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Coming out to relatives...
#11
chibigiraffe Wrote:Well, i did it. The responses were like "we love you but not the sin" stuff. One even "dared" me to go on a fast for 30 days, asking God for help. I didn't want to tell her that I wasn't a Christian anymore and I suckered into "giving God another chance". Apparently the 10+ years of praying and begging for god's help before wasn't enough for him, he needed 30 more days. I don't even know if I'm actually gonna go through with this fast.

But I feel so relieved and I'm glad to at least know where everybody stands on the ("non-" really) issue.

(((BIG HUGS)))
My parents are very religious (which can be VERY nerve racking since my dad is Catholic and my mother is Jewish), and I was literally terrified to tell them how I was feeling about my sexuality when I was your age. "Luckily", my ex-wife solved the problem of coming out to them by telling ALL of my reletives for me! What a sweetheart, right?

Anyway, all the time I was worried about it, I was most concerned about telling my father bc he has always been a very vocal person and very very homophobic. My mother on the other hand, had always been sort of an advocate for me to my dad ("He is just artistic", "He is just sensitive"ect...), so I worried less about her finding out. My sister, who is 14 years younger than myself, was never a worry, as she was a vocal as my dad and has always been very pro-gay.

Turns out that my perception of my parents was TOTALLY off. My dad, though he didn't look too happy about it, told me he loved me no matter what (which is the height of irony since he was very abusive to me as a child--he always said, after a beating, that he was just trying to "toughen me up"). My mother, however....*woof*, she LOST IT. She alternated between "You are NOT gay, you are CONFUSED", "You only feel this way because of the way your abusive wife used you", and "You just doing this to hurt ME!).

When I FINALLY convinced her that it was NOT a phase, we entered the "You are going to Hell" stage... She and I didn't speak for 3 years, until she called me in the middle of the night crying, telling me that she loved me and wanted me in her life....as long as we just didn't talk about it. I went along with this for a few years, but it just didn't work. I felt like I was back in the closet anytime I was with her or even when we were just talking on the phone. It all finally came to a head when I moved closer to my parents home and bought a house ~20 miles away. One day she came over unannounced and came face to face with my (then) boyfriend. Nothing untoward, he and I were just BBQing, but it REALLY upset her. I just told her the truth: if you cannot accept me as I am, then we really shouldn't spend anymore time together. She cried and left....but about a week later she came back over and said that she would rather accept me as a gay man than to not have me in her life at all.

Fast forward 10 years, and if you saw us all together you would think they had always been accepting. They LOVE my husband and are eagerly waiting and hoping for another grandchild (my husband and I are planning our second attempt at surrogacy in July).

I have seen, heard of, and read about coming out stories where it went WAY worse than my own, and I have seen, heard of, and read about coming out stories where it was a complete non-issue. Sadly, there is no way to know which kind of reaction you will get until you actually do it....and you cannot take it back once it is done. Never the less, coming out was undoubtedly the best thing that could have happened!

There is no greater feeling than living authentically. When you live YOUR TRUTH, then you can begin to live truthfully in all the areas of your life, and that is genuinely priceless.

Congratulations on taking this most-important-step into your future!

I wish you All the Best,
~Beaux
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#12
chibigiraffe Wrote:Well, i did it.

...

I don't even know if I'm actually gonna go through with this fast.

Congratulations.

Skip the fast.
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#13
chibigiraffe Wrote:Well, i did it. The responses were like "we love you but not the sin" stuff. One even "dared" me to go on a fast for 30 days, asking God for help. I didn't want to tell her that I wasn't a Christian anymore and I suckered into "giving God another chance". Apparently the 10+ years of praying and begging for god's help before wasn't enough for him, he needed 30 more days. I don't even know if I'm actually gonna go through with this fast.

But I feel so relieved and I'm glad to at least know where everybody stands on the ("non-" really) issue.

Congrats!!! I am sorry you have to be Bible thumped but if it gets too bad.....

Tell them that all the people who justified slavery...kept women from voting...swore interracial marriage would bring the wrath of God upon us all...claimed slavery was justified and black people were only 3/5ths of a person and "property" so it didn't matter what they did...

UH...they all had their Bibles open quoting scripture to prove all that crap....

