I'm engaged, I'm scared.

[AJJ]

I’m still 25, I can make my dreams come true. I’m still young, how could I give up on everything? I know why, I didn’t have the strenght so I stop believing. And now that I feel strong enough, I’m getting married, and I’m scared of what I may become. I want to travel, to meet people and travel by myself, go out to bars and get drunk alone and maybe sleep with someone random that invites me a drink or talks to me softly.

I always wanted to be the perfect husband and take care of dinners, my man’s social life and my home, but now that seems so boring. My house husband projection seems so irrelevant, but I don’t want to break his heart. What should I do? He is really the dearest and most caring boyfriend, he’s manly and he’s awsome making business, that I admire of him. He’s also very open minded and he had make threesomes, he even told me that if I need to fuck with someone else that I should tell him and he may allow it. How to say no to this man? Should I stay with him and ask for his permission to travel and be more independent?

[kindy64]

If you are not ready, then you are not ready. Have a frank conversation about this with him.

[jimcrackcorn]

All of us married guys have to give up some of our wild independence in order to make the relationship work.

I settled down with my man 40 years ago,, when I was just 19 years old. I can assure you that I had moments when I wanted to get wild & crazy and hit the bars, get drunk, and have meaningless sex with strangers. I imagine most of us older married guys got those feelings when we were young.

Settling down with a great guy doesn't mean that you must give up your dreams,,, unless your dreams were to have sex with every available guy in town (smile).... You can still travel and meet new people, just do it with your husband beside you.

Being married means you will have to make compromises along the way to accommodate your spouse,,,, and your husband will have to do the same for you.

Don't give up on your relationship because you fear loosing your dreams & freedom, find a way to weave your dreams into the fabric of your relationship. You can make it work.

Sincerely,
Jim

[Cobalt]

Why can't you just tell him all of this instead of trying to figure it out on your own?

[Insertnamehere]

This will all go down towards one path: you need to talk about this with him

If your current doubts are temporary fears born out of some missplaced sense of "losing freedom" you'd do well to be honest about them anyway in order to get pass them.

What exactly can't you accomplish if you get into this marriage? I'm curious.

If this, however, is more than simple cold feet, then stop it while there's still time. However bad it may be to do it right now, if will still be better thatn whatever you will end up doing later and after you're already married

[SilverBullet]

I would say to look at things differently.
Everyone looks back on life and they say how they wish they could have did something differently or had more experiences. they rarely think that the choices they made are what allowed their current position and wellness in life.
You may find traveling alone you break your leg in the wilderness. You may get rapped after being drunk in a bar or you may get stds from a one night stand JUST as easily as those things may be harmless and you be fine.

Your husband as any husband is your shield and your his. Stop thinking thinking of you by yourself, when you want to go alone just tell him and feel comfort knowing you at least have someone thinking about you and someone will be ready to come to your aid the moment you need it. Thats a husband.
A monogomouse relationship that functions means financial and physical security, it means you have someone to make you soup when your sick and it means you will have someone to snuggle every night!

You are very lucky to have this man want to marry you ^_^, don't blow it or your regret may not be things like "I didn't get drunk alone in a bar enough" and more like "I had all I ever wanted and needed but I just didn't realize it until it was too late."

[TigerLover]

Oh god I'm worried for you man. It's easiy to imagine you winding up trapped in a marriage and quietly resenting your husband for "stealing your independence". Thats not fair to you but it's really not fair to him.

You owe it to him and you owe it to yourself to speak up about these concerns. Yes It might hurt him to hear but nowhere near as much as finding out about your concerns after the wedding.
Plus you never know, maybe he's just as afraid as you are.

Be brave man you gotta be brave
Good luck

[Darius]

You didn't mention anything about love. That could be a clue.

[Anocxu]

Postpone the wedding. .

Marrying him out of guilt is a terrible decision.
If he is giving you all the freedom you WANT.
He must understand this is something you need.

Are you sure this isn't a case of wedding jitters?

Tell him it's too soon ..
Tell him you need more time or your marriage will suffer.

You cannot make a commitment if you are doubtful.

[Scootaloo]

Marriage shouldn't be a burden. If your feeling like your giving up your life, then your not ready. Marriage should be an improvement to life, it should feel like the most amazing thing that has happened, don't settle and sell yourself short to someone because you feel obligated.