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Actual thread : Sexless Relationship
#11
Your 19 and he's 42.

That is a pretty big difference in sex drive(s). Your still flowing with hormones and he is on the slow decline of Testosterone. After age 30 the T levels start to drop. This is a natural biological process, usually slow and steady. There is a reduction in blood levels of total testosterone at a rate of about 1 percent per year after the age of 30 years. That means he has lost about 12% of the testosterone by this time. While that may not seem like much, understand that when men have children, their levels drop about 10% and that is all it takes to keep them from being all roaming around looking for another mate.

And he is over 40 which means he doesn't have the energy levels you do. Around age 35 we discover that males tend to start to slow down, those late nights up drinking and partying are not easy to recover from when we were 25, being able to pull all nighter cramming sessions give way to a more serious need for sleep (rest) in order to function the next day.

Again, its a gradual decline, one that he most likely doesn't notice and think about until he sits there and starts to recall the good old days of college or when he was in his 20's.

So he might actually be that tired come evening to where he does want to put it off until morning, then you all wake up not early enough and there is the day at the grindstone or whatever.

No he most likely doesn't want to talk about it. Men are terrified of their penises and don't want to talk about them when they ain't working as the man thinks it should be. As Iceblink said above.

There is no solution as long as the old man doesn't want to do serious talking about the sexual situation.

Sorry about that.
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#12
Thanks guys It's made me look at the situation much more positively.

I think what [MENTION=20947]MikeW[/MENTION] said about "Asking him directly, what WE can do to make this work" is a really good idea and I think is a step in the right direction.

If its something medical and he literally just doesn't feel like having sex at all - then I am OK, with that.. Its just a confusing time when I don't know for certain if this is the case.

Sometimes I do question whether he is having sex outside the relationship and when we argued I did give him to opportunity to have an 'open relationship' thinking at the the time that was what he wanted and he said that he would never want that - Whether I should have said that I don't know but I don't think he took it seriously and knew I was saying whilst upset.

I will keep you guys up to date with the situation, once I bring it up with him.

Thanks again guys
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#13
Being in my 40s and being tired, sometimes depressed, frequently stressed out, I can tell you that I am not always ready for gymnastics by the end of the day. And anxiety about it is certainly not going to help. But even when I'm not up to the job I do my best to make sure my dude gets what he needs and -- no matter how tired we both get (because TBH I'm the older one and still probably in the mood more) -- he still knows I love him and find him attractive.
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#14
Just an update and a bit of a rant to get it off my chest.
So tonight he was meant to come back home for the evening after an event he had been to (9pmish), but yesterday he mentioned that he may have a meeting @10am at work the next morning and was going to see if he could postpone it for a bit later - it takes him an hour to get to work - and he said that if he couldn't change it he would be getting a hotel and staying near work for the night to save him travelling back late to go back out the next morning. Anyway, today he was super nice on whatsapp all day and I instantly knew that he was going to be staying at this 'hotel' tonight, to which earlier this evening he said he would be.
To make it worse and me worry more, He has been acting strange tonight. He rang me on the way to the hotel, talking normally and saying goodnight over the phone now instead of later, but before he hung up he out of the blue told me AGAIN that he was "On his way to the hotel now". He 'went to bed' incredibly early and said goodnight on whatsapp at about 10pm - in previous times he has refused to go to bed this early because he 'can't sleep unless its late'. Now at this point I'm sitting at home worrying about what could be happening because of his out-of-character behaviour all day.
To top it off now, at 11:45pm tonight now, he has whatsapp'd me again to say he had just got up for pee, "Sorry, I nodded off" and goodnight and that he loves me and he will see me on Thursday now - When at times at home when he gets up for a pee he never checks his phone.

Am I being paranoid now or does something seem up? Im also in a tough situation in actually bringing it up, because after the last time I asked if he was cheating or not he said if this conversation comes up again then we will no longer have a relationship..

Any advice on this one?
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#15
Give him space, willrugby! Who knows whether or not something is up...based on your detailed summary there it's definitely possible, but we can't know wh ether or not anything irregular is happening from this alone. Best thing for you to do is relax and wait until you see him again. Clearly any sort of accusation would bother him, so that won't do any good.

Relax and give him some space is my best advice.
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#16
You don't trust him. You can't talk to him about it. These are two very unhealthy aspects of your relationship.

You should be able to talk to him about anything. If stating your truth is the end of the relationship, then so be it; at least you stayed honest on what's up for you.

As for your detailed account of his day and his texts, no stranger on the internet really knows whether he is doing this to deceive you or doing this so you feel safe that he isn't deceiving you. Getting a bunch of perspectives might not help you here.

The lack of sex with you or even a huge amount of sex with you is no indicator that a BF is cheating. Trust is the issue.

Do you have a friend you can talk to about this? Someone who knows your BF? Maybe you can talk to this person about your concerns.
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