02-19-2011, 08:15 PM
I've been struggled about this for a long time.
Ok...so where should I start..
I am 17, and I always kind of evade the issue.
My act(or my thought)is a lil bit girlish sometimes since I was small, but my parents and relatives think I'm "gentle". I like drawing, dance, art stuff<<<< maybe it's one of the characteristic about gay? idk. And I still dun really understand what's the feeling of crushing on a person.(That's also one of my question) I'm friendly with all ppl so I easily get into any group, especially the girls.
My fds always wondering if I were gay or not. Some of them even ask me, and I'll juz say "I dun know~" Thou they will make jokes about me gay, they aren't teasing, which is luckier than many ppl outside. I'd rmb one said I was horny that I pretend to be gay and get closed with the girl LOL
I had a subconscious telling me "I'm gonna in love with that boy" when I was primary. Just like the silly thing in primary age. But I still has that subconscious till middle skl. (Actually I sent a present to a higher form boy student who dun know me, that's a long story and it's crazy when I thought back lol)
After that, I met my best female fd, who is very supportive, and she's a christian.
She kinda know about me confusing on the gay issue. So she always convinces me I'M NOT GAY, I just still didn't find my perfect one. So do I convince to myself, that I like a girl with temperament. She took me to church, and I going to church for a year since then.
In religious, that's not permit, and I do believe that jesus made us with no mistakes.
So there should not be any gay ppl. (?) And I convinced to myself again.
To be honest, I didn't tell anyone (except my gay fd) that I watched either gay porn and straight. Even not mention about sex topic. cos I'm afraid.
At the beginning, I only watch straight porn, then I watch gay porn since middle?high skl?
But now when I looked back those straight porn, I didn't get a lot of reaction on the women' pussy. yet I would focus on the male.
This year, My sister ask me about that and I told her honestly, I still dun know.
And my sister is very nice, she doesn't mind. She said she has some gay fds who are better than her boy fd. So it's OK to be gay. But she also mention one thing, gay relationship is hard, hard to keep for a long time, and hard for the society to accept.
Nearly, I started to have fancy on my close male fd, think about we kiss, or make out.
I'm afraid that I'll get crush on him thou idk what's the feeling of "crush". But at the meanwhile I dun think his personality fits me which makes me feel safe.
So what do u guys think? I really really need your support, cos I have no one to speak to.
What should I do? How to know if I'm gay or what?
PLeas comment and I hope to meet some gay fd which I could speak to in my entire life(:
Thanks
Braze
(It's really great to give me your fb so we can keep touch.)
I feel better after I type this message
Ok...so where should I start..
I am 17, and I always kind of evade the issue.
My act(or my thought)is a lil bit girlish sometimes since I was small, but my parents and relatives think I'm "gentle". I like drawing, dance, art stuff<<<< maybe it's one of the characteristic about gay? idk. And I still dun really understand what's the feeling of crushing on a person.(That's also one of my question) I'm friendly with all ppl so I easily get into any group, especially the girls.
My fds always wondering if I were gay or not. Some of them even ask me, and I'll juz say "I dun know~" Thou they will make jokes about me gay, they aren't teasing, which is luckier than many ppl outside. I'd rmb one said I was horny that I pretend to be gay and get closed with the girl LOL
I had a subconscious telling me "I'm gonna in love with that boy" when I was primary. Just like the silly thing in primary age. But I still has that subconscious till middle skl. (Actually I sent a present to a higher form boy student who dun know me, that's a long story and it's crazy when I thought back lol)
After that, I met my best female fd, who is very supportive, and she's a christian.
She kinda know about me confusing on the gay issue. So she always convinces me I'M NOT GAY, I just still didn't find my perfect one. So do I convince to myself, that I like a girl with temperament. She took me to church, and I going to church for a year since then.
In religious, that's not permit, and I do believe that jesus made us with no mistakes.
So there should not be any gay ppl. (?) And I convinced to myself again.
To be honest, I didn't tell anyone (except my gay fd) that I watched either gay porn and straight. Even not mention about sex topic. cos I'm afraid.
At the beginning, I only watch straight porn, then I watch gay porn since middle?high skl?
But now when I looked back those straight porn, I didn't get a lot of reaction on the women' pussy. yet I would focus on the male.
This year, My sister ask me about that and I told her honestly, I still dun know.
And my sister is very nice, she doesn't mind. She said she has some gay fds who are better than her boy fd. So it's OK to be gay. But she also mention one thing, gay relationship is hard, hard to keep for a long time, and hard for the society to accept.
Nearly, I started to have fancy on my close male fd, think about we kiss, or make out.
I'm afraid that I'll get crush on him thou idk what's the feeling of "crush". But at the meanwhile I dun think his personality fits me which makes me feel safe.
So what do u guys think? I really really need your support, cos I have no one to speak to.
What should I do? How to know if I'm gay or what?
PLeas comment and I hope to meet some gay fd which I could speak to in my entire life(:
Thanks
Braze
(It's really great to give me your fb so we can keep touch.)
I feel better after I type this message
![[-]](https://gayspeak.com/images/duende_v3_local/collapse.png)
mile: to youself and others.
Cancer
