So there's this guy, we'll call him D, we met online, we chatted for several weeks before we met, which for me is unusual, but he intrigued me when we first started chatting so I hung around. D and I are very much opposite poles, philisophically, politically, morally, etc. The thing is, I like him, he's attractive, we have good chemistry in and out of the bedroom, but the real thing that draws me to him is he has an active mind.
He's smart, he's opinionated, and he disagrees with me about a great many things. I find that VERY attractive.
We've spent a few nights together both at my place and his place, tonight he came over we ate dinner, we talked and he got a phone call, had some family stuff to deal with so I took him home.
Texted him later, just to say that I enjoyed seeing him, he tells me he thinks we're too different.
I think on the surface a lot of people would agree with that, but that's what I like about him is that he is different. I've told him that, several times.
I guess the bottom line is, do you guys think he's right?
Richard
![[-]](https://gayspeak.com/images/duende_v3_local/collapse.png)
•
Posts: 9,300
Threads: 3,497
Joined: May 2013
Reputation:
0
I'm a : Single Gay Man
Starsign:  Sagittarius
Mood: None
It seems to me that only time will tell.
•
Richard, I can't say for sure about your situation but it sounds familiar. My recent bf (my 1st) and I are very different. I find him attractive, fun, physically and intellectually stimulating. We had a sudden and intense relationship. After a couple of incidences we both backed off. We are still friends, and I think both unclear about where to go from here.
I hope we will have a chance to talk about what we want soon, but it may have to wait until both of our work schedules relax this fall. We still hang out together with friends, but haven't been intimate for a while. Maybe we are too different.
Keep your lines of communication open, and good luck!
•
Were there any similarities or shared interests? For me, personally, I love differences, and I like spending time with people who are different from me, but if I can't find similarities or common ground, other than agreeing to disagree, I would probably have a hard time being with someone I don't share similarities with. Especially morally. It would be hard for me to make a relationship work with someone who is the polar opposite morally.
•
Let me consult the Crystal ball:
Reply hazy try again
Hmm.. Let me try again...
Concentrate and ask again
Geez, that ball usually isn't so onery, let me concentrate really hard and shake it a little... one moment....
One moment....
One moment....
Cannot predict now
Well there is your answer.
•
once someone says something like that means it's not going to work out. Or well if I say something like that I means it will not work.
•
I have to say, in situations like this I think it only really works out if both people are feeling it. While you may have enjoyed your differences, the fact that he didn't - and that there were so many - was probably an issue for him that would've come up sooner or later. You might consider just being grateful that it was sooner, rather than later.
If you really wanted the relationship to work, you could consider highlighting any things you have in common, possibly inviting him for an activity in relation to the common interest, etc - and maybe try avoiding any discussion that would put the focus back on your differences... but considering you said you enjoyed the contrast in opinions that might not be the best way to go for you.
Personally I would consider maybe trying to keep contact, but reducing it to friendship for the time being. Keeping the discursive element, and maybe showing him over time the reasons that you think you'd work together? Just a thought.
Anyway, good luck. Hope you work things out the way you want to 
•
Thats a shame, it sounded TO ME like things were going great. I was really pleased for you, until i reached the end of your post. I think if hes stating "too different" as his reasons, then hes a complete fool and its his loss. I just dont understand this need for some guys wanting to find a copy of themselves (that doesnt make a fun, interesting, loving relationship in my mind) Though maybe its easier for them, if you dont fit into there specific box.
Placebo lyric - were a couple, were nobodys double.
•
Posts: 8,128
Threads: 11
Joined: Feb 2011
Reputation:
1
I'm a : Single Gay Man
Starsign: Sagittarius
Mood:
It seems to me that you ticked all of D's boxes on a physical level but he has some misgivings about taking things further. There could be any number of reasons and external factors that may be influencing his feelings right now. Its just a frustrating guessing game unfortunately, unless he wants to talk about it further.
Just saying that 'we are too different' is rather vague and doesn't leave much of an opening for you to explore the possibilities of working through those differences, if he doesn't want to talk about this; I get the impression he just sees the situation as a casual bit of fun with a nice guy he clicks with, but that's just my impression. Only he can tell you whats going on in his head, so I hope he gives you the opportunity to talk about it and possibly work things out. Who knows  mile:
•
Some people say opposites attract.
Others think that good relationships are based on similarities not on differences.
He clearly is of the camp of 'relationships should be based on similarities' you may be of the camp of 'opposites attract'.
I fear that this one remains forever hazy - uncertain - unanswerable no matter how much thought I put into it (I have been thinking about the question a good deal these past three days).
I fear the conclusion I keep arriving at is that he is not interested for many other reasons and is using this as a catch all 'excuse' to block potential romance.
•
|
