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Advice about comming out?
#1
How will I really get the confidence to actually come out? Any tips? How did you manage to came out? What were your struggle? My family is very different, my mother is very liberal and hippie'ish, while my father always have been ratter disciplined, although I've never heard any gay bashing from him but he think a man gotta be a man, like a woman gotta be a woman. My brother on the other hand is ratter homophobic, and so many of my friend.
Sometimes you need a bit of chaos in your life to be able to shrug off pitiful disdain about something meaningless.
#2
First off try to find some people that you know that you can come out to, maybe a new friend and then as you grow with the comfort of that then you can start thinking about family. Most of all there really is no hurry to come out to everyone just be true to yourself first. and go from there.
#3
dlboy53 Wrote:First off try to find some people that you know that you can come out to, maybe a new friend and then as you grow with the comfort of that then you can start thinking about family. Most of all there really is no hurry to come out to everyone just be true to yourself first. and go from there.

I agree with that actually and coming out to close friends also is a great place to start. I was lucky in that sense as all my closest friends turned out to be gay too. My parents and brother was a different story though. When my parents found out they actually threw me out! When I returned home a few days later to collect my belongings, my parents offered to take me back if I didn't mention it again and didn't invite my friends around any more. I refused to live under their terms, packed up my stuff and left.

Within a week, my mother phoned me in work and invited me around for a meal. That was the turning point and I rebuilt my relationship with my parents from there. Sorry, if this sounds a little scary and that really was a worst case scenario. However, it did teach me to trust my own instincts more and it was a character building experience.
#4
I came out to my friends years ago even though some of them had been a little homophobic in the past, and yet for some reason I just can't seem to be able to tell my parents even though I know they wouldn't have a problem with it. I can't help you with the family thing but I will say that being honest and open with friends is the most amazing thing and worth it even if their reaction is bad, it's like you can just relax and be yourself finally, and I'm sure that feeling will be even stronger when being honest with family and totally worth all the awkward moments in the world. still it's extremely hard to say it to them and I don't know why. Good luck!
#5
you dont have to tell them and because youre depression maybe the worst time to do that
#6
i mean you dont have to
#7
i hope this helps but its your decision and there is no rush unless you make it that way.

Zet Wrote:... my mother is very liberal and hippie'ish
my father always have been ratter disciplined, never gay bashing from him but he think a man gotta be a man, like a woman gotta be a woman
My brother on the other hand is ratter homophobic
many of my friend.
-lots of people come out to their mothers before their father. your parents might feel un comfortable keeping secrets from each other. You might talk to her first than the same day your dad.
-your dad should be made to know you are still the same person even tho you are out to him. You might begin the conversation with him; review your aspirations. Not a lot of information here but maybe a good way to start. You being gay dosnt necessary define you at school or work. It defines your sexual preference, which is none of his business but you would like to know his support is there if you need it.
-Your brother ... most homophobic boys are unsure about their sexuality. Maybe you coming out will be something of role model but not any immediate good news for you. Suggestion; you might have this conversation with him while you are driving and he is the passenger. You appear in control of the conversation. Your mother could help here too.
-If your friends are unwilling to support/ accept you they are not friends. Before you come out look for a new support group. Slowly divest your self of the current crowd, so you not left hanging.

Most parents and people close to you may already know more than you think. Your parents compare you to brother. Your brother and friends compare too.
In some ways its un fair not letting these people not know who you are.
A supportive house hold can give you lots more strength in your life. These things are good but you dont have to come out right now.
#8
you dont have to tell them now , and because of

youre depression maybe the worst time to do that

i cant type anymore or read correctly

wait till your 26
#9
I guess... But its hard to cope with depression, I need a change but what? (Lol I hate sounding like a broken record). Thanks a lot for everyones advise although Smile
Sometimes you need a bit of chaos in your life to be able to shrug off pitiful disdain about something meaningless.
#10
Zet Wrote:I need a change but what?
change:
-this weekend go to the city for a afternoon theater show. Nothing too expensive so a local production would work. Do something outside your family and friends. Maybe a movie, etc...
-try out a gym near your home. Just try it for one or two secession, if your not already doing this. Go for a run. Just by your self tho.
-Take on a small project you might like to do.


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