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04-23-2015, 01:07 AM

Not a very nice thing for them to do. Parents are not owed something for being parents. Sometimes people take care of their parents when medical conditions might call for it in the very last period of life. In most circumstances, of course, it never comes close to the years and money those parents put into their child's life. But that's okay. Parenting is not about being paid back for what they did. If there is anything to be paid when it comes to parenting, it is paid forward to the children your children may have. I agree with others. Do what you need to do for a remedy to this situation, even if it means some legal action. Hopefully there is something to recover. No legal ruling can make money magically appear if there is not money there to pay it from in the first place. Good luck.

CellarDweller · 04-23-2015, 01:15 AM

I'm sorry that your parents did that to you.

You need to reclaim what is yours. Talk to a lawyer, and don't hesitate. The fact that they could do this to you, and say the things they said, just demonstrates how they feel, and they don't deserve consideration.

04-23-2015, 02:25 AM

Beaux Wrote:as their son I owed it to them to give them the money.

No. Fuck no. 100% HELL no. Just no.

Beaux Wrote:Furthermore, they said that my having a child was a pipe dream, that gays shouldn't raise children.

Also no, but more in the range that this is none of their fucking business type of a 'no'.

Beaux Wrote:They say that they PLANNED to pay it back, but that my dad lost his job day before yesterday and now they can't. If I want to save my house, I will have to come up with the money. When I asked my dad, "So you expect me to just take this at a loss?!?" He replied, "Well, just be glad we didn't take out the loan for more! It could be worse!".

I definitely understand your feelings. I would suggest you take legal action, the sooner the better. INCLUDING removing them as power of attorney immediately.

You need to get in contact with a good attorney. NOW. And start building the steps needed to deal with this shit.

And I wouldn't worry about the "I can't afford an attorney" part yeah? Because considering their abuse of the power entrusted to them, THEY will be paying for your attorney at the end of things, not you.

meridannight · 04-23-2015, 03:33 AM

Beaux Wrote:When Imconfronted them about it, they said I was being selfish. That they needed the money and as their son I owed it to them to give them the money.

this is completely false. you don't owe anything to them just because you are their son. parents pull this card when there is no other way for them to justify/explain away their actions. in other words, they don't have a good reason and they're full of bullshit.

they should have asked you before doing anything legally binding with a property that had your name on it. that was absolutely wrong in any way i see it.

Quote:Furthermore, they said that my having a child was a pipe dream, that gays shouldn't raise children.

yeah, because they know what they're talking about when it comes to homosexuality.

Quote:I told them that I never want to speak to them again, and I mean it. Regardless of my situation or my marriage, that was my property that I worked hard to pay for.

i wouldn't speak to them either after a stunt like that.

Quote:I honestly don't think I can take anymore and I want to just quit.

.... i do hope things get better for you, Beaux. don't quit. it's difficult when it all piles up on you at the same time, but you can get through this. it's better that you know now in any case. at least you know the truth.

Quote:How can the people who birthed you, break you with no regard for anyone but themselves?

families (esp the ones you grew up in the same house with) can be disgustingly dishonest, self-serving, and betraying toward one another. it is unfortunate, but it's the truth. i've seen this type of behavior from ever since i was a kid (to a considerably lesser financial significance, but the point remains the same). i saw family members go behind each other's backs to obtain valuables from other family members, for money, property...etc. there was all kinds of scheming, they never told the truth to each other, and when it was revealed what they had done all kinds of excuses/lies flew out to ''justify''/explain themselves.

for this reason, i've never trusted people i grew up in the same household with. i wouldn't entrust any of them with anything i own. if they want money, they can ask me. but to write anything i own to their name, or give them powers of attorney over it --- never. not in my lifetime.

i think a lot of people give out trust to family members by default, and it shouldn't be because they're a family. it should only be because you trust them as a person. if they had no relation to you whatsoever, if they were a friend/acquaintance, would you still trust them like that? if the answer is no, then them being related to you doesn't change it.

