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Astrology for Gay
#1
the article By Jill Dearman




Aries (March 21 - April 20)

Element: Fire
Mode: Cardinal
Ruling Planet: Mars
Erogenous Zone: Head, face
Best Traits: Brave, thoroughly unjaded, energetic
Worst Traits: Oblivious, dominating (see caveman), dangerously impulsive

In Life:
The Aries gay man is a primal force. He is strong and butch, even when he's wearing a skirt, and rarely has an indecisive moment. Even the softer ones are real "daddies" on the inside. He must feel like the master of his own destiny at all times and cannot even bear to admit to himself if he feels clueless. It's not that he's a control queen (see Capricorn for that), it's just that the darling boy loves to be in charge. He needs to be his own boss first, and then he can boss you around. And he will, honey.

Mr. Aries could be any member of the Village People... the cop, the cowboy, the construction worker. He loves to play roles, and the more obvious the better. Subtlety is not exactly one of his strong points...in fact, come to think of it, he possesses none! What he does have a lot of is heart and honesty. He really hates to lie and does it so poorly that he knows it's not even worth the effort. Although on occasion he may tell you how beautiful that cockring looks with that string of faux pearls, just to make you happy and to get you on your back that much faster.

And speaking of faster, pussycat, this man is a veritable speed machine. He goes through life at 150 miles an hour, and he is just as fast and furious in bed. (So that the fast part doesn't frustrate you, you had better get in charge of the foreplay department.)

On the outside, Mr. Aires may seem egotistical and vain, and certainly self-centered, but, you know, he is really a lot more than that. If we were all as up-front about what we want and how we feel, there would be a lot less war and misery in the world and a lot less cattiness in our own little gay ghetto. So take a lesson from him. He is who he is and does not pretend to be anyone else. He 'fesses up to his own shit, and that's what makes him braver than most. He also has high expectations of himself, and if he doesn't let you into his psyche that easily, it might be because he is still trying to prove himself to himself. He may have a big ego, but he is by no means smug.

This man is a true innocent in the world and wants to make his own way on his own terms, without having to lie, cheat, or steal to get to the top. But get to the top he will, because he is a true individual and a real risk-taker, in the best possible sense. He's a rare breed, and he knows it.

Taurus (April 21-May 20)

Element: Earth
Mode: Fixed
Ruling Planet: Venus
Erogenous Zone: Neck
Best Traits: Sensual, strong, and steady
Worst Traits: Stubborn, stupid, and a slave to the TV

In Life:
The Taurus gay man is a powerful force to reckon with. He is ruled by loving and gentle Venus and probably has a mellow, quiet manner. You may recognize him by his slow, sexy voice. Almost all of these men are closet singers or musicians (the more confident ones share their talents with the world.) Mr. Taurus is artistic, sexy, and obsessed with security. This man simply must have some money tucked away in the bank (or in his lingerie drawer) in order to feel at peace with himself and the world.

He is an earth sign after all, so he can't help but realize on the most primal level that we are living in a material world, and he is a material girl. Most of these boys do have good jobs, or at least possess the ability to make a lot of dough if they want to. They can be lazy though. The most typical Taurus gay man works superhard to make lots of money so that he can later achieve the freedom and time to do absolutely nothing. Later may mean different things to different Tauruses. Your Taurus may come home and night and watch TV as if it were a religious calling. Or he may go out and enjoy the sensual delights the world has to offer... good food, good sex... always keeping in mind his dream to one day be able to sit on his butt and not have to answer to anybody.

Although he possesses incredibly refined tastes (I could write a whole chapter on his taste buds), at heart he has simple needs. Unlike his Leo brothers who really desire the good life or his Gemini brothers who need constant entertainment, Mr. Taurus can do just fine with a simple meal (which includes potatoes -- his mother's milk substitute) and a bed with either a good book on his pillow or a remote control. He is self-sufficient and can take care of himself without bothering anybody. Once he is in a place in life (emotionally and practically) to do what he really wants to do, he will probably be happiest working in a field that brings his artistic talents and his smart business sense together. And then he can really feel free to enjoy himself, and all the treats the world has to offer.

Gemini (May 21-June 21)

Element: Air
Mode: Mutable
Ruling Planet: Mercury
Erogenous Zones: Hands, arms
Best Traits: Curious, clever, adaptable
Worst Traits: Shallow, sarcastic, cold

In Life:
The Gemini gay man is tremendous fun to be around. He's read every book and magazine article and seen every movie and exhibit there is to see. And even if he hasn't, he can easily make cocktail-party chat about them for hours. The Gemini man is basically good-natured and just wants to have fun (like his female Gemini counterpart Cyndi Lauper). Is that such a crime?

