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I cheated on my beautiful boyfriend and it is killing me
#11
East Wrote:My advice is to tell him. I learned many years ago that I can handle someone making a mistake but I cannot handle the lie. For me...the deception is FAR WORSE than the indiscretion.

^^
This.

About two years..... a year? I dunno. Somehwere in the first half of Gid and my relationship, I was in a serious bind and desperate for some cash. I got it by sucking some guy's dick. Because I needed the cash. Because I was desperate. Because it was easy. Because I was a fucking idiot.

It fucking KILLED me to tell Gideon what I'd done. I was fucking terrified. But, there's such a thing as integrity. Honesty.

These things are too important in my life to ignore. So I told him. He was extremely hurt. Very upset. But, we worked through it.

So there you have it. Trust is built on integrity. You have none if you're keeping secrets from your partner and lying to him.
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#12
My advice is going to go beyond just being honest and telling him. My advice, break up with him. You've only been going out with him a year and this wasn't your first mistake. So far you've broken up with him after going out with him for six months and then changed your mind and now you've cheated on him. You do not seem to be in a place in your life to be in a relationship, so stop putting the guy through having his heart broken every few months.
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#13
Iceblink Wrote:My advice, break up with him. You've only been going out with him a year and this wasn't your first mistake. So far you've broken up with him after going out with him for six months and then changed your mind and now you've cheated on him. You do not seem to be in a place in your life to be in a relationship, so stop putting the guy through having his heart broken every few months.

stupid advice. and people fuck up and make mistakes. most people make different mistakes at different times. he did it. doesn't mean he should sacrifice himself to make a point and give up someone he loves. if his partner can't live with it, that's another thing. and it's up to him to make that call.

and breaking up with him will break the guy's heart just as well.

self-sacrifices are so damn pointless. how do people even come up with this garbage?
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#14
I agree with those who say tell him the truth. Let him decide if he wants to continue things or not. Don't make the decision for him by hiding what you've done. Trust me...a relationship with lies and deceit beneath the surface leads to unnecessary pain, hardship, and headache(s) in the future. Honesty goes a long way.

I can deal with infidelity...but I have very little tolerance for lying (that goes for lying by omission as well). I know a lot of people feel similarly. It's one thing to do something wrong, but being unable to trust someone at their word is a really BIG deal.

People make mistakes--and not everyone buys into that "once a cheater, always a cheater" mindset. Give your bf the benefit of the doubt. It's up to you to make it known to him just how sorry you really are, as well as assuring him that this won't happen again.

You're going to feel like shit for a while, but you will get through it. I've been there. Own up to your mistake and learn from it. Smile
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#15
I don't care what anybody says. If you want the relationship or not. Respect HIM, and tell him the truth. And go with the flow of things after this. I know you didn't mean to do what you did, and it's hard to control yourself when you're drunk, but in life, shit happens, and it's best to take responsibility of your actions and deal with the consequences. If not, then they will catch up to you in the future. Whether he finds out or not. Not trying to sound harsh, but in situations like these, I learned that if you don't own up to what you did, life will kick you to the curb one way or another. So you might as well, do life the honors and do it yourself before it gets out of hand.
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#16
Iceblink Wrote:My advice is going to go beyond just being honest and telling him. My advice, break up with him. You've only been going out with him a year and this wasn't your first mistake. So far you've broken up with him after going out with him for six months and then changed your mind and now you've cheated on him. You do not seem to be in a place in your life to be in a relationship, so stop putting the guy through having his heart broken every few months.

I agree ...
I understand we all make mistakes... but eventually mistakes will begin to form a pattern.. The pattern here is instability.

You broke up with him.,
You cheated twice.. in one shot!
What next?
Do you have what it takes to hold it together for this guy?

What you are doing now is just dragging a sweet guy through the mud..
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#17
Introvert, making friends with couple, working at a bar... Oh yeah that's going to end well (/sarcasm)

Clearly you don't have your ducks in order, you have issues and you are using/abusing your BF whilst trying to figure out what or who you are. Great, find, wonderful until they day you bring home and STD or the day he gets sick and tired of your little issues.

Tell him the truth, He may still want to keep you around. Love is odd, it makes people do stupid things all the time.

If not, then you get your solitude.

The problem here is you are going to continue working at this bar. The tendency is once we get away with something like cheating once we do it again and again until caught.

Since you flat refuse to communicate your sexual frustration with your sex partner, then you will have that frustration mixed with all of the sex toys you work around... End result, your most likely going to end up doing this again and again and again.
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#18
I would say that you should tell him. Be honest. Because IF he finds out later in life will be far far far far more worse for him. I am totally in the side of the honesty. BUT if you do not think he could make it through this, I mean you are the one who knows him the most. If he is really that fragile. I am more sided to you not telling him. Sometimes. But only sometimes a lie can cause less damage if used properly. Do this only if you do love him and are planning to spend more part of your life with him. If you so not feel like you love him as before. Just tip toe away. Break up with him and let him be. In this case decide if he would take the break up and you telling him that you cheated. As I already said if he is that fragile do not tell him just break up with him. Good luck!
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#19
Initially, this kind of pissed me off, but having never had a boyfriend, I guess I don't fully understand this type of temptation, so I won't judge. But don't feel too bad, for all you know he could be cheating on you right now.
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#20
Bluelight Wrote:But don't feel too bad, for all you know he could be cheating on you right now.

lol, what a way to spin things.
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