Listing preferred role in bed.

[LateBloomer]

Eh, so here's a stupid question...

I finally placed a (legit) ad on a mainstream dating website searching for a monogamous LTR. (No more anonymous hook ups for me.)

In my profile I mentioned that I'm versatile, not really into roles, like top/bottom etc...

But I'm left a little uncomfortable putting that out there right off the bat. My question is, Is that too much information?

Personally, as much as I'm looking for an emotional connection, I don't really want to start an exclusive sexual relationship that pins me down into one role.

Am I putting too much emphasis on this aspect? Honest opinions appreciated.

Thanks as always.

[Gaydude3]

I'd leave it out because it sounds like you might be looking for sex. Most guys are versatile anyway.

[LateBloomer]

Right. Thanks. That was my concern.

Still interested in other opinions.

[gilhooly]

I'm a pagan. I believe in free will. When I choose to do something, I always assume I am right. I go with the results of my decisions. If I am wrong, I don't care. I try something else until I get it right.

If you wrote your profile truthfully, it almost always works to your benefit. If you lie, it almost always comes back to haunt you.

From my point of view, you are right unless someone can prove you are wrong. Good luck. Hope you get laid on your first date. If not, try to get laid on your second date. If not, try to get laid on your third date. ETC. As long as you like a guy, keep going after him.

I fell madly in love with a straight guy and never regretted it. From a gay point of view, I did everything wrong. HaHA I'm sticking my tongue out at the guys who pretend they know the rules. I fucked that straight guy without once having ever seen a picture of a homosexual act. I think if I could recreate the loss of my virginity, most guys would laugh so hard, it would be the funniest porn movie ever made. What the hell. I finally got the job done and I was elated. The straight guy said he liked it. It works. I always trust my instincts with guys. I am never wrong with guys. I am an asshole with women. I still can't figure out why he got his foot in my mouth at one point. I pushed and pulled in 20 directions until I got everything lined up. I penetrated and came in 30 seconds. Trust me I got better. Before he died, I could fuck my guy for hours without having an orgasm. Try anal reservatus, it will astonish you! Good luck.

[ceez]

I was thinking the same, it shouldn't really matter if your looking for a long term monogamous relationship.

[Nick9]

Good luck, LateBloomer! I know he is out there. And when you find him, he will tell you that he was looking for a man like you for a long time. And I bet he will be sure, the long waiting was worth it

[Bowyn Aerrow]

To me the information is 'important' to a point, that point varies depending on the person. There are 100% strict 'total' tops and total bottoms who feel that this is an important aspect of what they want in a person. Knowing that information up front instead of spending three dates not touching the subject then asking to get the wrong answer is really a waste of time and energy for both parties.

I do not know how this versatile thing works for you. Would you be willing to date a top or bottom only type person and being thrown into a 'role' situation? If not, then weeding out the potential mates based on your need/want to have a person who is like you, versatile, may actually be important here.

Do you want to invest three dates (three meals and three movies) to a guy who turns out to be a total bottom that can't and won't ever, never ever ever top? If not, then letting the guys know that you are versatile and looking for the same will save you from 'wasting' time.

[LateBloomer]

Originally Posted by Nick9

Good luck, LateBloomer! I know he is out there. And when you find him, he will tell you that he was looking for a man like you for a long time. And I bet he will be sure, the long waiting was worth it

What a sweet thought.
Let's hope so.

[LateBloomer]

Originally Posted by Bowyn Aerrow

To me the information is 'important' to a point, that point varies depending on the person. There are 100% strict 'total' tops and total bottoms who feel that this is an important aspect of what they want in a person. Knowing that information up front instead of spending three dates not touching the subject then asking to get the wrong answer is really a waste of time and energy for both parties.

I do not know how this versatile thing works for you. Would you be willing to date a top or bottom only type person and being thrown into a 'role' situation? If not, then weeding out the potential mates based on your need/want to have a person who is like you, versatile, may actually be important here.

Do you want to invest three dates (three meals and three movies) to a guy who turns out to be a total bottom that can't and won't ever, never ever ever top? If not, then letting the guys know that you are versatile and looking for the same will save you from 'wasting' time.

Thanks.

How does the "versatile thing" work for me? Well, I guess that's a pretty good question. Honestly, I don't like bottoming very much. It's something I do for my partner if he wants it. I actually "get off" more on sheer intimacy no matter what form it takes.

So, would I be frustrated with a "pure top"? Honestly, yeah. Like I said, I don't want to be "pinned down"--literally or figuratively!



But I noticed one thing while perusing the ads. Almost NOBODY mentions what they prefer and the ones who do, well, I don't want to have anything to do with them...

I guess that's why I needed a little feedback.