Mr. Gemini has a quick mind... and I'm talking superquick. Unlike Mr. Leo, who is just waiting for you to shut up so that he can say what he wants to say, or Mr. Aries, who will abruptly cut you off, Mr. Gemini will simply tune out and go into his much more scintillating head, if you start to bore him. And the young chap simply detests being bored or understimulated.

Because he is so clever, you may find him working in a profession that demands strong writing and/or communicating abilities. Hopefully he has a job that is in no way monotonous. You see, if gets to flit from interest to interest and project to project daily, he is probably a happy Gemini. If he is stuck in a rut in his life, you may find him depressed and depressing to be around. When he feels trapped, he can be downright mean!

Mr. Gemini probably discovered his nature early in life and has found ways to keep himself happily busy (and he can never be too busy). He probably reads all the time, and his tastes are no doubt eclectic. He can swing from "Betty and Veronica" to Proust in the blink of his blank "Little Orphan Annie" eye. He is so much more facile than everyone else that after a while he is sure to bore himself!

This man needs people, and he needs 'em bad. Being born under a mutable sign, he is extremely adaptable. In fact, he's quite the chameleon. He tends to get involved in the interests of his friends, lovers, and colleagues (and his family if he's really desperate...he's known them so long they really bore him.) He is no snob, mind you. Just as he can go from reading or seeing trash culture to putting on a tux and acting like the stuffiest patron of the arts, he also loves to get a taste of different kinds of people. But the main thing he looks for is humor. He can dig the witty side out of the most seemingly tedious individual. That's what makes him so charming, and so lovable.

You see, even thought he above description may sound like the thumbnail sketch of a shallow man (and he'd be the first to stand up and scream, "I'm just a big ball of fluff!"), he actually possesses a bigger heart than you might imagine. Mr. Gemini is the most open person in the zodiac. He can talk to anyone and relishes the opportunity to hear anyone's opinion. He challenges himself daily, though, and expects others to do the same. He doesn't even realize how inspiring he is.

Cancer (June 22-July 22)

Element: Water
Mode: Cardinal
Ruling Planet: Moon
Erogenous Zone: Chest
Best Traits: Loving, sensitive, affectionate
Worst Traits: Clingy, manipulative, guilt-inducing

In Life:
Most gay men are looking for a daddy. But how many are looking for a mommy? A lot, actually. And that's why the Cancer man is so in demand when it comes to romance. Of course he can't always see it that way. He's earned his moody reputation, but his Norma Desmond-esque mood swings are actually quite natural, when you think about it. You see, Mr. Cancer is ruled by the moon, which changes signs approximately every two days... that's a lot quicker than any other planet out there. And with each sign change, you will see a different side of the Cancer guy. He can be a morose drunk, a brilliant artist, a savvy workaholic businessman, a hot lover, a nagging mother, and more...all in just a fortnight! Sound scary? Actually, it's not. If you are around him long enough (like, say, two months if you're very observant, and a lot more if you possess only average powers of perception), you will begin to see and understand the rhythm and mysterious but comforting predictability of his moods. Of course, you may feel as if you are dealing with a pregnant woman whose hormones are out of whack, but f you have a few mother issues of your own (you know he's got plenty), you should be rather turned on by the whole Cancer experience.

Mr. Cancer's wacky moods may at times convince you that he's emotionally unstable or, to put it mildly, completely off his rocker. In reality, he is just moody. Supermoody. But that doesn't mean he isn't incredibly steady and capable in his dealings outside the home. He is security-minded and probably has a nice, stable job. Even if he works in a traditionally unstable field such as entertainment or organized crime, he will still make his own regular and predictable routine.

If you are dating him, you will see that he immediately gravitates toward rituals: watch on old Rock Hudson or Tony Perkins movie on Wednesday nights; have sex by candlelight in the bathtub at midnight on Fridays, etc. He's sort of like an animal that way. He likes his rituals and he likes to possess the things and people he needs and desires.

Yes, he's clingy, but most people crave such clinginess. When he's holding you in his arms late at night and reassuring you that everything will be all right, you will feel just like Monty Clift did when Liz Taylor looked into his eyes and said, "Tell, Mama," in A Place in the Sun. Yes, when the sun rises and the world is less scary, you may think, "I don't need this. I can do okay on my own," but even you will know that you're fooling yourself.

Everyone should experience the crazy romantic foolishness of a Cancer at least once in his life -- especially if you're a gay man (and if you're not, why are you reading this book? Put it down and run screaming out of the room!) And if you're lucky, you'll hold on to this howling-at-the-moon-crazy Cancer queen for life.

