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Old 10th June 2012   #1
AeMr
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Unhappy Being gay, single, and LONELY.

I swear... I never expected to be this miserable being single. I'm just tired of it. Feeling alone, not having anyone I can run to, or who loves me. I just wanna to be happy and I am happy but I just feel like something is missing. I have a wonderful family and best friends that are absolutely amazing. Still at the end of the day I long for a relationship....

That's when being gay rears it's ugly head... being single is one thing, but being gay and single is like a double negative. Not only is it hard to find a serious committed gay person but it's practically impossible to be in a gay relationship (at least for me anyways).

I all I want is a dude to show me love and affection and that he cares, that's all I ask for... things that are so simple but yet impossible to find. At this point, it isn't even so much about being in a relationship. I just want a friend with potential (possibilities) but I can't even get that. Everything is soooo superficial in this so -called "gay community." All I ever get are either old creepy man trying to talk to me or arrogant assholes with six-packs who take you on a date and expect for you to just willing have sex with them, not to mention the ones who swear they are so different and you start liking them then they just disappear. Dinner is NOT equivalent to us fucking! NO!

This has been an everlasting cycle in my dating (if I can even call it that) life for the past year and it is really just driving me insane. Then dudes wonder why I treat them like ABSOLUTE shit, because that's what they are. I just want that one dude that can come in a change some things, that dude who says exactly how he feel, I want a dude who can at least shows me he cares... UNTIL then, I'm just gonna have to COPE with single life.
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Old 11th June 2012   #2
Bowyn Aerrow
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I think you are putting to much into the idea of relationship.

You are 19, so it is forgivable.

The problem with being alone is you do not have to be lonely being alone. Alone time - being single is a great opportunity to learn about yourself. Trust me, with only a year as an adult there is still lots and lots and lots of stuff to learn about yourself.

Yes - a lot of gay men are into the serial one night stand and other things. you can accept this and join in (play safe) or you can set your standards where you are comfortable and wait patiently.

You are alone and you think that being part of an 'us' will fix this. It won't. Sure it will feel good for a while, but if you can't be comfortable with the man in the mirror you will not be comfortable with a partner.

That "one dude" is out there. And like you he tired of the B.S. and most likely doesn't go to where the B.S. is.

find activities of mixed people (Straight and LGBT) such as hobbies like collecting stuff or hunting or hiking and join up with groups of people who meet face to face and actually do stuff. Aim for making friends. This is basically networking - you may not meet The One at that place, but your new friends will have friends and invite you to social affairs to meet new people and eventually you will run into The One.
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Old 11th June 2012   #3
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First let me say welcome .

Feeling better for getting this out?

Sweetie you are still so very young , give it time ,you will find someone worthy of your companionship.
You seem like a very intelligent young man with uncompromising standards, that is a good quality.
But you must be patient .

Being single is not a curse.
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Old 11th June 2012   #4
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I felt the same way. I got my life all worked and everything was fine. Job, school, good family, friends, I was finally happy for once in my life. But at the same time I was miserable because I wanted a relationship, it was pretty much the only thing missing in my life. On top of that I'm not just gay I'm a transsexual. And the first thing I was told by my best friend when coming out was, "No gay guy is going to want you because you're not born a dude." Well, I joined every single dating website I could possibly find..not really something I find worthy to brag about but whatever, and I planned to start being more social outside my house (I never did). And eventually I got a boyfriend, he's not even bi, he's gay. So i understand you're pain. It's hard to spend everyday with a good life but still feeling empty because you want to share it with someone. But believe me, if I can manage to find someone who would want to date me, and isn't a weirdo, you can definately do it. Just hang in there, and keep your eyes and heart open, it's difficult to wait for it to happen but you also have to do more than just wait, you gotta make sure you keep the opportunities of meeting someone open. You'll get there, it just sucks getting there. And while you're waiting focus on yourself and work things you can do to make yourself better. When you're happy with yourself and who you are people will pick up on it and be drawn to you. Not saying you're not an awesome person already ( I don't know you so I can't judge you lol) but everyone has room for improvement and the more you radiate happiness and confidence the more people will notice. So it'll not only help you find someone but it makes it easier to be by yourself during the moments you are alone which happens regardless if you're in a relationship or not. And remember, you're only 19, you've got time to be looking so don't stress about it too much.

I really didn't mean to talk that much, I just saw a lot of myself in your post and felt the need to reach out. xD
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Old 11th June 2012   #5
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I'm gonna be the jerk here.

Cry me a river...


You guys, at 19, 20 years of age, oh so lonely and bitter and cynical about dating and love...

Give me a break. Dating for ONE YEAR and can't find the love of your life. All you want is, "a dude to show me love and affection and that he cares, that's all I ask for... things that are so simple but yet impossible to find."

Simple? NO!
Impossible? NO!

But I promise you one thing. You will search far and wide for TRUE love; TRUE affection; TRUE concern.

Get used to it.

Loneliness the THE fundamental human condition. You are NOT lonely because you're gay. You're lonely because you're HUMAN and it's NORMAL.

Learn to love yourself first; take care of yourself first. Because you can't (shouldn't) be with someone else until you can be BY YOURSELF.

Good luck. You'll need it. It's a jungle out there.
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Old 11th June 2012   #6
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Relationships are not the be all and end all of life, especially when you are desperate for a relationship, that will only end in tears. You are putting pressure on yourself and when you do that you will only end up with Mr Right Now and not Mr Right.

