|12th March 2012||#1|
what happened that day?
greetings to everyone!
so i went on what appeared to be my first gay date the other day... the guy had told me he was single but he had recenlty broke up, and he did not know if he would go back with him. i had met him in some odd circumstances two days before the date, and i really thought he was nice so i ask for his number. when we spoke to organize our meeting, he told me about his past relationship and that he didnt want to go so fast out with another guy, i just told him i wanted to talk, and to get to know him, and with that idea i went into the date.
After talking for hours and roaming some place we went off, he took me into this wierd place, he told me many times he couldnt believe it was my first time. we eventaully found a place of solace in an abondoned building, our talk started to get serous, i didnt know what was happenening, why where we there, what did he want. as the conversations unfolded i wasnt hardly paying attention, my mind was in the figuring what was happening, trying to understand why i was there. he feinted to kiss me yet our lips did not meet, i just wanted to taste, but i just stood, waiting for him to guide me through my uncertany, my insecurities, my inexperience. he kept questoning why i hadnt been with anybody, why did i choose him and would open myself to him as i did, yet i myself had no answer... in some point he told me to get close to him and sit in his lap, i willingly acepted his request, and he started to breath onto my neck, slowly reaching my ears, his tongue soaking my auricle. i just kept on enjoying, it felt so natural, as if i been doing this all my life, as if i was connected to that person... he told me he was going through some hard time, and he needed to be with someone, that he needed to just feel someone, touch, to feel he was not alone, the atmosphere turned into a blend of undestanding, comprehension, yet physical, arousing feeling, but still a distance, a barrier he didnt want to pass, maybe i dindt either, not yet. After the time, the phisical wear of our bodies, the atmosphere broke, and i and him uncounsously conceded to restore oursleves, and we went apart as if the prevously had not happened, leaving it, for a moment, in the oblivion, parting with a hug, maybe one of freindship, like a thank you.
after some days i have yet still to figure out what happened to me in that moment, i didnt want to be their, i hated the fluffy feelings, the borings chat that would lead to nothing, the unending hope to find some love that has ever to exist, the shortsighted illusion of reaching something impossible, of forgetting, living the lie that this world could ever be perfect, yet i couldnt move, one part of me did not want to go, one part of me wanted to be there to feel, to help him, understand him, to see if i could understand myself.... i didnt even want sex, i just wanted a kiss, maybe, to determine what i was, the motive of my existince, it was jsut beyond being gay or not, it was a matter of existence, guidance...
well thank you for reading and sorry for the ambigousity lol, i dont know why i did this post, maybe its more of an confession or something but well id like to know what you guys think, oh and srry for the translation in language, english is not my native languege lol
|13th March 2012||#2|
Join Date: May 2011Gay Friendly Straight Woman in a Monogamous Straight Relationship
in Goulburn (Australia)
Hello redempts, welcome to GaySpeak.,
I am really sorry you are having a tough time of it.
Please do not take this the wrong way,when it comes to online dating, most of those guys , are only after one thing. ( no insult to you or anyone else here intended.)
Now when you meet someone that has raw luggage , you are not going to be swept of your feet.
Romeo is hurting and is way to busy licking his wounds.
The right guy will come along sooner or later.
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monk (14th March 2012)
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