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Lost, and Confused
#1
Hello all. I am new here, and I wanted to ask you all for some advice.

I am a 27 year old man from NYC. I have been in a relationship with a guy for almost 2 years now. I have been bi-sexual all my life, but I'm not sure that I am anymore. I'm still physically attracted to women, but emotionally, they don't do it for me anymore.

I am just now becoming comfortable with who I am. In a way I am out, but in a way I'm not. Some people know, but many do not. At this point in time, I am just ready to let it all out! I have mixed emotions about it though. My boss and I are very good friends, and he has no idea. The bad part is I know for a fact that when I come out, it's going to be a major deal simply because I am the #3 person in charge at our company. I am know all over the city, and our company is growing fast, and was recently rated #1 in our industry. My boss is very homophobic. We hang out together a lot, and he sometimes uses the dreaded F-word. We have been working together almost three years. I had a girlfriend when we first met, and he still believes I have one. But it's coming to a point where the both of us are getting closer to each other, and soon it will be quite obvious that I no longer have a girlfriend. Not only that, but I am afraid my coming out would really hurt our business.

Then there is my dad. He is extremely homophobic! He hasn't really been around much, but as of late he has been trying to become a part of my life. Every time he pisses me off, I want to tell him, but I know he would never take it serious if I said it under those circumstances. He would just assume I was being spiteful.

I am so afraid of becoming an outsider. My partner is also semi-out, but he wants to come out completely as well. He asked me to marry him recently, and I said yes. He is very masculine like me, but he doesn't care what anyone thinks. The only person in his circle who does not know is his father. So now, he is at the point where he would like to hold my hand in public, and all those things. I want to as well, but I can't bring myself to do it anywhere outside of The Village.

I told my mother 11 years ago, and until now I've always wanted to keep it a secret. But now I am so in love that I want the world to know!!

But I don't know what to do!! Any and all advise would be appreciated.
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#2
Confusedmile: well dear i would say that you are lucky in the sense that you have a commited partner with you who wants to be your husband, this will act like a pillow when the world falls apart! you must not dread but be prepared for that to happen! just know that those who can't love you for you never really loved you anyway and so you are not losing anyone! as far as the job that may be over when you come out but thats what your pillow is for... a soft landing in the hard times! no matter what happens, honey be true to yourself and make yourself happy in whatever way you can~Life is too short! : ) XOXOXO
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#3
I think its time to make "nails with heads" like we say here.... talk with your friend that you have not a girlfriend anymore ... watch his reactions ... then talk about a maybe future ... and if you both are happy with the other and both want to stay in a relationship you should plan and talk about how you want to go further and build up your future ....
Your father .... maybe not unimportant ... but he can´t live your life ... you have to live your own life with your partner ... and his homophobic behavior should not change your decision to stay with your partner and live your own life
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#4
DarkLady2182 Wrote:Confusedmile: well dear i would say that you are lucky in the sense that you have a commited partner with you who wants to be your husband, this will act like a pillow when the world falls apart! you must not dread but be prepared for that to happen! just know that those who can't love you for you never really loved you anyway and so you are not losing anyone! as far as the job that may be over when you come out but thats what your pillow is for... a soft landing in the hard times! no matter what happens, honey be true to yourself and make yourself happy in whatever way you can~Life is too short! : ) XOXOXO

Thanks a lot! I really appreciate that well said response.

As far as my job, I'm not worried about loosing it. I know the only thing my boss will really be mad about, is the fact that I didn't tell him. He's going to feel like I couldn't confide in him. But then again, I am extremely popular, so the hit to our business may really be all in my head because i'm being paranoid.

Another twist is the fact that neither myself or my partner have ever been in love with a guy before. So every part of this is new to us, and sometimes stressful. We used to work together, and that's how we met. We instantly became the best of friends, and we had no clue about each other. So needless to say, when we both found out about each other through a mutual friend, we decided to try dating. We have been inseparable ever since that day. Everything we both had always dreamed of was right in front of our faces. Now we want everybody to know!!! He's my soul mate, and i don't want to hide it anymore. I just don't know how to come out.
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#5
Well I sincerely hope everything goes well for you, always hear if you need to talk! As far as coming out just give up on what people think and yell it from the roof top, I'm gay! You'll feel a lot better!!!
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#6
fenris Wrote:I think its time to make "nails with heads" like we say here.... talk with your friend that you have not a girlfriend anymore ... watch his reactions ... then talk about a maybe future ... and if you both are happy with the other and both want to stay in a relationship you should plan and talk about how you want to go further and build up your future ....
Your father .... maybe not unimportant ... but he can´t live your life ... you have to live your own life with your partner ... and his homophobic behavior should not change your decision to stay with your partner and live your own life

Thanks!!

We decided that we definitely want to be together for the rest of our lives, and divorce is not an option at all. Our communication is excellent, and I still get goosebumps when he touches me, just like I did 2 years ago! My other best friend says that he has never seen me this happy, and he also believes we are soul mates. My mother is reserved, yet supportive. I haven't told her of our plans to get married yet. I don't think he told his mother either.

Sometimes I don't even think my father deserves to know anything about me or my life. He waited 21 years to try and come back in, and frankly I don't know him. But nothing or no one will ever change my decision to be with him. I'm so happy it feels like everyday of my life is a dream. Then I am also scared because he is everything I have ever wanted, and more. It almost feels to good to be true! But I guess that's what true love is supposed to feel like right?
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#7
totally there with you on the daddy issues! i am so happy that you have found your soulmate and happiness! your story gives me hope for the future so THANK YOU for that! Wishing you the best
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#8
DRW Wrote:Thanks!!

Sometimes I don't even think my father deserves to know anything about me or my life. He waited 21 years to try and come back in, and frankly I don't know him. But nothing or no one will ever change my decision to be with him. I'm so happy it feels like everyday of my life is a dream. Then I am also scared because he is everything I have ever wanted, and more. It almost feels to good to be true! But I guess that's what true love is supposed to feel like right?

I see it from a other side, something more practical ... becauser I do not even know you both ... this "true love"-thing ... I don´t know.... let´s say love :-) ... but if I think about your father as a homophobic person.. you can do what you want in a gay relationship and it will be not ... maybe at first not ... right. And if you split with your boyfriend to make your father happy .. you have the same problem in your next relationship with a male. So it´s better to stay in a relationship where you feel that your are really loved and you love your partner, too. :-)
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#9
fenris Wrote:I see it from a other side, something more practical ... becauser I do not even know you both ... this "true love"-thing ... I don´t know.... let´s say love :-) ... but if I think about your father as a homophobic person.. you can do what you want in a gay relationship and it will be not ... maybe at first not ... right. And if you split with your boyfriend to make your father happy .. you have the same problem in your next relationship with a male. So it´s better to stay in a relationship where you feel that your are really loved and you love your partner, too. :-)

Cool. No matter what happens, we both vowed to be together forever, and allow nothing or no one to come between us.

Thanks again. Now I just need a bit more advice. I just started a new thread titled "I'm ready to Cry" in the help and advice forum. I soooooo stressed out right now!
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#10
Happiness matters the most in life. If you're successful and unhappy, are you really on top? Living a false life isn't fair to you, your boyfriend, or anyone else for that matter. Be yourself because those who matter don't mind. And those who mind don't matter.
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