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Jealous of My Boyfriend Masturbating
#1
Greetings,

I'm new here so be gentle. My boyfriend and I love each other and are in a monogamous relationship. He came out last year and has been sexual active for about five years. I came out 20 years ago. He's 35 and I'm 43. We are both Christian, strong faith, family values, and plan on marrying sometime next year.

My boyfriend has a high sex drive. He can ejaculate up to four times per lovemaking session, and has been masturbating since in his teens because he only started to be active at 30. Late bloomer, but he was raised that being gay is wrong, so he has had a lot of issues. His parents love me but will never accept me as part of the family.

Anyway, this is not what this is about, but it gives you background.

Our sex drives are different, and lately, I have a hard time staying hard. Although I can ejaculate once or twice during each session, and I can do it a couple times a day. But the past few times it's difficult to stay erect for me, and he thinks it's him but I told him it's not. I really do think it's stress and that I'm tired. I still ejaculate though, usually after he goes twice, or three times.

However, I get jealous when he masturbates when I'm not there, and I feel pressure to perform, or stay erect when we are together.

He "LOVES" masturbation. He's been addicted to porn in the past, and at times, wouldn't leave his room while a student because of his addiction. This was when he was younger, and he's been open and honest about it, and has talked about it freely with our church small group.

I'm not a fan of masturbating, although I do it once in a while, but I don't feel the passion as he does, and he's had so many years of experience with it that sometimes I wonder if I'm even needed for sex. He really loves it and seems like he goes into a different world. He's told me he's a top and now we are versatile. But lately, he wants to be a bottom and when I can't stay erect it gets very frustrated.

The other day when I stayed at my place I know he masturbated and used his dildo, and this makes me feel awkward. I knew he never stopped masturbating, nor do I expect him to stop, but because of what happened recently, I don't know if I should address him or say anything about it. I am starting to feel inadequate.

Anyway, I'm concerned the masturbation may start to interfere with our sex life. We have talked about it and he says he much prefers me and that it wouldn't interfere, but this seems to add more stress for me to perform and I don't want this to become an issue. I know there's nothing wrong with him masturbating--but with his past--and with my new found lack of sex drive, I am just concerned.

We've both said sex isn't everything and we value and respect each other, but I want him to be happy and not disappoint.

Thanks for
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#2
You clearly both have a healthy and open sex life which your comfortable discussing, which is a great start.

Why not just make it part of the foreplay between you?

ObW
X
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#3
I've always considered sex and masturbation to be something different because one is strictly by yourself while the other is sharing and bending for another person that creates intimacy. And one reason he probably has a stronger sex drive is because he masturbates so much, that can help men in more ways than one in that department.

Though it works the other way around, too. It's perhaps ironic that I masturbate a lot more when I'm in a relationship, probably because my imagination tends to think more on sexual things.
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#4
Personally,,,, I think your both having waaaay to much sex!!!!!! Especially for 35 & 43 year old men.

Your gonna burn-out (or be worn-out) before you reach 50. I suggest you limit your Sex-Capades to 3 times a week and only ejaculate once per session.

I'm just kidding (of course).

Good luck,
Jim
We Have Elvis !!
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#5
dcharmcity Wrote:I'm not a fan of masturbating, although I do it once in a while, but I don't feel the passion as he does, and he's had so many years of experience with it that sometimes I wonder if I'm even needed for sex. He really loves it and seems like he goes into a different world. He's told me he's a top and now we are versatile. But lately, he wants to be a bottom and when I can't stay erect it gets very frustrated.

The other day when I stayed at my place I know he masturbated and used his dildo, and this makes me feel awkward. I knew he never stopped masturbating, nor do I expect him to stop, but because of what happened recently, I don't know if I should address him or say anything about it. I am starting to feel inadequate.

Welcome to GS, sir..

Now, regardless if one is having regular sex, some men will still masturbate and a lot...it's just a bit of something else I think for them and clearly it didn't have to do with them being lonely..other men will not...

Now, you seem to have a very honest communication regarding sex life...why don't you discuss your stress and discomfort and then find a way to add masturbation to the act between the 2 of you?...it cvan only be so much better, I believe..

talk to him..
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#6
open communication is important, but i also don't know why you would be jealous.

Why don't you bring the toys into your sex life?
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#7
Welcome to the forum firstly.

And now to my advice.
Masturbation is fine. If anything you should try and help him to get off while he is doing it to be apart of it if you are getting jealous. What ever you do do not try and stop him from doing it. Be there. With him. Make it special!
And that is all my advice :3
Good luck!
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#8
Thanks everyone. You made me feel a lot better. When we are together, sometimes we masturabate each other, and ourselves, and yes, we have used the toys together. The past few times I have been able to keep it up so I think it is stress and tiredness (hopefully).

I know it seems silly for me to get jealous, he seems like he's heaven when I watch him masturbating.
Also, it has hurt past relationships and I've told him this so we do try to be open and honest.

Thanks again, I appreciate everyone's comments.
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#9
I masterbate a lot too but I love my partner loads and when we have sex it amazing I trust what he is saying from my point of view I like to have a tommy tank but I love making love with my man ..........


If you are having trouble down below you should see your gp as embarrassing as it shoulda these things often don't take long to fix

Thanks
Liam x
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#10
Welcome to GS!

And welcome to your 40's Sad Not all guys have issues at this age, but it's not unusual. Seeing a doctor is not a bad idea, as erectile issues can be an indication of other heart and blood pressure problems. It might also just be your own stress of being in a relationship with a younger guy with a high sex drive.

It's great that you are able to play with masturbation and toys, and that you are able to talk about this together. That alone may solve your problems. Counseling, individually or as a couple, is also an option if your problems continue. It sounds to me like you have a keeper there, so putting some effort into overcoming your issues -- or accepting them, if necessary -- will be well worth it.
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