...and so ask them...after they collectively made live hell on earth for MILLIONS of fellow human beings...beat them...killed them...tortured them...raped them...all in the name of God...

...do they think those nasty rotten misogynist racist bigots are now in heaven waiting for the people who do the same thing today to gay people?....and that they are going to join them for making other people's lives miserable in the name of God today..and if so...who the f*ck would want to spend eternity with those idiots?

If they are right..and all of these horrible human beings are now in heaven waiting for the next batch of horrible human beings to join them....their heaven sounds alot like hell to me..

No thanks!

(PS...I actually do believe in God but I am Pagan...and tend to think of God as Mother Earth instead of an imaginary sky daddy...Mother Earth/Nature...is very real...)
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#14
East Wrote:Congrats!!! I am sorry you have to be Bible thumped but if it gets too bad.....

Tell them that all the people who justified slavery...kept women from voting...swore interracial marriage would bring the wrath of God upon us all...claimed slavery was justified and black people were only 3/5ths of a person and "property" so it didn't matter what they did...

UH...they all had their Bibles open quoting scripture to prove all that crap....

...and so ask them...after they collectively made live hell on earth for MILLIONS of fellow human beings...beat them...killed them...tortured them...raped them...all in the name of God...

...do they think those nasty rotten misogynist racist bigots are now in heaven waiting for the people who do the same thing today to gay people?....and that they are going to join them for making other people's lives miserable in the name of God today..and if so...who the f*ck would want to spend eternity with those idiots?

If they are right..and all of these horrible human beings are now in heaven waiting for the next batch of horrible human beings to join them....their heaven sounds alot like hell to me..

No thanks!

(PS...I actually do believe in God but I am Pagan...and tend to think of God as Mother Earth instead of an imaginary sky daddy...Mother Earth/Nature...is very real...)

Lol, thanks! But I think my parents and family members (who are black by the way) are too far gone to listen to sound reason. They have fabricated this fantasy world in their minds. I know because I was a part of it too. But it seems that my younger cousins are ok with me coming-out and have offered their support, despite their christian beliefs. I guess they are some new breed of christian.

I also think it's cool that you are a Pagan. I was raised thinking that all other religions and denominations besides the one I was in was wrong and of the devil. But I was always intrigued by different religions and such. I don't hear a lot of Pagans in mainstream media bashing any groups of people so you're ok with me! Xyxthumbs
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#15
I am so pleased that you took the bull by the horns and just did it.

The ones who love who for everything you are will always still love you.

The ones who say they will love you 'in spite' of what you are...well you don't need to send them Xmas cards anymore, do you?
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#16
chibigiraffe Wrote:Lol, thanks! But I think my parents and family members (who are black by the way) are too far gone to listen to sound reason. They have fabricated this fantasy world in their minds. I know because I was a part of it too. But it seems that my younger cousins are ok with me coming-out and have offered their support, despite their christian beliefs. I guess they are some new breed of christian.

I also think it's cool that you are a Pagan. I was raised thinking that all other religions and denominations besides the one I was in was wrong and of the devil. But I was always intrigued by different religions and such. I don't hear a lot of Pagans in mainstream media bashing any groups of people so you're ok with me! Xyxthumbs

Well...I could write a very long response about the how the Black and Gay communities were intentionally pitted against each other but instead....how about a little music? Smile

Seriously...I do music therapy for myself...it is like a bandaid until I can get past something. Even though this is about the breakup of two lovers...I like the words and the vibe because it pretty much describes when someone you love hurts you with very little thought...

I don't know if this will help you or not...but just in case...(listening to it has helped me a lot over the years)


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#17
East Wrote:Well...I could write a very long response about the how the Black and Gay communities were intentionally pitted against each other but instead....how about a little music? Smile

Seriously...I do music therapy for myself...it is like a bandaid until I can get past something. Even though this is about the breakup of two lovers...I like the words and the vibe because it pretty much describes when someone you love hurts you with very little thought...

I don't know if this will help you or not...but just in case...(listening to it has helped me a lot over the years)



haha, thanks! music is very therapeutic for me too. i don't know what i would do without my iPod (my family is very noisy and not ashamed of it). i even have one of those "relaxing sleepy time" tracks on my iPod for when I just want to block everything out.
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