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Cousin getting married. What to do?
#1
OK so my closest cousin, actually the daughter of my mother's cousin is getting married to her fiancé in California. She is the only member of my extended family that I get along well with, we always exchange Emails and phone calls.
My extended family isn't very nice to me, they always say bad things about me and my mother, who they seem to view as interconnected with me (like I'm an extension of her). My relatives are extremely jealous of my mother, for some reason that goes back far before I was born and that I never completely understood, and they do not hesitate to take this out on me. Her own uncle (another first cousin of my mother) is a well-known doctor who made a fortune by becoming one of the first HIV/AIDS specialists in the 80's, but he's in it strictly for the money and I've heard him make very homophobic comments about his gay patients. When he got married in New York, he said that if me and my family really wanted to come to the wedding we could, but we're not invited to the fancy reception in the Rainbow room because there wasn't enough room, however when I called the rainbow room they said they had enough room for many more guests. This is especially insulting because my grandmother helped pay for his medical school and he was an usher at my parents wedding.
My extended family disapproves of gay people and the only gay family member (another maternal cousin) was practically thrown out of the family, moved to Florida where he lived alone with his partner and he died of AIDS alone.
One reason I'm close with my soon to be married cousin is because she can keep things confidential and after trusting her with lesser private things , I confided in her that I was bi and she didn't give a fig and told no one.
The problem is that I have a boyfriend and if I were to go to the wedding, I'd like to take him with me as my date as these things are always nicer with a beautiful person on your arm (he certaintly fits that bill, both inside and out). But no one in my extended family (except her ) knows I'm bi, much less in a serious relationship with a man.
I don't know what to do? Do I take him with me to California and just ignore what people say? ((they hate me anyway, so now they'll just say different bad things about me) Do I go alone? Not go at all? My psychiatrist said that I need to stop worrying about what other people think and that I should take him with me, unless if I'm really uncomfortable about it then I could just go alone (though she seems to think the former is a much better idea). It would be no fun without him. I don't know what to do? I don't want to introduce him to mean people however.
An added bonus is that a really close old friend lives in LA., he's the first person I ever came out to and I'd really like to see him (he's lazy about coming to NY).
What do you think I should do?
Any ideas would be appreciated.
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#2
I would not go just cuz im lazy on the ca travel thing.
if you did nothing and stayed in NY you would save a ton of money. Enjoy the lo stress too, do something with the money you would have spent.

if you go to ca with the partner ask first (daughter of my mother's cousin) and make sure she is ok with it. look for her support during the wedding. Will your partner have fun, keep him in mind most of all.
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#3
If it were me then I just wouldn't go even if it's a close cousin, chances are your going to take a lot of crap from your extended family especially when they find out your bi. but if you do go have a back up plan to get the heck out of there quickly if the shit hits the fan.
[Image: tumblr_n60lwfr0nK1tvauwuo2_250.gif]
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#4
Hi Smile

I would talk to you cousin. It's her wedding and your relatives could spoil it for her by treating you or your boyfriend badly.
If it was me, I would go with my boyfriend, but not to the wedding itself. I would invite your cousin (and her fiancée?) to a dinner, or a coffee, give her the wedding gift and wish her all the best for her big day.
It could be nice and special day for all of you. Smile
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#5
As to your Uncle the HIV specialist, what an... IDIOT!

You want to go to support your cousin, so go, take your boyfriend and just be you, ultimately you can't choose who your family are, but your cousin is your friend and I am confident she'd want you to be there to share her happy day.
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#6
Give your cousin a call and have a lovely chat with her , tell her how much she means to you and how proud of her you are and how you wish her the best with her future husband...<---that would be the best wedding gift she could ever get, guaranteed.

Ultimately, if I were you, I wouldn't surround myself with people that didn't want me there so I personally wouldn't go to the wedding.

But that's just me Wink
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#7
I fail to see any reason to be in a place where you and your partner are not wanted.

Ultimately this is her wedding day. Brides want perfection on that day and a nasty brawl over your life on her day mayn't be her idea of 'perfect'.

It is HER day - so do whatever you need to do to make that day happy for her.
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#8
Just take him.
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#9
I was invited to a family wedding some years ago. They basically thought they could use me as a taxi to pick up other family members which would have involved a 100-mile round trip. Then they pointed out that my car would be full so there wouldn't be room for my partner of (then) 9 years. So, he wasn't invited.

Guess who didn't go? Rolleyes
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#10
monk Wrote:I was invited to a family wedding some years ago. They basically thought they could use me as a taxi to pick up other family members which would have involved a 100-mile round trip. Then they pointed out that my car would be full so there wouldn't be room for my partner of (then) 9 years. So, he wasn't invited.

unbelievable :frown:
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