Massive age differences.

[Varanus]

Hey everyone,
For the past few weeks I've been thinking about the huge age differences that some gay couples have and am wondering how they make it work?
I myself have fallen for a 41 year old while I'm literally half his age, this doesn't seem to matter to the both of us but seems to matter to a fair few people in both our social groups.

To his date I've been called a sicko for having a relationship with someone who is old enough to be my father, being told that he is just using me for sex and another one is that I'm just a trophy to him, amoung various other things Id just rather not mention.

Now this social stigma that has been attached to us has really bothered me to the extent where I've questioned if this is really something I want to purse but have came to he conclusion I don't care what people think anymore as long as I'm happy and he is happy that's all that matters and people will eventually come around and accept it.

Now obviously there's a whole lot of differences weve had to work though just due to our age gap and am just looking to advice on how to make his work?

[dfiant]

Fuck the narrow minded twats...love is love...do what makes you happy, do what you feel comfortable with and as long as their is respect and compromise on both sides go for it mate.

Trust your heart, not your 'friends'...because REAL friends would support you

I'm just saying.

[monk]

Hey, if it works, it works! :biggrin:

[mrk2010]

Personally I believe if two people have feelings for each other, get along and know how to treat each other then why not ? At the end of the day what is a few extra years between you two? I say go for it. :-)

[jimcrackcorn]

I was 19 and my partner was 39 when we first met in 1975. We've been together for 36 years. He had to put up with a lot of my youthful foolishness back then, but he stayed with me which is a testament of his devotion. I, in turn, had to put up with his being a little tired after a long day at work, which I understood.

There are only a couple problems we have had over the years that can be attributed to our age difference:

1. We looked a little awkward on the dance floor because he did a country western style of dance while I was doing the disco ( 1975 -1980).

2. He would tire out before I did.

3. He is 76 years old now and recently his health has started to deteriorate which worries me tremendously. Due to Asbestoses, the doctors give him 10 more years which I fear will go by to quickly.

So, I say be with the one you love, work out your differences thru the years, and thank your lucky stars that he loves you back.

[avidcyclistMTB]

I am 26 years younger than my partner! We just celebrated 5 years together. I look very young for my age (I still get my I.D. checked to buy alcohol occasionally) and my partner has a great white beard so as far as what society thinks, I'm sure there are plenty of heads turning. I couldn't care less what people think. We love each other and that's what matters.

Making it work? One of the things that makes our relationship work so well is that we are both interested in the viewpoint of the other in relation to the generational difference. It not only helps us understand each other better, but also helps us understand the differences in generations in society in general. I'm sure some people look at us as funny and wonder what that "old guy" is doing with that "kid". More often than not people think he's my father. That's something you will just have to get used to hearing.

My suggestion: Don't look at those differences as something you have to work THROUGH, look at them as something you have to work WITH. Communicate with each other and pay attention to each other and those differences will help you understand who each other are. Ignore those who criticize and call you sick and a "trophy". There are predators out there who will just use you for sex, but that's something we all have to watch out for, isn't it?

jimcrackcorn stated some very valid problems with the age gap. The hardest one for me is knowing that it is likely that my partner is going to die long before I do. That said, I would rather have loved him and lost him to old age than to have missed out on our incredible relationship.

Good luck and best wishes!

[Dan1980]

Don't worry about the age gap. If your in love and it goes well. Go for it.

[ceez]

go for it, I lady I talked to told me about a man her niece married that was 20 or 30 years older (I forgot the exact age gap) but they loved each other very much and he quick smoking and drinking just to be with her. she was happy for her and supported them which surprised me because she's a religious woman(the aunt) but I guess she's the purist kind, showing love for one another and all.

[pellaz]

sounds like the cat's out of the bag here but relationships are difficult enough and I would like to see you enter a relationship that has the most chance of survival.

both you guys have to want this big time.
Acknowledge your differences which may not be all for the bad. He will lack skills your very good at. For those differences that clash and not good; have a sit down and talk about it.

Something old something new; both sides can learn a lot from each other.

the very best of luck!!

[warmpixels]

I'm gonna pull a fast one here.

Practically speaking, it might not work if you're smarter. The elder person tends to resent it. The fact that I was a walking talking wikipedia got to my ex who's 15 years senior, more than anything else. I on the other hand hated the fact that he couldn't act his age while hanging out with my friends. There were plenty of other issues, most of which was his age-istic snarky remarks that made me want space just barely 3 months since we started dating. I left the country just to get away from it all.

Ironically, he was the only guy who I introduced to my extremely conservative family, and who actually won their hearts over.

I had plenty of relationships with guys older than me. It just didn't work out. In the end, I found someone who is about an year younger than me, and we've worked out okay.