - yes, dating not tricking. I got alot of grief about the "list" but you know what, i met my partner on A4A and we've been together for 2 years now! So, set the bar high. Hold to your values, have fun, go on dates and you know what? One of these times YOU will meet and fall in love with a guy who turned someone else down!