Leo (July 23-August 22)

Element: Fire
Mode: Fixed
Ruling Planet: Sun
Erogenous Zone: Back
Best Traits: Loyal, loving, good leader
Worst Traits: Bossy, pompous, vain

In Life:
Gay Leo men simply adore being Leos. They equate their Sun sign with grandeur, glamour, and gorgeousness. And they are right. Leo men lead their lives with a certain pizzazz. They are all movie stars on the inside, and most of the show it by the way they accessorize on the outside. They're all incredibly vain, which can be annoying at times, but endearing, too. After all, they want to make the world a more beautiful place. And if they have to buy themselves expensive jewels or hairdos to do so, so be it. If it was good enough for their heroine, the late, lovely Jackie O, then it's good enough for them.

In their careers, they tend to gravitate in two directions: the arts or big business. If they are the business type, you can bet that they are either in charge or on their way to being in charge. These cats don't like to take orders from anyone. Mr. Leo can be surprisingly conservative in business. He knows how to work from within the system and is the ultimate insider (like that famous gay America president Bill Clinton. You knew he was gay, but did you know he was a Leo? Kisses to Hillary! -- JD). He hates to rush, so he doesn't mind gradually working his way up to the top, but with his charisma, chances are he'll get there fast.

If he's an artistic Leo, you won't find him slaving away alone in his garret. No, this boy needs attention and lots of it. He can't live without a constant high dosage of adoration. A compliment makes him come to life. And if you adore his art, he knows that means you adore him. Of all the arts, acting is the one that he is the most gifted at. He is a natural performer and can rope in an audience with his divine sense of timing and people pleasing. Of course, even if he practices a craft that has nothing to do with the stage or screen, he will somehow manage to grab the limelight. (See Warhol, Andy, another famous Leo.)

The Leo gay man also possesses a great integrity and honesty. He needs to live his life in a way that he deems moral and proper. That doesn't mean he has anything against prostitutes or drunks. He has compassion and love for all. But at some point in his life, he will face himself and his own shortcomings and have to make some serious choices about how he wants to lead his life. He may be a materialistic whore, but he is an honest one.

Virgo (August 23-September 22)

Element: Earth
Mode: Mutable
Ruling Planet: Mercury
Erogenous Zone: Stomach
Best Traits: Thoughtful, clever, industrious
Worst Traits: Anal retentive, petty, cheap

In Life:
Virgo gay men are quirky and unique. It's hard to generalize about them because the substance of their souls are so different. These boys, as a whole, though, tend to be sweet, gentle, and thoughtful, with a pronounced nervous streak. Virgo is a "feminine" sign (as the other earth signs, and the water signs.) This man doesn't have to wear a wig to know that he is just a soft, sensitive creature on the inside. Most of them emphasize some part of their personality or add something to their physical appearance to make them seem more manly, but it always seems just a little forced. Which isn't to say that he lacks true masculinity. He I just so evolved in his manhood that he is a little bit closer to the female experience than most men. This is why he has so many (biologically female) girlfriends.

Mr. Virgo prays to the God of work. He loves a project! And he loves to worry... especially about the details. He is an odd combination of the earth influence and the air sign influence of Mercury (Virgo's ruling planet.) He sits on the fence between the physical world and the mental plane.

These men are incredibly bright and sensitive. He's really more of an escapee from a Victorian novel than he lets on. Even when they've been married for years, these guys still feel like humble spinsters on the inside. And humble he is. Some overcompensate, but all really believe they are "not worthy" of the grandiose things in life: you know, like love and happiness.

He is quite adept at language and is apt to work in a field that allows him to use his mind and his strong critical abilities. Virgo gay men also make good performers and editors (details, darling!) He must be happy in his work or he can't be happy in his life. He likes to feel a sense of purpose, and when he is appreciated by his boss and peers, he is at his best. The dear boy is hard on himself, and even when everyone tells him, "You're brilliant," and "Your work is incredible," he will still say, "Oh, no, it's terrible," and pick it apart in minute detail. So you could imagine what he's like when he's working for someone who is never satisfied. He becomes a martyr and is absolutely no fun to be around.

Virgo men are often typecast as "clean freaks," "workaholics," and "nuts." He may be all of the above or he may be just the opposite. This man is prone to extremes.

Always remember that his greatest asset and his biggest Achilles' heel is his critical prowess. He may criticize the feng shui of your apartment, your use of syntax, and your homemade pasta, but it is only because he wants to help. You've no doubt heard what a perfectionist he is, and it's true. He believes life is a process... the process of making the world as clean and perfect and pure as his astrological symbol... the virgin... Mary!
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