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Driving my husband INSANE...
#1
Hi Guys and Gals!
Plz be warned, this may turn into a genuine rant lol.
I am going crazy and I'm dragging my husband there with me! As many of you know, I was diagnosed with ruemitoid arthritis about 6 years ago. Up until that time, I was a workaholic. I owned a resturant, a B&B, and a catering company. Unfortunately, things had gotten to the point that I just wasn't physically capable of keeping up with my businesses, so I decided to sell them and return to college. It took a few years to actually find buyers and so the first couple of years I went to school part time and still worked until I finally unloaded them all.
After I sold everything I became a full time student. I paid off my home and car and had enough money in the bank that I shouldn't have to work until I finished school. Unfortunately, around this time I was the victim of a mugging. The crack-head who robbed me hit me in the face with a golf club and stole my wallet (he was quickly apprehended, and it turns out he had JUST been released on parole for having broken a woman's collar bone with a wooden post and stealing her purse). My right eye was knocked out of it's socket and over the course of the next year and a half I had to have 6 surgeries on my eye (thank god the Victims Relief Fund paid for my medical bills--$230,000+ that I would have never been able to pay on my own).
Well, as many of my friends here remember, a couple of years ago my ex and I got back together after 8 years apart. I only had 2 semesters of school left when he asked me to move to South Carolina with him and I decided to finish college in Charleston.
Unfortunately, since our marriage isn't recognized here in South Carolina, the school said I had to sit out a year before they would accept me with out having to pay out of state tuition. I won't be able to go back until this coming summer semester at the earliest.
Meanwhile, I am going INSANE not working or going to school! My husband works for the Department of Defense and makes a very nice living, but now that we (Americans) are definitely going to go into Sequester his pay is going to go down by 1/5 for at LEAST a month (possibly more). That in and of itself wouldn't be so bad except we just paid $45,000 to a surrogacy clinic in hopes of starting a family.
I am not completely with out income, as I have several rental properties, but I only have about $800 a month coming in after taxes and expenses.
I feel terrible guilt for not working, even though my husband repeatedly tells me not to worry about it. I am not physically capable of going back into the food service industry, I cannot get a job in my field until I finish my last certification (which I can't do until I finish my last semester), and I don't know of any businesses who would hire a person who in 3 months would have to quit to go back to school.
I have never had to ask for money from my husband before and I don't like it! Should I try and get a job and just not tell them that I will be going back to school come summer? To me that seems like a lie by omission....

Any thoughts or suggestions would be greatly appreciated,
Beaux
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#2
Beaux Wrote:... I have never had to ask for money from my husband before and I don't like it! ... Beaux
he married you so you shouldn't even have to ask

Beaux Wrote:... Should I try and get a job and just not tell them that I will be going back to school come summer? To me that seems like a lie by omission ... Beaux
you live in a "right to work" state, the employer would hire you and lay you off even for 6mo, so why should you be different, its the law.


can you finish up school on-line?
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#3
I wouldn't beat yourself up too much about this. Sounds to me like you married the right guy and that you're in a very good and loving relationship.

If the tables were turned, you'd do the same for your husband. In any marriage, there will be good times and bad times. Together, you are a team and will pull through.

Wishing you the best and good luck on starting a family.
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#4
[QUOTE can you finish up school on-line?[/QUOTE]

Unfortunately, no. My degree is in Biology and I am finishing my masters in education, which requires student teaching.
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#5
you an your husband have to consider the next four years where there will be low military spending (dod cuts). there is good in having a dual income household.

teaching is location dependent
some personal due diligence is necessary; avoid the situation you decide you dont like education, jobs are not available in your area, your degree is not recognized as employable ... bla bla

cheers
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#6
seems to me you need to find something to keep yourself busy. as pellaz here said - stop finding excuses and feeling sorry for yourself and try to find stuff you CAN do.

start a website, a blog, see if your husband needs help with his stuff - things you can do at home - research...


when you get yourself active again you won't feel as guilty if your husband has to support you financially. he is aware of your situation, and will admire your efforts for making the best of it.
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#7
Sweetie marriage is a partnership 50/50.
There is nothing wrong with asking him for help.

Bighug
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#8
Hey, Beaux.
You have certainly been through a lot. It sounds like while you are physically healing you may not be as patient with yourself and your emotional healing. Sometimes life tells us what we need, and maybe you need this me-time before your family starts growing.

Job wise? Have you considered starting your own private tutoring business? You have your degree in Biology, probably some chemistry and college algebra credit, I'm thinking.

Call local schools, especially private schools in the area and set up introductory meetings with school academic counselors who would then add you to their tutor list and use the school library to tutor (only meet in public areas NOT your home). Make some business cards and bring them and your resume to the meetings. Also pin your business card up on coffee house bulletin boards and that's another place that's a good location to tutor.

My bf and I have made some pretty good cash tutoring math and the sciences. Might be something for you to consider.

Best wishes!
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#9
Can't you mug your husband?


...i really should leave the Bad Advice thread alone for a while...
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