10-19-2011, 04:55 AM
WARNING: Very long post up ahead. My apologies, and thank you in advance for reading.
So, Iâm twenty three years old and Iâve never had any romantic experiences whatsoever. Iâve never had a kiss or had my hand be held or be given a flirtatious look⦠nothing. Iâm not exactly sure why this is, but it hurts a lot and I donât think itâs exactly normal. Due to various circumstances in my life and my past, Iâve always felt a bit separated from most people and the âcommonâ human experience. It may be that this inherent feeling has somehow fed the lack of intimacy for me, but Iâve tried to remain open to possibilities and meeting new people. Itâs always been a complete mystery how two people can discover that they share an attraction to each other and create a relationship. I donât get it.
As one lonely day turns into another lonely day I gather the notion that âthereâs someone out there for youâ seems completely absurd. Most days I try not to dwell on it, but a lot of the time the loneliness and the feeling of âwhat is it about me thatâs so unappealingâ gets very intense and itâs difficult to function. Iâve forced myself to accept the possibility that it may never happen for me. Itâs not that Iâm completely hopeless, but those kinds of thoughts are inevitable. I donât even think itâs a sexual frustration I feel anymore as much as a desire to know that thereâs someone who would choose me as the one person they elect to spend their time with.
I donât mean to create the impression that Iâm this much of a downer all the time (which would certainly be quite the fella repellent). Iâm really not. These are not feelings that I wear on my sleeve, or have even discussed with anyone ever. I would imagine I come off as pretty upbeat to most. But having not been a participant in this aspect of life has created a sense that thereâs this giant gap of experience between me and my peers. Iâm afraid that if someone ever does take an interest in me, Iâll be so completely unable to⦠I donât know how else to put other than to be on the same level.
I joined this forum in one of my very low feeling moments in an attempt to connect to like minded people. In my so far limited interaction I have found that folks here are very kind and understanding. So I donât know if Iâm necessarily asking for advice or if this is just something I wanted to kinda get off my chest. Either way, thanks for reading this ridiculously long post.
So, Iâm twenty three years old and Iâve never had any romantic experiences whatsoever. Iâve never had a kiss or had my hand be held or be given a flirtatious look⦠nothing. Iâm not exactly sure why this is, but it hurts a lot and I donât think itâs exactly normal. Due to various circumstances in my life and my past, Iâve always felt a bit separated from most people and the âcommonâ human experience. It may be that this inherent feeling has somehow fed the lack of intimacy for me, but Iâve tried to remain open to possibilities and meeting new people. Itâs always been a complete mystery how two people can discover that they share an attraction to each other and create a relationship. I donât get it.
As one lonely day turns into another lonely day I gather the notion that âthereâs someone out there for youâ seems completely absurd. Most days I try not to dwell on it, but a lot of the time the loneliness and the feeling of âwhat is it about me thatâs so unappealingâ gets very intense and itâs difficult to function. Iâve forced myself to accept the possibility that it may never happen for me. Itâs not that Iâm completely hopeless, but those kinds of thoughts are inevitable. I donât even think itâs a sexual frustration I feel anymore as much as a desire to know that thereâs someone who would choose me as the one person they elect to spend their time with.
I donât mean to create the impression that Iâm this much of a downer all the time (which would certainly be quite the fella repellent). Iâm really not. These are not feelings that I wear on my sleeve, or have even discussed with anyone ever. I would imagine I come off as pretty upbeat to most. But having not been a participant in this aspect of life has created a sense that thereâs this giant gap of experience between me and my peers. Iâm afraid that if someone ever does take an interest in me, Iâll be so completely unable to⦠I donât know how else to put other than to be on the same level.
I joined this forum in one of my very low feeling moments in an attempt to connect to like minded people. In my so far limited interaction I have found that folks here are very kind and understanding. So I donât know if Iâm necessarily asking for advice or if this is just something I wanted to kinda get off my chest. Either way, thanks for reading this ridiculously long post.
![[-]](https://gayspeak.com/images/duende_v3_local/collapse.png)
As a matter of fact, I think shallow people on the whole are unattractive; They contribute nothing towards human evolution, reaching their FULL potential, and don't even bother to take pride in the civic, and social responsibility to give back to the world at large; instead, they continue their meager lives day in and day out, until the clock stops on them; you aren't living a FULL life if you deny what you feel, or down play it to seem "cool"....