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Idk what to do and I'm desperate for advice..
#11
verysimple Wrote:UPDATE:
So I just talked to him about it over the phone and we figured it out. I was holding back and I wasn't comfortable because I was afraid to be clingy to him. So he told me that he is happy with me talking to him whenever. That it was him and dealing with his fear and it has nothing to do with me. He keeps bringing his past fucked up relationships over to us and it keeps ruining and complicating things. If things continue this way, I don't think we could make it. I'll try to work things out and I'll do my past but he's gotta do his part too

From what you have told us, I don't think you figured it out here. Holding back is exactly what you should do when you are all crazy infatuated and having a blast with someone new. You being worried about the upcoming weekend together speaks volumes. Slow down. Spend time with him in smaller doses so you can get to know him.

If he's going to freak out to the point of being unable to voice his concern when you give some guy your digits in plain view of him, even when you ask him what's up, well then I say he's the one who has some major work ahead in learning to manage his fears and emotions, and in learning not to manipulate others through his passive aggressive silences. Sorry that's a lot in one sentence.

You weren't being clingy. Don't be the superhero trying to rescue him when he creates his own drama that has nothing to do with you.

It will all come clear in time, so take it slowly. Be cautious of investing too much of your emotions in this too soon.
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#12
Camfer hit on something that I want to highlight, and that's the speed at which you guys are moving along. Three weeks is not a long time, especially if it's only weekends. It's tempting when you have interest to go full speed ahead, but it is not a good thing. My best friend did that, she's still with the same person 6 months in, but she constantly guesses things and I have this terrible feeling she's in for a world of hurt. Just slow it down a bit, you can't build a skyscraper in a day.
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#13
Just a thought, a way to deal with this would be to plan to spend time apart on those weekends, and this holiday where the two of you would otherwise be together 100% of the time. Figure out a place either of you could go for an hour or, and let him chill out, decompress, etc... Maybe he can go for a walk, coffee, or some such.

That way, you to spend lots of time together, he gets his alone time (which many people need,) and he hopefully doesn't get sunk into his emotions as much.
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