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Hello I am Jay and I am New
#1
Hello everyone.

Okay bear with me as I haven't participated in any social networking/web discussion since year 2000. I'm not sure how to introduce myself. But I'll try my best.

I'm Jay, 27 years old lad designer who is currently having a big problem in confronting and approaching a relationship due to my past. I'm still trying to learn and understand how to embrace a relationship. I will explain later in the Need Advice section of this forum.

I'm still a virgin. I have two reasons why I am still am. One, because I'm saving it for the right one and the only one. Yes, I am that lovey-dovey old school type of guy. Two, due to my past.

My close friends and few of their friends know that I am gay but majority of people still do not know that I am. It's not actually easy to come out in my country due to the country's main religion (Islam), strong cultures and alike. But I'm getting tired of not allowing myself to be myself. It's plain torture.

I'm planning to come out to my colleagues slowly. I don't think it would be a big problem as all of my colleagues are non Muslim and they are very open minded. I detect few of them can already guess that my sexual preference is different from the other male colleagues. Wish me luck.

My family particularly my parents do know that I am gay. They found out about it when I was still a teenager by raiding my bedroom and tracking my Internet cookies. They were seriously heartbroken by it. My mom cried helplessly at a corner of our living room. My dad refused to talk for days. It drove me literally insane that it is not possible for me to describe. I fell down to my knees in front of my mom and apologized. I told her that I will change.

I stopped being gay for a few years but who am I to lie? I am not interested in girls at all. So now I am back into my 'root' but my parents think that I am cured from homosexuality. Oh yeah, I did try to attempt suicide due to this when I was a teen. I actually kept a machete under my bed for a few weeks - just in case. But fortunately I didn't follow that route. I'm happy to be alive as I have a wonderful life now.

I'm agnostic. I come from a religious family. My parents are wonderful, easy going and sporting parents but they don't play with religion. My sister and lil bro are religious too. I have no idea about my big brother. I used to be religious. I used to attend religious school and was a high school preacher. I led hundred of kids for pray everyday. But I found flaws and holes in my religion as I went deeper into my religion, the religion's holy book and plus knowing that I am gay. No matter how religious I am, I will still be dumped into hell for being gay. Bummer. I prefer to use common sense and brain rather than obeying a rule/direction that doesn't allow you to ask why, what if and more.

I haven't spoke to my big brother for almost 15 years, my little brother for around 10 years and there was a point where I did not speak to my sister for a few years. All these mostly due to my homosexual orientation. My little brother in particular hates my gut that he couldn't stand to sit on a same couch or in the same living room. I can see his hatred towards me in his eyes. Sad thing is we used to be closed to each other as my sister and big brother spent their years in boarding schools. So I pampered and spoiled my little brother as much as a big brother can do. But well, things changed when he found out that I am gay.

I know that I am gay since I was in kindergarten. I kid you not. I was really fascinated with my big brother's male friends particularly this one guy. But that doesn't beat my most gay-ish moment when I was a kindergarten kid, which I rather not tell because it sounds err ... slutty. It was nothing sexual but still, believe me, it was slutty. Let just say that I still feel bad for these three Japanese students. They ended up in detention (nothing worse than that I hope) due to my own fault and sluttiness.

Ok that's my introduction.

Oh yeah, I used to be 363 lbs and now 154 lbs guy. It took me grueling 5 years and still on going to 'revolutionize' myself.

So there. My little short introduction.

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#2
Phew! After that I'm exhausted, but hello and you are very welcome here Smile

It reads like you have had an eventful life. Congratulations on making the bold decision to come out, but you are right, it is not a healthy secret to have to keep. If only straight people understood this :mad:

So, not only are you planning on coming out in a mainly Islamic society, but you have turned your back on Islam too? Very brave.
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#3
Hello Jay, thanks for that short intro :-P

Sorry to hear of the difficulties you have experienced over the past years, it cant be easy - however you sound quite positive which will be a good personality trait to have.

