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I'm a : Single Gay Man
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nah, I don't think so. for me the only reason I want to tell some of my family and close friends is so they can stop asking me when I'm going to get a girlfriend.
![[-]](https://gayspeak.com/images/duende_v3_local/collapse.png)
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It's basically about control.
When we're "in"--totally IN the closet, we CONTROL the information.
Coming "out" is a choice we make when we're ready to LOSE control of what we had kept very private.
That's your choice.
But once you come out, you're ALWAYS coming out...something I'm still learning how to handle--especially at work.
Good luck.
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Of course, it's not a must to come out, however it makes your life a lot easier. You don't have to hide and you don't have to pretend to be someone you're not. If it's your real age, then you're still very young and later you'll realize that as the years go by, it becomes harder and harder to stay in the closet.
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I do not think it's necessary you do not get people proclaiming their sexual preferences when they first meet someone.
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HOW and WHEN you come out is 100% an individual decision. BUT, keep in mind, that there's a difference between DEFINING YOURSELF first and foremost as a gay person, and LIVING as a gay person.
Sure, you can live your life just like anyone else - and you expect to be treated like everyone else, right? Right. Now, fast forward a bit and picture yourself coming into work after a weekend with a new boyfriend. YOu're happy and almost giddy. Your co-workers, (who don't know you're gay because you don't talk about being gay or wear a rainbow flag pin on your suit or have a pride flag on your computer monitor), see your demeanor and say, "Well, aren't you happy today...why? What did you do this weekend?"
BANG! You're now at a "decision point" in your life! Your co-workers don't know you're gay, you're "out" but don't publicize it - WHAT DO YOU SAY? Sure you can say, "Well, i had a great date on friend and we ended up hanging out all weekend." Now, you can PRAY that they leave the line of questioning at that - and they may. But, what happens as your relationship progresses and you're happier and happier as time goes on. Eventually you're going to be asked a direct question that you'll have to answer and that answer will "OUT YOU."
So, i pose this example to you simple to say, yes, you can be gay and out and not make it a "big deal" in your life - but LIFE can and will make it a big deal one day.
We, who are out, all figure out a way that works for us and is most comfortable, but it's somethign you WILL have to decide.
For me, letting folks know i'm gay usually comes out during casual conversations with new people and co-workers. Whether it's talkign about a TV show or something in the news (like the DOMA decision or the Prop 8 decision in the USA) - it provides a way to subtly let folks know that part of your life - without making it a "big deal."
does this all make sense?
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If the subject of relationships or who you like comes up I usually tell people, "oh yeah I'm gay." I use to be ashamed and kept it in for so many long years. It makes me feel great to say, "I'm gay," because I don't fear what people think of my sexuality anymore, for once in my life I feel brave. Thats why I usually tell people only when the subject comes up of course.
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Coming out isn't really that important in general. I mean for me it was a big deal back in the last century but then people were shocked when a person comes out. now days most kids come out and their relatives/friends etc are like 'And.....?'
I think we are moving into the time when there will be no need to come out, just live your life however you are and people will buy a clue.
Aside from the time I came out, the only time I tell people I'm gay is when either they ask or they try to hook me up with their sister or something. I pretty much don't hide the fact that I'm gay, but then I don't advertise either - much like straight people don't advertise.
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Ive always found that when I came out to someone, mostly straight people, they are fascinated and have so many questions. I guess thats is just part of it and should be expected. Its always bothered me though. I just want to "come out" and leave it at that. But I usually spend an hour or more answering questions about being gay. Not only is it abnormally intrusive in a sense. Yes they are friends but do they have to know EVERY single intimate detail on my life? Some things I do want to keep alittle private. Although I guess I live my life as an open book it does feel nice to have some private things. Theyre so used to me being so open and honest they assume that Im going to be open and honest about that part of myself too. Its just a nuisance answering the same questions over and over time and time again. Ive even considered making like alittle Q and A sheet with the most commonly asked questions for them to read and if they have any other questions not listed they can ask.
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So why dont people go around proclaiming "IM A BLOND"!!!
or "I HAVE GREEN EYES" or "I LIKE CATS" or "I HATE ONIONS"?????!!!
Why?
[B]CAUSE ITS STUPID!!![/B]
And it has NOTHING to do with the person you ARE. Just as "gay" has NOTHING to do with the person you ARE.
"Gay" has become a PRODUCT thats for SALE!!!
Sick, demented shit that is.
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