i don't know what drives this. probably it means they didn't really have respect for you in the first place, and never really did care. that's harsh, but actions don't lie. if they cared at all they would have asked you. i think the thing to do is to learn this painful lesson and move on. you can't change what's already been done, but you can take measures not to make the same mistakes in the future.

sorry you had to learn it the hard way man. try to hold on and get through this. :hugs:

Camfer · 04-23-2015, 04:25 AM

Can I play attorney for a minute? It is clear that your parents breached their fiduciary duty. Further, you were in no way incapacitated in dealing with your finances when they put the lien on your property, using your asset as collateral for their gain. This looks like fraud. Not only on your parents' part, but also on the lending institution's part. You probably have a claim against both of your parents and the lender.

If you do an internet search on Charleston legal aid services 3 or 4 places will come up. With your situation you will probably qualify for free legal help. Tell the legal aid services that you want the lien removed and that it was done without your knowledge or permission. Tell them you need to remove your parents from durable power of attorney.

Think very carefully when you choose your next person to have durable power of attorney for you. Maybe legal aid can help you identify the right person for you.

I am so sorry to hear to much crap is piling up in your life. I've had times like that. It's not easy. Let us know how we can help.

meridannight · 04-23-2015, 04:25 AM

Beaux Wrote:If I want to save my house, I will have to come up with the money. When I asked my dad, "So you expect me to just take this at a loss?!?" He replied, "Well, just be glad we didn't take out the loan for more! It could be worse!".

absolutely disgusting!

as others have said, consult a lawyer, find any kind of leverage on them. they essentially stole money from you, and you have the right to get it back. don't let them just get away with this. if they have any assets of their own at all (cars, real estate) they are in a position to pay something back.

04-23-2015, 04:38 AM

I have to agree with Lex on this. This sounds like something people with a history of disrespect would do to you. Beaux, is it possible that you have always known they could never be fully trusted? This just does not sound like a new kind of behavior. Not only do they not respect you, they disapprove of you. I wonder if beneath the remark about children is that they never honestly accepted your sexuality.

Don't give up, Beaux.

04-23-2015, 04:46 AM

Camfer Wrote:Can I play attorney for a minute? It is clear that your parents breached their fiduciary duty. Further, you were in no way incapacitated in dealing with your finances when they put the lien on your property, using your asset as collateral for their gain. This looks like fraud. Not only on your parents' part, but also on the lending institution's part. You probably have a claim against both of your parents and the lender.

If you do an internet search on Charleston legal aid services 3 or 4 places will come up. With your situation you will probably qualify for free legal help. Tell the legal aid services that you want the lien removed and that it was done without your knowledge or permission. Tell them you need to remove your parents from durable power of attorney.

Think very carefully when you choose your next person to have durable power of attorney for you. Maybe legal aid can help you identify the right person for you.

I am so sorry to hear to much crap is piling up in your life. I've had times like that. It's not easy. Let us know how we can help.

Beaux, I emailed my Capt to get more info about how he handled his situation. It looks like Camfer intercepted the reply cuz he pretty much covered it. All to add is that the bank was real ready to settle up out of court. He wouldn't do that with his brother, got him busted for drugs and DUI twice, and turned him in to IRS for unreported income before they got into court. In other words it was "Game on, mudderfudder." He got no money out of his brother but he gave him a worse beat down than anything he could have done with fists.

Camfer · 04-23-2015, 04:55 AM

Virge Wrote:\ All to add is that the bank was real ready to settle up out of court.

Yep, just be sure Beaux that it is an attorney who contacts the bank on your behalf and not you. This could get settled real quick.

trywait · 04-23-2015, 08:21 AM

I'm sorry for your situation [MENTION=13210]Beaux[/MENTION] . although the advice presented is pretty good, I can only add my sympathy with you.

in spite of everything, just realize that you were enlightened now better than still being in the "dark" about it. plus, you can remedy this situation so that it doesn't happen again in the future.

hang in there! I'm positive this too shall pass and it is not insurmountable! you can do it!