Welcome to Gayspeak, and I look forward to getting to know you.
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#4
*big hugs*
Gosh what an inspiration you could be to others who are in the situation you've been through.

You obviously have a lot of sense regarding the situation in which you dumped your religion. I don't wish to be judgemental...but yeah religion seems dumb at times when it tells you what to believe, without question, and go against yourself...again without question. Seriously...what is more important? Someone else's religion or your own happiness?

What is the deal with your parents nowadays?

*Hugs again* respect to you for following your OWN life and doing what is right for YOU and shaping yourself to be who YOU want to be.

Rik

and WELCOME to the boards Smile

What do you design then? Smile
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#5
Welcome!:biggrin:
[SIZE=2]Sorry to hear you've had a hard time.:frown:
Please. Enjoy your time here!Confusedmile:
[/SIZE]
Silly Sarcastic So-and-so
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#6
Hi and welcome!

Your story is extremely interesting.
I think rsconceptions said it all perfectly. The most important thing here is you and your life.
I think that you should tell your parents you don't get to choose your sexuality. I wish you luck and strong will.
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#7
Hello friend, welcome to the forum, kind wishes, Ben.
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#8
Hi everyone. Thanks for the warm welcome Marshlander, Juk, Rik, Gernesis, SlipknotRizz and Ben. I'm glad to find this forum.

marshlander Wrote:Phew! After that I'm exhausted, but hello and you are very welcome here Smile

It reads like you have had an eventful life. Congratulations on making the bold decision to come out, but you are right, it is not a healthy secret to have to keep. If only straight people understood this :mad:

So, not only are you planning on coming out in a mainly Islamic society, but you have turned your back on Islam too? Very brave.

I'm not in favor with my religion as well as other religions that oppress its followers.

All of my colleagues know that I am not into my religion at all. But I consider that to be easy as they do not practice my religion.

I wish I can change my religion status in my ID as agnostic but that will only happen when pigs fly.

I love my country very much but I will probably migrate to a different country if want to be completely out and plans to get married with a man.

rsconceptions Wrote:*big hugs*
Gosh what an inspiration you could be to others who are in the situation you've been through.

You obviously have a lot of sense regarding the situation in which you dumped your religion. I don't wish to be judgemental...but yeah religion seems dumb at times when it tells you what to believe, without question, and go against yourself...again without question. Seriously...what is more important? Someone else's religion or your own happiness?

What is the deal with your parents nowadays?

*Hugs again* respect to you for following your OWN life and doing what is right for YOU and shaping yourself to be who YOU want to be.

Rik

and WELCOME to the boards

What do you design then?

Hi Rik nice to meet you and thanks for the warm hugs.

My parents are still easy going as ever but they tend to become more religious than before nowadays. That 'homosexuality tragedy event' has flew off from their minds long time ago. They think that I am normal now.

I don't think and I'm not sure if I should announce to my parents that I am gay whilst they are still alive though. I just can't bear to see my mother to cry again. Explaining to them why I am gay will do no good as they are very religious.

I'm a multimedia designer who works for a real estate company. I basically handle the marketing materials etc. for the company. I also handle the geek side of the company (ie. website and alike).

SlipknotRlZZ Wrote:Your story is extremely interesting.
I think rsconceptions said it all perfectly. The most important thing here is you and your life.

I think that you should tell your parents you don't get to choose your sexuality. I wish you luck and strong will.

Telling my parents, sigh ... I wish my life could be easier.

To lose my own siblings just so that I can be who I am is saddening. Okay, it used to be saddening but I am okay now. But my mother tends to cry once in a blue moon knowing that her children do not talk to each other.

My mother once asked, "Did I raise my children the wrong way?"

I didn't say anything. I just kept myself quiet. My parents are wonderful loving parents but religion is what breaking my family internally apart.
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#9
Hi Jay , just wanted to welcome you to this forum , I joined about a month ago after just coming out , met so many nice guys in here who have been so supportive , hope you find this site helpful too . Confusedmile:
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