So far I'm happy deleting that part of my ad. Let's see how it goes.

[LateBloomer]

Originally Posted by gilhooly

I'm a pagan. I believe in free will. When I choose to do something, I always assume I am right. I go with the results of my decisions. If I am wrong, I don't care. I try something else until I get it right.

If you wrote your profile truthfully, it almost always works to your benefit. If you lie, it almost always comes back to haunt you.

From my point of view, you are right unless someone can prove you are wrong. Good luck. Hope you get laid on your first date. If not, try to get laid on your second date. If not, try to get laid on your third date. ETC. As long as you like a guy, keep going after him.

I fell madly in love with a straight guy and never regretted it. From a gay point of view, I did everything wrong. HaHA I'm sticking my tongue out at the guys who pretend they know the rules. I fucked that straight guy without once having ever seen a picture of a homosexual act. I think if I could recreate the loss of my virginity, most guys would laugh so hard, it would be the funniest porn movie ever made. What the hell. I finally got the job done and I was elated. The straight guy said he liked it. It works. I always trust my instincts with guys. I am never wrong with guys. I am an asshole with women. I still can't figure out why he got his foot in my mouth at one point. I pushed and pulled in 20 directions until I got everything lined up. I penetrated and came in 30 seconds. Trust me I got better. Before he died, I could fuck my guy for hours without having an orgasm. Try anal reservatus, it will astonish you! Good luck.

I also believe honesty wins every time. But I also appreciate a little "decorum" I guess.

Anal reservatus? I might have to Google that!

[azulai]

Ok, I don't have any experience with dating sites so my point of view may be a bit naïve.

I think you should go with what YOU would want to know. If this is important to you, then you should express yourself. Is it important to you when looking at the profiles of other guys that they have this information listed about themselves? Would you find it offensive or would you quickly eliminate them if they put that they were versatile in their profile? If they put exclusive top or bottom? How would you read it?

Do you think hiding how important versatility is to you starts you off repressed and trying to fit yourself to what you THINK the other person will accept, not your true self?

Why shouldn't this be a tool to weed out candidates? You have to weigh how much sexual compatibility means to you.

What if you spend a bunch of time exchanging emails, you get all excited to meet this other person and then over coffee he tells you he is only interested in non-penetrative sex? Would that be any different?

I'm more of the attitude that this is me, take it or leave it. I think that's healthier from the start. If someone is uptight talking about sex or offended that you want fair play, is that what you want? Only you can determine how much you are willing to compromise. And, would you be willing to compromise? Should you be the only one to compromise?

Anyway, just my opinion. I personally would not find that offensive or think you are looking only for a sex. I'm guessing that you wrote a bit about who you are and what you are looking for in terms of a LTR. That should tell the other person more about your heart, I would think.

I see your statement as not setting yourself or this other person up for failure or not leading someone on.

Is it you want the most hits to your profile and then you weed out based on personality or start selective from the beginning?

YOU need to like someone, YOU need to be choosy, YOU have to have NEEDS met. Don't sell yourself short and make it all about the other person. Sure, it limits the pool both for you and others but do you really want your next thread to be, “he's a really great guy, BUT he won't…?”

I really wish the best for you and hope you find someone who loves you for who you are and treats you with respect and kindness.

[LateBloomer]

Thanks Azulai, you make some good points.

So far, I'm in favor of deleting that part. And yeah, I did write quite a bit about what who I am and what I'm looking for.

[pellaz]

keep options open in your profile... casual, relationship, friendship.
-its nice being intimate with someone and get a education. Maybe there are parts of his life, attitudes, morals you can borrow.
-just get out there. The six degrees of separation thing; everyone knows someone.
-a date is a snapshot in time where you and this person are. Both boys need to want a relationship so a one night trick could be someone on your future marriage license.

the words "straight acting", top/ bottom... are over used. Look at other profiles and borrow the parts that make these profiles stand out for you. Make your post contain a little self discovery.

in the end its what does each boy bring to the table so the couple adds up to more than just two.

[LateBloomer]

Good advice Pellaz.

Feeling pretty good about the whole endeavor but must admit I'm a little put off with the lack of response by people I try to contact.

You know, if some guy takes the time to write me a message but he's not what I'm looking for, I still write back and thank him for his interest and politely tell him thanks, but no thanks.

A few have even written me back after that and thanked me for my honesty. That's about all I expect from anyone....much rather THAT, than to be ignored.

[Nick9]

Originally Posted by LateBloomer

You know, if some guy takes the time to write me a message but he's not what I'm looking for, I still write back and thank him for his interest and politely tell him thanks, but no thanks.

Surprisingly, many people don't know how to do it... Like they are afraid that you will bite their head off. I have never understood that either.
Don't let that discourage you