Bitterness

[DtotheJtotheM]

This is more of an evaluation of my current life, but I've become a total slut trying to fill the space of an ex, and seem to have changed into a bitter and imperious person, I don't like the person I've become, I'm slowly slipping back into the clinics depression I bouted before I even met my ex, and people are starting to hate me. And when I say slut, I mean slutty mcslut-slut. .___.

[zeon]

Hiya babes,
I can understand where your coming from... Inside where you got used to a relationship the feelings have got out of control... Being a slut isnt anything bad as long as your doing it for yourself and your own enjoyment babes... Dont do it to just beat yourself up and abuse yourself.. When i split with my ex in scotland i was 800 miles from home with no money no value and nothing and cracked and started self harming.. Being a slut and turning nasty is where your pushing people away.. Maybe visit www.studentcenter.org and create an online journal... Write your thoughts and feelings on there... I created one when i split with my ex to help me heal my inner self by unleashing LOADS of thoughts and feelings.. To view them look up the journal by zexer Your find on there that it is my journey to how i climbed out of your boat and onto the land..,.. So to speak..
You may also want to stick some headphones on and log onto youtube. Type in Sacred spirit Yeha Noha and listen to a few of their tracks... Whilst listening relax, close your eyes and cross both your hands with your fingers amongst one another and lay there only to open to click on a new song... Dont think about anything for a few tracks leave your mind completely blank and after the 5th song begin thinking about anything you want out.. What your doing by this is cleaning yourself out to start with of all emotion so you become emotionless and then when your thinking about your thoughts your doing it on a clear mind... The answers to our lives lie within us all...

If you want to talk or vent anything out babes shout in my inbox as im a natural agony aunt and would offer help to anyone on GS :-)

Kindest regards wee one

zeon xx*hugz*

[fjp999]

[COLOR="Purple"]DJM, it has been such a great pleasure having you join GS. In the short time you started posting I feel you have added so much to this site. I just wanted to first thank you for being such an amazing human. I see great things for you in the future.

I also feel that you are a highly intelligent young man with an amazing amount of passion and insite into your emotions.

I did not come out until uni, I had my first sexual experience at 21. I had plenty of crushes but never an ex until I was much older than you. Actually I have not had a real ex as I have kept friendships with just about every long term partner... Last year someone came into my life. It was very unexpected. I fought is for some time but finally allowed things to happen. At 46 I experienced the highest of highs and then something changed and I was put thru the lowest of lows.

I have written about the first part and was just given permission to write about the other part... I am not sure if or when I will write about that part but just to let you know, and I have written in some of your poems, you have seemingly gone thru some of the lows I have reached and it is a very difficult place.

Without the help of some friends (99% online) I know that I would not be here today... I am still not healed and doubt that I will ever fully heal but I am trying and am always asking for help from others. Just not sure how you get hurt out of your cells.

I wouldnt be bothered by your slutiness. It may be what you need at this time. Or if it is turning you into something you are not pleased with then you need to find another outlet.

What does concern me is your self diagnosis of clinical depression. As you have already suffered from it in the past I am assuming your are correct in your diagnosis but are you seeing a Psychiatrist? I would hate to suggest AntiDepressants as they can be a horrible thing but when I was clinically depressed/suicidal a number of years ago I was pretty glad that they helped me stay alive. I would be very quick to make an appointment with a Psychiatrist especially if you are self harming or thinking of suicide. It would truly be tragic to loose such a one as yourself.

I think it was in your BDay thread that I wondered if you would treat us with some positive peotry... I know it may be difficult to see the positive in life just now and it may be exhausting to put on that show but please try. I have always lived as an Optimistic Realist and most def suggest one try to do the same.

Best of luck my young friend. If there is anything I can help you with please do not hesitate to talk it out with me. I may not have the answers even for myself but sometimes it does help to know that you have many here that have a shoulder and an ear.[/COLOR]

[sox-and-the-city]

This is more of an evaluation of my current life, but I've become a total slut trying to fill the space of an ex, and seem to have changed into a bitter and imperious person, I don't like the person I've become, I'm slowly slipping back into the clinics depression I bouted before I even met my ex, and people are starting to hate me. And when I say slut, I mean slutty mcslut-slut. .___.

Right. *claps hands together, Mary Poppins stylee*

Let's break down what you're saying bit by bit, and see what we find. Auntie Nick's here to work his crazy magic...

