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In love...with a closed of guy...need advice ;(
#1
I'm falling for a guy and I may be crazy for it. I am 25 years old, and he is 28. His parents are from Italy and he is the first born American.
We met online and at our first real *life meeting was on new years eve. Months later I'm not sure how things are going....but I do need advice!*

We went on dates and I am one of those people who like to bring gifts for the person I like. I bought him his favorite wine, flowers in his favorite color, tracked down a Madonna VHS he's wanted to see forever...he would always say that's so nice and that I didn't have to do that...

The first time we kissed it was after he got drunk...it was after a month and a half of seeing each-other and when we did he pushed me away a few times saying "omg you look like my ex" he later said he was sorry and if it wasn't for the fat I really liked him I would have ended it....

Asked him if he wanted to be my valentine and he said he'd love too and that it was his first. It would be mine too. Later he said it scared him and when I got him a card, candy and a stupid stuffed animal he said he didn't get mine yet...and I never saw it.*

I asked him if he wanted to be in a relationship and he said he would have never asked what I did that he wants to take it slow and that he likes hanging out. He's dated a lot of "crazy guys"
that never lasted longer then three months.

We never had sex. We had oral three times, every time I want to give it to him I start, he's hard but he will say "in old it takes forever to finish" and he gives me instead.*

A week or two later we spoke and he said he spoke to his friends and they told him I sound like a keeper and to give it a try and his best friend said to open up. When I had seen him that week we kissed and he told me to talk to him and I asked him if he had thought about what we talked about and he said "yeah I am, thought I told you" I was happy I hugged him and he ruined the moment by saying "calm down....your looking at me like you love me"

He invited me over to sleep and just "cuddle" one night and it was so great...later he said another day it was nice but it was suffocating again.

A week later and I came over as soon as I got there he said "we have to talk....this isn't working. I'm not attracted to you all the time. I tried....I really did. I realized I don't want a relationship but I still see you as a friend....like a best friend" I cried, and cried. He told me maybe it was better I left because he had his heart broken and it took him two months to get over and seeing him now wasn't going to help. He walked me to car. We spoke that night all I did was cry and wonder what had happened he called to check on me and said he would call tomorrow. We texted messaged next day and I asked him what to do with a broken heart and he said it kind of goes away and he wasn't feeling that good either.

When he called later I asked him
Why he said he didn't know but he cried when I left and he wasn't expecting that and that if he read his horoscope yesterday he may not have done in...and that he cares about me but wouldn't think of me all the time like I would and he isn't mushy. *He asked me what he wanted me to say and I said I wanted us to go back to how were...and he said he did too and he thinks so...soon. He said he doesn't want me all over him
All time that isn't him....I asked what we are he said we are "hanging out...exclusively"*
I said "so a dating..." "hanging out..." I asked in a year what would we be then and he thought and said "a year...a couple"

When I brought up how he said he wasn't attracted to me he said he is just all time he can't be horny....to me you don't have to be horny to kiss or be attracted to someone on all levels...

Last time we saw each other we spent evening together last week and we didn't do anything until an hour before u left and I said I want to be what he want and he said "I think you are what I want but don't change for me..." the he said he missed me and I asked him really? And he asked is that bad?*

Facts to help explain more:
He cancel all the time if he didn't it he would push the time later and later. He canceled so many time.

Won't add me on facebook because it's only for family and friends and his family doesn't know he's gay...

He's still on the dating website we met on and he says he's just looking and he gets message everyday he's interested to see who it could be. And he's not looking for anyway else ....

Said he just moved out of his fathers and likes being independent and not answering to anyone.

Can't tell him he's handsome he doesn't like it. Can't text him too much because then I'm suffocating...

What can I do? I really feel like I'm loving this man for the first time in my life and in always wondering if he's going to be *running away any day now again....it's so hard loving someone who is like two different people....I don't know what to do anymore.
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#2
Hello there,
I am hating to break the bad news but by the sounds of it hunni he may be falling out of love with you completely.. *hugz* I know relationships can get scary and some move faster than others... Some people want them to go further than the opther one does... If I was in your situation i would either

A, Cut contact and move forward onwards and upwards to see if he would bother contacting me and if he said why havent you contact me for a while Id reply with because i didnt want to infringe on your privacy and space so thought id give you some space to yourself until you contacted me

Or

B, (ive forgotten what B is ...... BOLLOCKS HOW CAN I FORGET B AAAARRRGGGGHHHH)

I will get back to you soon when i remember what B was lol

Kindest regards

zeon
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#3
Give up give in.
That is the advice from me as a person who experienced that.
My best friend felt for me, we did several things that only lover did. But I don't have the feeling of a lover for him. I just don't fall for him even thought I am hungry for a relationship. I have crush on several guys that I met, just not him.
I want to love him too but I just can't.

Love is not something you can buy, can force in anyway. If he already considers you as his best friend, why don't you just be his best friend? I suggest you to stay as his friend, be clear about that to yourself, don't put up any hope or try to change his mind anyhow. Just be a normal friend and look for another option.
Also, there is nothing wrong with him to be on dating site. He is still single and he has the right to pursue his own happiness even that mean you will be left with a broken heart.
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#4
Thanks both for the advice... I will try to hold back my feelings and hopefully one day move on. Though that is not what I really want.
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#5
I was once told a fact in life

What we want and what we get are ALWAYS two different things...

Beleive in this fact and you will find things easier in life Smile
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#6
To me, it doesn't seem that he is really all that interested. It sucks to hear it but Its probably true. I would stop texting/calling him unless he texts you first, and even then leave some time before you answer. For some reason, the person on the other end will be really anxious to hear back from you and figure out he is actually really attached to you, or he will give up (typically the first happens with me, this works with girls too). This gives him the space he needs, and if he is actually interested in you, it will draw him closer to you.

Also, less texting/calling means more to talk about in person.

Anywho, best of luck with it all, relations are very sticky sometimes, but you will be fine in the end, even if your not with him specifically.
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