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I'm a : Single Gay Man
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I am not sure how you can overcome your fear, or if anything I say can make a difference.
I will tell you that when my first serious boyfriend broke up with me (we were very serious, talking about rings & moving in together) that was completely devastated and depressed.
Going to therapy no only helped me deal with the loss of my relationship, it gave me the tools to handle future break-ups.
Everything that I said to her stayed confidential, and it was money well spent. I reccomend it to anyone who thinks they need it.
![[Image: 51806835273_f5b3daba19_t.jpg]](https://live.staticflickr.com/65535/51806835273_f5b3daba19_t.jpg) <<< It's mine!
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Hello Aester, you mentioned paranoia in your thread title... Is it really paranoia? Are you convinced that people are trying to hurt you? Paranoia is a medical health problem, and can be debilitating, if that's what it is. I think that it can be induced by some forms of drug use, like cannabis, for example. Some people overcome inhibitions by having a drink, but mainly I think it's confronting your demons that will help you out of it best. And to do that, I think it takes being able to admit to yourself that you might need help. It may be difficult to trust others, but it's not impossible. Someone said here that half of Europe would be swamping the doctors here with problems, but if it is making you so unhappy that you are getting depressed, then you certainly need help. What do you think your phobias have to do with your being gay? Are any of your feelings of inadequacy part of it?
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Well i never told why i needed therapy. I have hard getting close with someone, many times when people come to forward I often find my self fleeing from he / she, this do i find a main concern cause under the years i have pushed more people away from me then towards me and everyone needs friends, or at least romance. I do not know if its simply is paranoia or simply anti social behavior. There were even a time I started to shook just showing my self in my own neighborhood but it was some years ago, yet i find it very uncomfortable walking in that particulate area and still avoids it. I've been like it for more years that I have been aware of my sexuality but of course it can be a part of. I've been surrounded by people who have been very anti homosexual and i think it might reflect on me, i would be pretty devastated if anyone figured me out.
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It usually helps if you face your fears. There are other methods, but you are going to have to face fear anyways, might as well face it, get used to it.
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Aester Wrote:Well i never told why i needed therapy. I have hard getting close with someone, many times when people come to forward I often find my self fleeing from he / she, this do i find a main concern cause under the years i have pushed more people away from me then towards me and everyone needs friends, or at least romance. I do not know if its simply is paranoia or simply anti social behavior. There were even a time I started to shook just showing my self in my own neighborhood but it was some years ago, yet i find it very uncomfortable walking in that particulate area and still avoids it. I've been like it for more years that I have been aware of my sexuality but of course it can be a part of. I've been surrounded by people who have been very anti homosexual and i think it might reflect on me, i would be pretty devastated if anyone figured me out.
Aester, well here on GaySpeak, you can talk, no problem with us, and you can sort some of your feelings out. Other than that, now you are 18, would you consider moving away from Eskilstuna, which sounds like a small place and going to a bigger city where being gay is not frowned upon? It is not good for a person to have to hide who they really are because of fear.
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I only wish to move, really really far away form this dump, but who would say that the next place would be any better? My dream, is to travel around the world, having quite simple jobs and just live for the moment... At least it was, but who will say that it will have it good there either? I don't know if i have told it in previous post but it kind of died out when I was at a Exchange trip with school to France. I worked 8-16 18-23 aday, for just a lousy bed and microwaved food (When I was at a 3 star Michelin restaurant.), where i just took care of all the lousy work such as doing the dishes, wiping the floor, cleaning the fridges and more and got constantly yelled at. I do not know the law of any other country, gosh i do not even know the whole Swedish law. I could easily been used again.
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Well I think you are older and wiser now, and know what you don't want to do for a living. If you are a chef, maybe you need to start your own business and make everyone salivate over your gorgeous food.... But yes, uproot yourself from the dump and go seek your happiness in another part of the world. You are young, you still have dreams, go for them!
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Just got some major flashbacks afterwards our last conversation specially after seeing that you were from 'Near Geneva', couldn't even sleep. The trip was a nightmare but god i loved the landscape it was just so beautiful and i miss that a lot. I remembered when i sat in the car driving through the mountainy landscape i just couldn't drop my eyes out of the window. Are you familiar with Oyonnax? La Toque Blanch?
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I have actually never been to Oyonnax even though it is quite near where my father was born... I don't know La Toque Blanche but it sounds as if they didn't treat you so well, so maybe I won't go and eat there.... Anyway, it's far away enough that I wouldn't make a trip specially to go there. I'm sorry your experience in France was not such a good one, but you are right, the landscape here is pretty amazing...
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Ah just assumed. There was quite much confusion though, 1 special guy there never said a word English and every time i tried to speak to him in English since i know no French he got quite mad and he was, the sous chef so we was high ranked. A memory that just keeps popping up is one night, maybe 3 in the night, a man hysterically screamed and crying and ran across the hotel, there was a lot of noise after it as well. Think that might had frightened me for a bit when i think about it, have you read about anything strange around late September / October in hotel Büffard?
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