So, in an evaluation of your current life, you've decided you're a slut. So when you say your current life, what do you mean?? Is it actually in your day to day interactions, or is it more secretive, like DJM after dark kinda thing?? I only ask because the way i see it, if you're calling yourself a slut it's not because you actually are one but because you think there's something not right in the way you go about things. Now how many men have you actually slept with recently?? How many of them have been in public?? How many times have you been caught?? How many people know about that?? Have you got yourself a reputation??

I had a pretty slutty reputation for several years, most of them while i was at school. There were all kindsa rumours that went around about me getting into strange men's vans for sex and all sorts. They didn't really bother me though because a) people mostly didn't believe them and b) they were almost all true. Unless you too are seducing the gas man and having sex with the guy who repaired the alarm at your work-experience place i really think you have nothing to worry about in the slut stakes.

If you're having lots of sex and feel that this isn't fulfilling then you need to ask yourself what it is you're craving. You say you're filling the gap left by an ex. Do you perhaps feel that you're replacing the emotional connection you had with this guy with sex?? Maybe you could try not having sex for awhile and see what happens??

The thing is, you're never gonna be happy in life or in love until you realise that you need only yourself to achieve this. I know it sounds horrible reading, and i'm not dismissing what you're going through, if it's anything like how you make it sound then in one way or another i've been there enough times, but you need to take this time to be by yourself and to start the moving on process. Take time to mourn what you miss and learn the lessons from it. Then bury it as best you can and start looking forwards. I know it feels like you're gonna be feeling this way forever, and i know i've said that in the past but eventually you can and do change, it might not happen immediately and you probably won't realise it for quite a while until after you've totally changed but it will happen. In the meantime it's always good to buys yourself with other things.

You write very earnest and emotional poetry, and you're more than prolific, take heart in knowing what creative fruits your current emotions bear. Write down what you feel, i know it helps me when i do, but try also to write with finality, and feel the negatives flowing onto the page out of your system.

Also try busying yourself with other things, seeing friends and doing things you enjoy. You could also try to start something meditative, which can build a pool of inner calm inside you to draw on when you're feeling low. Personally i choose yoga. Tis amazing is what tis.

Please try to remember that feeling negative about the way you are feeling and the person you percieve yourself to have become is not gonna help you. You need to start looking for the positives in what you do and who you are. Instead of 'i am bitter,' think 'i have an amazing opportunity to be proven wrong and find good in things.' I'm not saying you have to walk around blithely spouting rainbows and gumdrops everywhere but a slightly sunshinier take on things can work wonders. As for your clinical depression, with time and help you CAN beat it, or at least make it manageable. But if you feel yourself going that way again then you need to see someone who can help about it.

From one depression-ridden soul to another.

xxx

[marshlander]

Sorry you are feeling this way, David. Isn't it part of being 16 though that we feel everything's horrible ... maybe that was just me!

Good advice above. At your age you also have a bit of an advantage (though I really understand if and why it doesn't feel like one) of being at school. You have other stuff going on in your life to which you have to give some attention. You don't have to search for something too hard if it's already there ... although you may just have to look a little more carefully.

Try not to hurt yourself and do get professional help if you need it. How are things at home?

[XRIMO]

You are an extremely expressive young man and it is terrible that you feel you depressed. But you should find someone you trust (a teacher, a friend, a parent) and tell them how you feel. Perhaps rather than focusing on the negative aspects, try to find the positive parts of your life. I think I said it in another thread somewhere here, its always so much easier for humans to acknowledge the bad feelings than it is to acknowledge the good ones. I think its because we don't want our good emotions to be trampled on. But you must have the confidence and courage to smile and find the happiness you so deserve.

[marshlander]

... Perhaps rather than focusing on the negative aspects, try to find the positive parts of your life ... But you must have the confidence and courage to smile and find the happiness you so deserve.

Unfortunately, depression is not always so forgiving as to allow the sufferer to take such a route. :frown:

[Woolfe]

Thoroughly agree with the advice given already (kudos guys, you really are immense for coming through when needed most) and just to add that retaining a tiny little bit of bitterness isn't necessarily a bad thing, so long as it's constructive - insofar as it avoids oneself getting too attached too quickly. That said, bitterness is like salt (literally) insofar as too little or none is way much better than too much.

Anyways, hope things start looking up soon. mile:

Ky xx

[yar]

There is an old saying David, In order to enjoy the finer things in life we must first experience the lows. This may be true if the lows are getting the best of you and you see no way out it is time to seek someone that is qualified to help you.
You have no idea the joy you bring to this sight, you are so gifted with your heart felt words. Try looking in the mirror every morning and say I LOVE YOU to the sweet lad looking back at you, at first you may think that this is stupid but just try it .

[sweetlad86]

I thought this was about Bitter Ales oops lmao!!