You are also at and age where 99% of people are not ready for commitment, thats assuming you are looking for someone in your age group, and it would be another 5 years before that figure starts to dip below 99%.

At your age, I don't think it is a relationship that is missing from your life, you need to do some soul searching to discover what that is. Your life would be no different if you were straight because what you are experiencing is LIFE.
 
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Old 11th June 2012   #7
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You know what they say about putting your 'wants' ahead of you 'needs'

You want a relationship, you don't NEED a relationship
 
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Old 11th June 2012   #8
monk
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This is a message from a "creepy old man"


Quote:
Originally Posted by AeMr View Post
. . . Then dudes wonder why I treat them like ABSOLUTE shit, because that's what they are.

Carry on like that and you'll be single for a long time.



*hobbles back to the maximum-security twilight home*
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Old 11th June 2012   #9
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Hey

I totally get how you feel. But I want you to think about this - why do you need someone to make you happy? Aren't relationships about sharing your life, your happiness? It is not easy to learn being happy and single. But once you do, not only life is great but also the right guy will come along and you will be able to have a great relationship.

Otherwise, there's just two unhappy guys who meet each other, expecting that the new relationship will bring happiness to them both. Trust me, it won't work.

So, try to focus on yourself. Don't let the bad thoughts get you. If you do end up thinking about having someone, think of it as something that is going to happen. Instead of something that you don't have. (does this make sense?)

I hope you don't think that we're too harsh on you here. It is completely ok feeling lonely and being a bit confused, annoyed and, well, desperate. I hope that talking about this here does make you feel slightly better
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Old 11th June 2012   #10
AeMr
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Wow... I love some of the post so far. It's good to several other people's perspectives. I can see where a lot of you are coming from. And in a way I do feel that even if I was to be put in a relationship I would stray away. I do feel like it is sometimes the idea of being single that bothers me, not having someone at my beck and call. But I don't know, it's not that I can't much find someone. I just can't find the someone for me. Anyone can have somebody, but not that doesn't mean they should be together. I need that someone for me, but I haven't find him YET... and I am young when you think about it.
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Old 11th June 2012   #11
AeMr
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bowyn Aerrow View Post
I think you are putting to much into the idea of relationship.

You are 19, so it is forgivable.

The problem with being alone is you do not have to be lonely being alone. Alone time - being single is a great opportunity to learn about yourself. Trust me, with only a year as an adult there is still lots and lots and lots of stuff to learn about yourself.

Yes - a lot of gay men are into the serial one night stand and other things. you can accept this and join in (play safe) or you can set your standards where you are comfortable and wait patiently.

You are alone and you think that being part of an 'us' will fix this. It won't. Sure it will feel good for a while, but if you can't be comfortable with the man in the mirror you will not be comfortable with a partner.

That "one dude" is out there. And like you he tired of the B.S. and most likely doesn't go to where the B.S. is.

find activities of mixed people (Straight and LGBT) such as hobbies like collecting stuff or hunting or hiking and join up with groups of people who meet face to face and actually do stuff. Aim for making friends. This is basically networking - you may not meet The One at that place, but your new friends will have friends and invite you to social affairs to meet new people and eventually you will run into The One.
WOW... I love what you just said. I always say that to dudes. That they like the idea of having me around rather than actually being with me.
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Old 12th June 2012   #12
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Gotta agree with Mr. Monk here

You're understandably frustrated, I know...it does suck being alone when it seems everyone else has found their soul mate.....but is being needlessly cruel to others the way to solve your problem?

Don't stoop to the jerks' level by doling out bitterness and antagonism as retaliation for how other sad people have treated you...you seem like a much better man than letting yourself be eaten away by cynicism and misanthropy.

I am a firm believer that there are karmic forces in this cosmos that give us what we put out into the world...if you go through life feeling spiteful and jaded, its going to come back to bite you in the proverbial nether regions.

Go out there with a sense of pride in yourself....know that you deserve a good guy to settle down with, feel it in the very marrow of your bones..project a sense of contentment with the world and to hell with what other people think. Who cares if an elderly man or buff meathead talks to you? If you're not interested in them, politely tell them so and keep them at arm's length....but don't resort to cruelty as some sort of vendetta against the dating world...you'll only end up more alone than you feel now.

Good luck friend....I hope you find the right guy for you soon
 
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Old 12th June 2012   #13
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"Who cares if an elderly man talks to you?"


And I was going to propose, too . . .

*sigh*
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Old 12th June 2012   #14
sonofthemanse
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We're completely in the same boat! I'm starting university at the end of this year, so I'm telling myself that someone amazing will whisk me off my feet although I have no idea if that will actually happen. I'm perfectly happy being single because before I 'came out' I spent a good 7 years deep in the closet, having consigned myself to being celibate for life. At the moment, it's tough as I'm the only gay virgin I know - call it peer pressure if you want, although nobody's forcing me. Just hang on in there! The longer you wait for Mr Right, the more amazing spending time with him will be.
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Old 12th June 2012   #15
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sonofthemanse View Post
We're completely in the same boat! I'm starting university at the end of this year, so I'm telling myself that someone amazing will whisk me off my feet although I have no idea if that will actually happen. I'm perfectly happy being single because before I 'came out' I spent a good 7 years deep in the closet, having consigned myself to being celibate for life. At the moment, it's tough as I'm the only gay virgin I know - call it peer pressure if you want, although nobody's forcing me. Just hang on in there! The longer you wait for Mr Right, the more amazing spending time with him will be.
Take it from a Late Bloomer. There's a lot of truth in that last sentence.



It's better to wait.
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