05-07-2015, 08:58 PM
Hello guys! I probably wonât be here for a long time and usually Iâm used to solve my problems on my own, even now Iâm still not sure whether I should tell strangers whatâs happening to me. However this is something thatâs hard for me to keep to myself. I donât have that much gay men around me and I cannot tell this problem to just anyone so I joined this forum.
I had sex with my best friend and now Iâm afraid Iâll lose him. Weâre both close to our thirties and we know each other for many years. We were like brothers, going everywhere together, doing everything together. Heâs straight but when I came out to him he supported me like no one ever has. I moved to a new apartment and my friends and me, we were having a small party because of it. Of course, with booze and everything. When everybody left, my friend stayed. We drank a bit more and then we started to make out. I donât remember who made the first move, we were both drunk but still we realized what we were doing. I remember the most of it, probably not everything because we had too many drinks that night but honestly it was wonderful. I liked it a lot and I think he did too, at least during the night he kept telling me all the time how good I was and how good he felt with me. The next morning we were both quite confused because of both hangover and what happened. One moment I thought that as Iâm gay, he was going to say I took advantage of him but luckily he didnât. He was like âweâre both guilty, we were drunk, letâs just pretend that thing never happenedâ. I agreed, what else could I do. It seemed that he remembers less than I do.
However things are completely different now. More than a month is past and we havenât even had a normal, friendly chat. We could talk our hearts out before. Now itâs just some short, laconic phrases like âhiâ and âbyeâ and his answers when I ask him something. Before we used to have lunch together, lunch breaks are approximately at the same time in our jobs and we always went somewhere to have a meal. Now thereâs nothing but a bunch of excuses â heâs not hungry, heâs busy, he has a lot of work and similar, something different every day. He doesnât want to go out with me anymore. At weekends we used to go somewhere to relax and have fun, now itâs the same thing I mentioned before â excuses, excuses, millions of excuses. Just the day before that party he complained me how boring his job is and how much heâd like to quit it and now all of sudden he has so many things to do. I also know heâs lying about being all busy, because when a friend of ours was inviting all of us to her place, first he agreed to come but when he found out Iâm going to be there too, he changed his mind. Sometimes he doesnât even answer my calls and says he didnât hear his phone ringing. Well, considering the loudness of his ringtone, he must be deaf to not hear it.
He says everything is ok but I feel that Iâm losing him. If everything is ok like he says then why is he avoiding me all the time? I asked this question to him too, he says Iâm imagining things. But I can see very well that everything is completely different from what it was before. Itâs as if he was replaced by some other person, like this person is not my friend because my friend wouldnât act like that. We know each other since we were children, heâs very important to me and I cannot imagine not having him in my life. Itâs hard to believe that this one night has spoiled all the friendship we had. And I donât know, maybe he has really managed to forget what we shared but I havenât. Every day, memories of his body come back to me, I canât help it. Even though we were drunk it was still beautiful and I donât want to forget it. I know heâll never respond to me romantically as heâs straight but I donât want to erase the moments with him from my mind.
If he wanted to talk about it, Iâd be open, I'm ready to help him with everything but he always says âdude, forget it, it never happened, I donât want to talk about itâ. I even thought that maybe he doesnât want to be my friend anymore, he said â no, weâre still friends, everything is fineâ. He says it was a stupid mistake and that Iâm making problems out of nothing but I can literally see our friendship crumbling. He distances himself from me more and more everyday and Iâm afraid that one day heâll be gone forever. I donât have any clues how to restore our friendship if he insists that nothing is wrong. I know he probably feels ashamed, maybe disgusted that he went to bed with another man. If everything really was ok, if we still had normal relationships, probably I would do like he says â pretend it never happened but everything gets worse and worse.
I had sex with my best friend and now Iâm afraid Iâll lose him. Weâre both close to our thirties and we know each other for many years. We were like brothers, going everywhere together, doing everything together. Heâs straight but when I came out to him he supported me like no one ever has. I moved to a new apartment and my friends and me, we were having a small party because of it. Of course, with booze and everything. When everybody left, my friend stayed. We drank a bit more and then we started to make out. I donât remember who made the first move, we were both drunk but still we realized what we were doing. I remember the most of it, probably not everything because we had too many drinks that night but honestly it was wonderful. I liked it a lot and I think he did too, at least during the night he kept telling me all the time how good I was and how good he felt with me. The next morning we were both quite confused because of both hangover and what happened. One moment I thought that as Iâm gay, he was going to say I took advantage of him but luckily he didnât. He was like âweâre both guilty, we were drunk, letâs just pretend that thing never happenedâ. I agreed, what else could I do. It seemed that he remembers less than I do.
However things are completely different now. More than a month is past and we havenât even had a normal, friendly chat. We could talk our hearts out before. Now itâs just some short, laconic phrases like âhiâ and âbyeâ and his answers when I ask him something. Before we used to have lunch together, lunch breaks are approximately at the same time in our jobs and we always went somewhere to have a meal. Now thereâs nothing but a bunch of excuses â heâs not hungry, heâs busy, he has a lot of work and similar, something different every day. He doesnât want to go out with me anymore. At weekends we used to go somewhere to relax and have fun, now itâs the same thing I mentioned before â excuses, excuses, millions of excuses. Just the day before that party he complained me how boring his job is and how much heâd like to quit it and now all of sudden he has so many things to do. I also know heâs lying about being all busy, because when a friend of ours was inviting all of us to her place, first he agreed to come but when he found out Iâm going to be there too, he changed his mind. Sometimes he doesnât even answer my calls and says he didnât hear his phone ringing. Well, considering the loudness of his ringtone, he must be deaf to not hear it.
He says everything is ok but I feel that Iâm losing him. If everything is ok like he says then why is he avoiding me all the time? I asked this question to him too, he says Iâm imagining things. But I can see very well that everything is completely different from what it was before. Itâs as if he was replaced by some other person, like this person is not my friend because my friend wouldnât act like that. We know each other since we were children, heâs very important to me and I cannot imagine not having him in my life. Itâs hard to believe that this one night has spoiled all the friendship we had. And I donât know, maybe he has really managed to forget what we shared but I havenât. Every day, memories of his body come back to me, I canât help it. Even though we were drunk it was still beautiful and I donât want to forget it. I know heâll never respond to me romantically as heâs straight but I donât want to erase the moments with him from my mind.
If he wanted to talk about it, Iâd be open, I'm ready to help him with everything but he always says âdude, forget it, it never happened, I donât want to talk about itâ. I even thought that maybe he doesnât want to be my friend anymore, he said â no, weâre still friends, everything is fineâ. He says it was a stupid mistake and that Iâm making problems out of nothing but I can literally see our friendship crumbling. He distances himself from me more and more everyday and Iâm afraid that one day heâll be gone forever. I donât have any clues how to restore our friendship if he insists that nothing is wrong. I know he probably feels ashamed, maybe disgusted that he went to bed with another man. If everything really was ok, if we still had normal relationships, probably I would do like he says â pretend it never happened but everything gets worse and worse.
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