Hey, my name is Jason C I am 27 and new to this

[seven90five]

Hey,
This is all kind of new to me, I just turned 27 on Friday and am tired of being in the closet. I have told a few friends and my parents that I am gay even though it wasn't necessarily my choice. Last year I met a 21 year old guy at work, really cute but has a lot of emotional problems... We texted back and forth for a few weeks and he kept making plans then breaking them off until one night he wanted to go to a movie... Well right before we were supposed to go he decided we should just hang out at his apartment... We had a few beers and were outside smoking when all of the sudden he told me he wanted me and was going to jump me as soon as we got back into his apt and if I didnt want that I should go... Well he's so damn sexy I went ahead and did it... Probably one of the most regrettable choices thus far in my life. We were in the middle of oral when he just said he had to stop and pretty much excused me... Well for the next couple weeks he would ignore me or then want to talk to me... We finally became just friends and started hanging out and talking about all of our problems and deep personal stuff.... Then one night I had to much to drink and was asleep next to him on his couch when he grabbed my hand and put it on his crotch winked and told me to go for it... Well since then we have had sex together about 10 times and everytime he says he regrets it and never wants to do it again... He wanted to "try" and be in a relationship with me ounce or twice and we would cuddle and kiss for a while then the next day he would say it "didnt feel right".... Since then it seems he wants be in an emotional relationship and not a physical one... and he is constantly going back and forth between dating women and paying all of his attention to me.. This whole thing hurt me deeply becuse he was the first guy I ever fell in love with or had sex with... So I got real upset one day and swallowed a bunch of pills... As a result my mother (who knew I was gay but we didnt talk) decided to say somehting to me and then she also told my father which I didnt want... He of course told his girlfriend and she invites me to lunch one day and just confronts me about it, i was horrified...
Anyway now even though I am really close to that boy Ryan and hes the only one Ive ever told everything to it seems like I am just constantly getting hurt but I dont know how to end it with him... Deep down I am still in love with him but I know it wont work... He has OCD and borderline personality disorder so he only sometimes thinks hes gay and other times he just thinks he is a pedo neither of which seem to be true... So the only nice thing about this is its finally pushed me to want to meet people and connect more with the gay community which is why I am here.... Any advice you guys have for me? about the situation with this boy or getting used to being out?

[Boysstuff]

Hello Jason, welcome to the forum, Ben.

[(V)aster(V)ind]

Hey Jason! I'm also new to this site, but I can still try and give a little advice. Not professional advice: (haha ^_^) It seems like you had a very bad first love (which one of us haven't?). My first boyfriend was "straight" and kept me his dirty little secret. It took me a long time to get over him too, and it wasn't easy. The best advice I can give is simply to try and get over him (as far as being a lover). It just seems like he's not ready yet (and you might want to reccommend him to a good psychologist, perhaps). Just remember that you're still young and have plenty of time to find a relationship and right now you have nothing serious to worry about. Now that you're finally out of the closet you're life is really just starting... believe me. Keep him as a friend but think no more of him sexually and see how things turn out. Maybe stop drinking with him and keep him sober to see how he really thinks then. Find other gay guys to hang out with - as friends at first maybe and see where things go. Being around other people typically seems to help break attachments to others. You're having a rough enough time as it is coming out of the closet - focus on one thing at a time. I know I haven't given you any information that your proabably have not thought of yourself already, but hey, at least I tried. It's rough - but things always get better. ALWAYS. Best of luck! You'll have to tell me if things get any better! ~Matt

[fjp999]

[COLOR="Purple"]Welcome to the site

How is it going?

Seems that you are in a tough one there and (V)aster(V)ind has some great advice. I would try to distance myself from him BUT easier said than done I know.

It is rather important to try to keep busy with many things so your mind doesnt wonder... you could also think about seeking some professional advice. Something to give you the confidence to try to move on.

If you have any other advice on specifics go ahead and give it a go here. Even if the advice doesnt help I know that it helps to talk about it [/COLOR]

[marshlander]

Hello, Jason, welcome.

Not easy, I know, but are you sure you want this man in your life at all? We've had some discussion on here recently about disparity of age in relationships. Your young man seems to make a very good case for shopping closer to home.

Good luck.