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He's done a glare and stare and a shirt flip ... now what?
#1
I am a 28-year-old gay male, and I am thoroughly confused about interactions with a 42-year-old colleague.

We work in separate departments that collaborate from time to time. About a year ago, we were both assigned to the same project. I discover we share similar interests. He stares at me intensely in the conference room. He gazes at me while others are talking. I assume he may be attracted to me, but he's married, and I stay away.

Nine months ago, I notice him walking toward the coffee cart as I am leaving. He watches me, eyes locked on mine, mouth hanging open. I keep going. About six months ago, I am leaving a colleague's office when I notice him in the hall. He does a "glare and stare" move on me, his feet pointed toward me and his eyes bulging in my direction, almost comically. No one, my last boyfriend included, has ever looked at me like this. He peacocks, accentuating his body. I am caught off guard and leave the hall. I wonder if he realizes how he looks at me.

We have a one on one meeting a few weeks later. I hope it will give me more clarity, but it complicates things even more. I do most of the talking at first, and when he does speak up, his tone is much quieter and reserved than usual. He's a Leo with a big personality who loves praise, but that day he measures his words and fidgets in his chair. He stares at my nipple in my crew neck. I bring the meeting to a close, and he stalls, trying to keep the conversation going. He says goodbye to me five different ways. He's never this over zealous. And as I'm leaving I realize he didn't use my name once.

A few weeks later, I see him at a cross-departmental meeting with eight other people. He sits next to me, tripping over the words in his introduction. As the meeting continues, he's breathing so heavily I can hear him. He nervously flips up his shirt tail while seated. When he walks by the screen in front of me, he flips up his shirt tail several times while staring at me. When talking with other people, he's clipped and pointed, but with me, he takes his time. He defends me during the meeting.

I am notified we will be working on another project in September. I send him an email to sign off on something. I give him a few days. I re-email. He's been on vacation. He tells me he'll respond in a day, but takes a week. He misspells my name in his response.

I think there could be a bisexual or gay man within his straight exterior, but he's enigmatic in many ways. Do you think he has feelings, or do you think he's simply having fun? Should I avoid working with him in the future?
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#2
I think you have a crush, and are reading way too much into his actions - seeing what you want to see.
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#3
To him you are game... an ego stroke... the one that indulges every signal he sends....a toy...

How about ignoring him...
If all this is not in your head.... this guy is creepy!
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#4
I don't care if he's straight, gay, bi or a SuperSpy from the planet Mars --- HE'S MARRIED!!! Leave it alone. Ignore his actions.

And yeah, maybe I'm cranky because I'm sick of my BF of six years becoming the object of elaborate fantasies because of his job. IDK, but when I was single, the terms married or engaged or in a relationship spelled HANDS OFF to me.

I left them alone,. And so should you.
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#5
Have you considered that he may just be a plain klutz?
I bid NO Trump!
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#6
While its true we elves have the ability to read minds, I confess we dislike what we see in the minds of human beings.... Nothing personal, you humans are just.... conflicted... confusing... complicated.....

Good news everyone! There is a viable alternative to relying on having your local elf read the mind of someone for you!

This method is an ancient, and apparently little known or understood talent in the 21st century. Its called: Talking.

I am puzzled why it is people seem to think that they can find out what another person thinks/feels by going to other people, especially total strangers who have never met the man, don't even know his name and asking them what he is thinking feeling.

Lets reverse this a moment....

If I went asking total strangers what it is you are thinking/feeling at this moment writing my take on this whole scenario unfolding... how accurate do you think those people are going to be when it comes to your thoughts and emotions?

Another issue here is you perceive X when it may be that Y is going on... Too often people just tend to see what they want to see and don't see the rest, those other key things that make or break a good guess of what is going on inside the head of another individual.

I suggest that you pull him to the side one day, in a private way ask him what this all means...

Until then, you will be fumbling around in the dark.

Sure it looks to me based on what you wrote that there is an interest - but I could be wrong, I do not and cannot posses all the data.

It could also mean he is a severe hater setting you up for a terrible encounter, trying to coax you out of your closet long enough to accuse you of sexual harassment.

The only person who knows what his motives and reasons are, is him.

Sorry if this seems sarcastic or mean, its not meant to be - its supposed to be educational and hopefully points out in a semi-humorous manner the fallacy of attempting to get others to tell you what another person is thinking.
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#7
Welcome to gayspeak.

I agree with the "he's married, HANDS OFF!" sentiment.
One thing you could do is get a private chat with him and tell him you've noticed he acts differently around you.

Also, how does he misspell your name?
"Michael -> Micheal"
or "Achmad Ahm-Hadullah Babsiwitzadobo Muhammadan -> Ahmad Ahm-Hadullah Babsiwetzadobo Muhammadan"
or "John -> J(<3love<3)hn"
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#8
papillon1789 Wrote:his feet pointed toward me and his eyes bulging in my direction, peacocking

If someone pointed their feet and bulged at me while strutting like a peacock I'd probably die laughing....

Crushes are a funny thing.

ObW
X
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#9
you can try to stay with the other good-looking male colleague.
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