Hello and I don't know what I should do about one boy

[Wanderer95]

Hey,

I want to introduce myself first, I am a new user, I've visited the site numerous times, but it was today that I decided to make an account and to share with you. I am 17, nearly 18, I am from the tiny European country of Bulgaria, it's a good place, but a bit homophobic, I am gay and I had accepted that absolutely, I am out to absolutely everyone except for my family, I am not quite sure what I am waiting for, but I hadn't felt as if the right time had come, but I will be happy to hear from you as well, as I am a very open kind of a guy

The reason for which I first came to the site, and for which I decided to join it, is that I have a problem with that one guy and with finding a boyfriend in general. So a few years ago I was in eight grade, in a new school and there was that one boy in my class who I started to view differently, prior to him I had never had any thoughts that I may be gay, but suddenly he shows up around me and I accepted the fact that I am queer for only a few weeks, I was all "yeah, I'm gay, so what?". So I told him that i like him , but he thought that it was some kind of joke and just ignored it, so I never tried to do anything else. However as ninth grade came I started to think that I cannot just be standing alone while everyone was starting to date, so I decided that I should start coming out to people, at that time it was only to my three closest friends. And once that went well I decided that I am much more confident, so I started to try and become closer with that classmate. And I really was having the time of my life, we had an enormous amount of fun during school, but nothing ever extended out of school, until one day, at the very end of the school year, we decided to go watch a movie at the cinema and once again it was just as friends, not that I knew of anything else you can be with someone as I hadn't seen a gay guy in my life until months later. So we hanged out for a while and then everyone went home. I tried to contact him during the summer, but he would never answer my messages, so I got really depressed and was feeling awful, but I decided to try online dating apps, but as I had just turned 16, I was extremely immature and all the other gays were way beyond older, so that didn't work out either. So tenth grade came and I was no longer classmates with that boy, so I wouldn't even see him during classes, so one day I got the courage to tell him that I like him and that I want us to be just as good friends as we were in the previous year, but he was very baffled and started instead asking me questions like "do your parents know that you are gay", "how can you be sure that you are gay" and finally said that he doesn't think I am gay. I felt pathetic and tried to ignore him during lunches and etc, but soon we got to be working over a project together, but I could feel that something just wasn't right. Sadly the project didn't go well, I put the blame on myself, and it was a very depressing time in general. However I started socializing with some new people and one of these people is now my best friend and I am really thankful that I have her around as she had been helping me so much. But back at that time I had just told her that I liked that boy and she encouraged me to ask him out and being the pathetic person I am, I did ask him out, he agreed and we went to the cinema to watch a comedy. Turned out that he had managed to put me in his tight schedule and as the movie ended he went straight to the airport from the cinema, on a family trip to Italy. We started chatting little now and then, but thinks soon stopped. Last summer he once again ignored me, but this school year he came and excused for doing so, so we started talking now and then, but nothing more as I had been paying online dating apps visits and I went to some gay bars as well, from which I couldn't find anyone who I wanted to date, as everyone was old, but at least I gained some confidence and got to be around gay people, which was helpful, but I just couldn't find anyone around my age who is gay and I like, because always either they will be too old, not gay, or I wouldn't be interested in, and being very "hit and run", I found it hard to even keep any kind of a friendship with any of those men, except for one guy, which by happy chance that boy from school run into while we were out. At school he asked my friends about him and was quite surprised, as my friends lied that we were going out together and all kind of stuff that weren't true. Suddenly he was much more open, we would talk, he would come over to my table during lunch and so on, we would be talking about lots of stuff, even one day we were discussing gays openly and he was more than fine with that. However, lately we hadn't been talking and I've been thinking about him, and to be honest I miss him as he is special not only for being the boy to whom I acknowledged that I was gay, but if it wasn't for how he ignores me, he is a great person, a person that I will be more than glad to date and to open my heart to. So I've found my emotions and generally how I feel about it very overwhelming, so I've talked to some people and astonishingly they've all told me that they believe that he is gay, but refuses to acknowledge it. Since I've been told that I am more sure that I want to do something, but I fear that I will be rejected again and that I will be pathetic, not that I really care about that as once I finish high school I probably won't hear of him, so it's not as if I have anything to lose, but I just don't know if I want to try at all, or if I were to do it what kind of approach should I take. I really needed to let it all out and to ask you for an advice as I tend to believe in myself a bit too much and to find it hard to be pessimistic, but as of right now it all seems so vague and I just don't know what I should be steering my life towards.

I will greatly appreciate any advice that you give me, as I just need to hear someone's opinion as mine is far from objective.

Thank you very much in advance

[Udabar]

Well, from the sound of it, you have yourself a crush. I may not be the best person to be giving advice, but I will try my best. If I come off a little harsh, I apologize.

The first thing I would tell you is that you need to just let things go. Sounds like you have been chasing this one person for too long and not giving yourself any thought. Your looking way to hard for "someone to date" when you should be working on finding some friends who will accept you for who you are and what you like. You want people who are going to encourage you to do things, like the girl you met.

He may be gay or he may not be gay, this is all speculation until he comes to you and says it to your face. If he is gay, then I would assume that he might not be interested in the same priority that you have at this time and would more likely be set on getting his life in order. Until that point, don't force feed him which your presence. Let him decide where he wants to take things and when he wants to "come out of the closet".

Lets get back to you. Why are you so worried about trying to find someone to date? Why not worry about where you are headed in your life and where you want to see yourself in 10 years. The dating thing will fall into place when you have your priorities set. You will be hanging out with your friends one day and then the right guy will walk into the picture. You wont know it right away, but eventually it will happen.

I have been openly gay for over 10 years and I have dated 7 men in that entire time. I have only fell in love with 3 of them. I am currently single amd I am loving every minute of it. It does get a little lonely from time to time, but I just remember that I am here for me and no one else right now.

So what I am trying to say, is dont let yourself stray from your own well being. Things will happen when they happen. Until that time, enjoy your life and who YOU are and the people you currently have around you before you bring a stranger into the picture.